A/N: So, here is the prequel to "Savior", explaining what happened to Steven Hyde. Thanks to YellowGlue for asking for this story, as they prompted the muse to come out and play! This is another songfic, set to Sarah McLachlan's song "Sweet Surrender". I hope you all enjoy, and please, read and review, and I warn you, have the tissues ready!
Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did I would be rich. As it is, I am just a poor student, with no money, so please don't sue me!
"Bitch!" he yelled at her, his eyes blazing behind his sunglasses.
"Asshole!" she bit out at him, her fists clenched at her sides. The two of them stood there, staring at each other, before both turning on their heels in separate directions. Jackie headed up the stairs towards the kitchen, while Hyde ran out of the basement, both of them slamming the doors behind them. Hyde headed up the stairs that led to the basement, his hands shaking slightly as he pulled the keys to the El Camino out of his pocket. He walked over to the car, and opened the door, sitting inside his car. He sat there for a moment, before he pounded his fist on the steering wheel. He kept pounding, with each hit on the steering wheel he felt a little bit of his anger drain away, until there was nothing left but numbness. He looked at the bloody steering wheel and his bloody hand, watching as the blood slowly dripped down. He looked up at the house, feeling completely empty, and finally started the car. He sat for a minute more, contemplating whether he should go back inside and apologize to Jackie, before he furiously put the car in gear and backed out of the driveway. Fuck her, he thought to himself.
He drove down the streets of Point Place, going in circles aimlessly, Jackie's last words haunting him.
"I hate you, Steven Hyde! I hate you and I don't ever want to see you again, seeing as all you know how to do is hurt me! I've had enough, Steven, and I hate you! I don't ever want to see your face again!" He sighed to himself; he had really pushed her to the breaking point these last few months. He knew it, and he seemed to revel in it, even though a little piece of his soul died every time that he sent a jab her way. Sam was just a distraction to him, to keep him from feeling the pain of losing Jackie. Even that did nothing, as was evidenced by the way the two of them acted around each other. Jackie never left like he intended her to, she just kept coming back, and that irked him. So he just became meaner, throwing more and more insults her way, until finally he felt… empty. There was nothing left of him, just a husk of the Steven Hyde that they had once all known. So be it.
It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I've left behind me
Is a cold room
He didn't even realize that he had tears streaming down his face until one hit his bloody hand, mixing with the blood there. He looked down at his hand, bringing it up to touch his face, where he felt the tears flowing down his face. He pulled his fingers away, awed that he even felt enough to cry anymore. The fact that he was crying was astounding to him; he was crying for himself, and even more, for Jackie and what he had done to her. He still loved her; he had to admit that even to himself. He pulled over onto the shoulder, letting all the anguish out finally. He cried until he had nothing left to cry, feeling utterly miserable that he had destroyed not just her, but himself in his driving need for vengeance.
I've crossed the last line
From where I can't return
Where every step I took in faith
Betrayed me
And led me from my home
He sat there for a few minutes, his tears dried up. He had nothing left to cry, having cried out almost eight months of agony, hatred, and despair all wrapped up into one. He had admitted to himself that, no matter what he said to the contrary, he was still in love with her. He looked up, seeing that snow had started to fall. He smiled to himself slightly, realizing that, in some way, the snow falling was cleansing, showing him that he could make his life better. Snow was one of her favorite things, and he loved it because of her.
And sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
"Jackie, why do you love the snow so much? I mean, winter sucks, it really does. It's cold, and the snow just makes everything more of a pain in the ass. Why do you love it so much?" he asked her. She turned to him, her cheeks flushed from the cold, the snow falling lightly onto her hair. She laughed, before she said,
"Steven, snow is so beautiful! How can you not love it? It is just so amazing, watching it fall from the sky. It looks like diamonds falling from the stars, washing away all the impurities of the last year, making us all clean and new, ready to take on the next year. Plus, it's awesome to make snowballs!" she said, as she threw one at him. He thought about the way that she had laughed that day, the way that they had ended up in the snow, covering each other in the white fluffy substance, cleansing each other's pain away. Hyde smiled to himself at this memory; it was why he loved snow so much, no matter how much of a pain it was. The light snowfall now only made him feel better; it was like the heavens were telling him that, no matter how much he had screwed his life up so far, he could make it better, with her.
You take me in
No questions asked
You strip away the ugliness
That surrounds me
He nodded once to himself, before he put the car back in gear, and headed back towards the Formans. He had a new purpose in his life; to get Jackie back, no matter what it took. He would beg, grovel before her feet, shower her with everything that she deserved, and more. He knew it wouldn't be easy, he knew that he had put her through a lot of his shit, but he knew that they were meant to be. It couldn't be any other way, they were just meant to be. She was his angel, and his only fear was that he would disappoint her once more.
Are you an angel?
Am I already that gone?
I only hope
That I won't disappoint you
When I'm down here
On my knees
He never even saw the truck coming, never realizing that the eighteen-wheeler had lost control until the very last moment. The last thing he saw was the trailer of the truck coming towards him, and he thought of her then. Jackie, he called to himself, before he blacked out.
And sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
He opened his eyes some time later, hit by a blinding white light at first. He realized that he was standing next to someone, but he couldn't make them out. All he saw was a mass of bandages on a bed, and a bunch of people standing around the mass of bandages, crying. He shook his head once, before moving a little closer to see who these people were. He finally made out Eric Forman, standing with his left hand over his chest, and his right hand covering his mouth, tears wetting his cheeks. He frowned a little, before he looked to see who was standing next to him. He shook his head again, as it felt like he had cobwebs over his eyes. He saw Donna standing next to Eric, her head buried in Eric's shoulder, her shoulders shaking with unheard tears. He started to panic, as he recognized Red holding Kitty as she bawled her eyes out, Red's eyes puffy and red. He looked around and saw Kelso standing on the other side of the bed, just standing there, in complete shock, with tears on his cheeks. He saw Fez standing next to Kelso, with tears as well, his right hand on someone's shoulder. Then, he felt his heart stop. Jackie was sitting on the bed, crying louder than anyone, thrown across the mass of bandages. Her eyes were puffy, the mismatched blue and green sparkling in the white glare of the hospital lights, her arms around the mass of bandages. He panicked, as he realized suddenly who the mass of bandages was; it was him.
Sweet
Sweet
Sweet surrender
Is all that I have to give
He looked at the scene unfolding before him, and started to yell.
"No, it can't be! I'm okay, guys, I'm right here! I'm standing right next to all of you! Eric, man, look at me!" He crossed over to Eric, wanting to shake his shoulders, but his hands passed right through Eric. He looked at his hands, which looked so solid to him, before he said,
"No. No, I won't believe it!" He crossed over to Red and Kitty, trying to do the same thing, but his hands just passed through them. He ran over to Jackie, his heart thudding in his chest, and he kneeled next to her, saying,
"Jackie, doll, I am right here! That's not me that you're hugging, I am right here! I'm Steven Hyde! I'm right here Jackie!" She couldn't hear him, anymore than the others. What the hell is going on? he thought to himself, bile rising in his stomach. Suddenly, the door opened, and everyone turned towards it, as a doctor walked in. The doctor was holding a chart, and had a shocked look upon his face. His lips were moving, but he couldn't hear anything, so he moved in closer to hear better.
"I'm sorry, everyone, but we think that Steven won't make it through the night." He heard wailing, he heard crying, but most of all he heard Jackie's screams of pain and denial.
"No, Steven, wake up! Don't you dare leave me, Steven Hyde, don't you dare!" she sobbed into his chest, or his body's chest, and it was then that Hyde wanted to throw up. He understood what had happened, and he couldn't accept it. He was just on the way to getting his life in order, how could this have happened? It wasn't fair, and he couldn't understand. But his eyes were only focused on one person in the room, and only one; Jackie. She looked like she had aged ten years since the doctor's announcement, and he felt his heart stop. He couldn't leave her; he wouldn't leave her, not now. He walked over to her side, and sat next to her. He felt the tears flowing down his face, and reached out a hand to touch her, but it only passed straight through her. It was then that he heard the beep indicating that his heart had stopped, doctors and nurses rushing in to try and save his life, but it was over in a matter of minutes. He was dead.
And I don't understand
By the touch of your hand
I would be the one to fall
It was the day of the funeral, and everyone had showed up. Kelso had come with Brooke and Betsy all the way from Chicago, and was sitting with those of Hyde's family. Red was comforting Kitty as best as he could, Kitty bawling her eyes out over his casket. Donna and Eric sat next to each other, both crying profusely, though Eric was trying to be a man and hide it. Fez sat next to Eric, his shoulders shaking visibly, and on his other side was Jackie, who had tears shining on her cheeks. Steven Hyde couldn't believe what had happened, as only a few days before he had been alive and ready to go back to try and make it work with Jackie. Now, she sat here, at his funeral, colder and more distant than he had ever seen her. He had his eyes on her the whole time, and not once did she seem to break down like all the rest, not even when they lowered his casket. She was the last to throw a rose on the casket, and was about to turn away when she stopped. She brought out a picture of him, stroking her finger over his face lightly, before she threw that in after the rose.
I miss the little things
Oh I miss everything
He stood there, tears on his cheeks. He didn't know how to comfort the woman mourning him right in front of him, thinking that there must be some way. He had no sooner thought this than it started to snow, falling lightly onto her dark hair. She looked up to the sky, and some of the snowflakes fell onto her face. She closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply. She opened them, and then said, her voice so soft he barely heard what she said,
"Thank you, Steven. Stay with me, okay?" He nodded his head, and said,
"Always, doll." He could have sworn she heard him, for she promptly burst into hysterical tears, dropping to her knees and calling his name out over and over again. She was in such hysterics that Red, Kelso and Eric had to come and carry her away, while Kitty, Donna and Fez looked on. He knew then, better than ever, that though his life had ended up being a complete screw-up, he would make sure that his afterlife was better. He would look after his doll, somehow.
It doesn't mean much
It doesn't mean anything at all
The life I left behind me
Is a cold room