*Angel of Mine*
My newest Walking Dead story, and as usual, it's Bethyl. And based on Episode 8 "Coda*".
Bold: Falshbacks
Italics: Song Lyrics
Song: Angel of Mine by the Subdigitals
*S*
If we can express our sadness in words, someone can come and try to comfort us. But there is sadness that we cannot express that we must overcome on our own.
~Suiseiseki, the 3rd Rozen Maiden Doll (Rozen Maiden)
*S*
Taking her away
Such a strange thing to say
When I never held your small hand
Of all the people who had to die, it had to be her. The most innocent of them all, except Judith. Sweet Beth. Beth, who could probably take on the world and come out of it okay. Beth, who until now, had been warm and lively. She was his light at the end of the tunnel, and now, that light was gone and he was lost. Lost without her and her sweet voice.
"I understand now."
Her final words kept flashing through his head. What had she understood? Had she understood that, to protect the ones you loved, you had to sacrifice things? If so, why hadn't he yelled at her? Why hadn't he told her that giving up her life wasn't worth it? He ran a hand through his hair, well, as best as he could. In the distance, he heard the shoveling of dirt. Maggie… Digging her little sister's grave. He staggered to his feet and made his way to where she was. Rick and Glenn stood to one side, both of them looking worried for the oldest and only Greene left. He'd heard yelling earlier, so he assumed she had refused any sort of help. He snatched up the other shovel and jumped down next to her. Her eyes were immediately locked in on him.
"Go away," she said lowly, her voice was broken. The poor girl was broken. "I'm doing it myself."
"That's bullshit," he said, ignoring her glare and shoveling the dirt out of the way. He stopped after a few shovelfuls and looked at her. "You weren't the only one to care about Beth. Stop acting like a child throwing a tantrum and let me help." Maggie stared at him, this man, the one that everyone viewed as a rock. Unbreakable. Yet, right now, Maggie saw the truth in Daryl. He was heartbroken. Beth's death had broken the usually so stoic man.
"You loved her," she whispered quietly. Of course no one had seen it coming. Daryl and Beth had been on their own after the prison fell. While it was a shock, Maggie smiled slightly going back to the job at hand. Daryl kept his head down as they worked in silence.
Little Angel
Could it be a sign?
Little Angel
You're my beauty queen
Had he loved her? Certainly for him to feel this way. But was it in the way that Maggie assumed? He concentrated on his shoveling. Physical work to keep out the emotional pain. Flashes of the time they'd spent together kept going through his head.
"I want to change"
She had, he realized. From the girl at the prison who insisted she didn't cry anymore and that she hated goodbyes. She'd changed into a young woman who was capable of taking care of herself. She was truly the only one he'd trusted enough to handle his crossbow. The only one who he'd let touch it, willingly, of course. Was that enough to convince him that he'd loved her? His mind flashed to that last night in the Funeral Home.
"I'm gonna write a thank you note," she said looking up from her task.
"Why?" It puzzled him honestly.
"In case they come back," she said it like it was the simplest thing in the world. "If… they come back. Even if they're not coming back its only to say thanks." In that split second, watching her leave a note for people who may or may not be dead, Daryl made up him mind.
"Maybe you don't have to leave that," he said pointing at the note with his spoon. Beth looked up at him in confusion. "Maybe we could stick around here for a while. If they come back, we'll just make it work. I mean, it may be nuts but…" he shrugged slightly. "Maybe we'll be alright." She smiled at him. A pure, honest smile that made his heart speed up.
"So you do think there are still good people around," she wore that smile still. "What changed your mind?" She asked looking at him. He frowned slightly. Did she honestly not know? How could she not know?
"You know," he said quietly.
"What?" she asked, the word was laced with a laugh and she was still smiling. He looked at her and shrugged, making a soft noise. "Don't," she copied him. "What changed your mind?" He just looked her in the eye and waited for it to sink in. It took longer than he thought, but finally… "Oh," she smiled tentatively at him.
Yes. Daryl Dixon had loved Beth Greene. She'd made him see that not everyone was against you. She'd make him keep faith even when he wanted nothing more than to believe that everyone they knew were dead and gone. And now… His little shining light, his Nightingale… was gone. He stopped working and looked up, waiting for Maggie to notice him. When she finally looked up, she was confused as to why he'd stopped. But when she saw his face, wet with fresh tear, she was shocked.
"I did," he said hoarsely. "I loved her." He closed his eyes, but the tears kept coming. He couldn't help it. No matter what, he would see her face, see her body on the floor of that god forsaken hospital, blood pooling around her head. He would remember falling to his knees by her side a whispering for her not to go. He would remember running after the car that had taken her from him, screaming her name.
"You're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone Daryl Dixon."
He did. Oh how he missed her. Everything about her. Her optimism, her light, her warmth… Her voice. Her…voice… He looked up at Maggie, who was still staring at him, concern and mirrored feelings clear on her face.
"You sing too," he said, not asking, just a statement. "You sing like Beth did."
"I do," she said softly. She took a deep breath. "Daryl…" she stopped. Unsure of what to say to him.
"Will you sing?" He asked suddenly. "Something, anything. Just… sing until we're done?" He looked at her in such earnest that Maggie didn't have the heart to tell him no.
"Somebody speak to me,
Cause I'm feelin' like hell.
Need you to answer me, I'm overwhelmed.
I need a voice to echo
I need a light to take me home
I need a star to follow
I don't know"
The two of them worked like that for an hour; pretty soon, Maggie's voice had drawn the rest of the group around. Everyone astounded that she was singing. When they'd finished, Glenn helped her out of the hole and Abraham and Rick helped Daryl out. They had steeled themselves for what would happen next. Daryl walked over to where they had wrapped Beth's body in a sheet. Pain griped his heart, she deserved better, but they couldn't hang out this close to Atlanta for too long. Gently, ever so gently, he picked her body up and carried it back to the hole they'd dug. Maggie was bawling again and he himself had to fight the fresh tear threatening to fall.
"Anyone want to say anything?" Rick asked quietly. Father Gabriel stepped forward and said a few verses out of the bible while Rick helped Daryl lower Beth's body into her final resting place.
"You'll be in Daddy's arms soon Bethy," Maggie said quietly, wiping tears from her face. One by one, the others drifted off, and left Rick and Daryl to fill the grave. They worked in silence.
"It's not on you," Rick said once everyone else was gone.
"It might as well be," Daryl grunted. "I let her get taken from me to begin with. If I'd never opened that damn door. But god… she was so excited that a damn dog had been hanging around." He hung his head. "I'd wanted to make up for a fight we had…"
"What do you want from me girl?" He was drunk and he knew that, but the fact that Beth had thought of him as a man who'd been in prison before angered him. He actually cared about what she thought about him and he hated that.
"I want you to stop actin' like you don't give a crap about anything, Like nothing we went through matters… Like none of the people we lost meant anything to you!" She spoke the truth, and he knew it. "Its BULLSHIT"
"Is that what you thin?" He asked her.
"That's what I know," she said, she looked close to tears.
"You don't know nothin'"
"I know you look at me and see just another dead girl."
"She was strong. Stronger than anyone knew. Even her sister. She didn't need to be protected, she could protect herself. She wanted to change," he was rambling on, but Rick stood and listened to him. "She… she hated goodbyes."
"Then don't say goodbye," Rick said, setting his shovel down. "Say 'See you later.'" He knew what Daryl was going through, and hi didn't want the man to wind up like he had after Lori's death. "Look, I'm not tellin' you to forget about her, but we need you. And we can't afford to hang around any longer."
"I know," Daryl said. Rick nodded and clapped his hand no Daryl's shoulder before leaving. Daryl sat there by himself beside her grave.
Little Angel
Trapped inside this dream
Little Angel
You're my precious thing
Little Angel
Keep you from the pain
"I know you hate goodbyes," Daryl said softly, staring at the upset earth in front of him. "But, I have to go Little Angel; I can't be here any longer. The others want to move on. Just… Be safe and happy up there with your Daddy, and if by any chance you see Meryl… Hit him for me will ya?" He stood and sighed; he removed one of his crossbow bolts and stuck it down in the earth. "See ya later Little Angel of Mine."
He turned and walked away, unable to see the smile of the girl who stood right where he stuck the arrow, watching the wings on his back disappear. A single ghostly tear fell down her chin.
"Goodbye Daryl."