Finally!

It's Vince and Howard's anniversary but a peculiar customer enters the Nabootique intent on making Vince his bride...

OK, you have been warned...it's gonna be a weird 'un! League of Gentlemen crossover (sort of!)..."Hello Dave!"

I thought I'd make Howard and Vince a couple because then it won't be like my usual get-together-in-the-end thing and well, because it's cute (duh)!

Disclaimer: Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt own the Boosh, and LOG belongs to Jeremy Dyson, Mark Gatiss, Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith.

"OK now...don't you dare go laughing now!"

"I wont, I promise."

"Vince..." Warned Howard "I swear, if I hear one giggly peep out of you, I'll come at ya like a Northern bullet - thick and fast!"

"Ooh is that a promise?!" Teased Vince.

"Vince!" Howard blushed trying to sound annoyed, but he failed to hide the delight in his voice.

"OK, OK! I swear I won't laugh! Just come out from behind there you!"

After a couple of low grumbles, the stocky Jazz poet stepped out from behind the clothes screen in the Nabootique, only to be greeted by Vince's shocked gasp!

"VINCE! You promised!"

"What?! I'm not laughing!" And for just once, the cute electro boy was actually telling the truth. He had in fact exhaled in admiration.

"Well look at you!" He sighed, "Howard, you look really hot!"

"Really?" Hissed Howard delightedly before frowning hastily "I think I look a like a butler! With emphasis on the butt, these trousers are too tight!"

"No! They're perfect" Breathed Vince, taking in the full suited sexiness of his boyfriend.

Howard pranced around, trying to check out his reflection.

"You think so?"

"I know so!"

Howard's heart did an excited little lurch at the passion in Vince's voice.

It had been six months since they'd first declared their feelings for one another - taking that terrifying yet so natural leap from friends to lovers - and neither could have been any happier.

Howard walked up to Vince and put his arms around his slender waist and allowing himself to get trapped in his adorable blue eyed gaze.

I don't mind getting trapped though...because it's nice and I like it there...Thought Howard dreamily.

"Happy anniversary gorgeous!" Said Vince sweetly, cheekily winking as he wrapped his arms around Howard's shoulders, leaning in...

The moment threatened to turn into something more romantic until Howard actually noticed what Vince was wearing.

"Vince! You're not even ready yet," He cried, giving him a little tap on the nose. "The Camden Brasserie won't let you in dressed like that!"

Though he had to admit, Vince's outfit was endearingly appropriate for such a posh restaurant, in his own way of course. He was wearing a black T-shirt with a tuxedo pattern printed on the front with black skinny jeans and a fashionable indie blazer.

"Relax, they'll let me in!" He smiled confidently, "They won't be able to resist me!"

Howard had to smile at that.

"I know I wouldn't be able to!"

They once again moved closer only to be so rudely reminded that they were in a very public place when the Nabootique shop bell tinkled. They sprang apart (We're professionals, you know! -thought Howard) as the door opened reveal the most startling man they had ever seen (And trust me, we've seen some right weirdos in our time! Thought Vince).

"Hello Daves!"

"Um-uh excuse me?" Choked Howard. Jeez, what a creepy fellow!

The rough man was wearing a peculiar mixture of black biker leathers and a shirt of red velvet. He had a circus hat placed atop his crazy thick main of back hair and his skin...Oh man, his skin! Thought Vince I hope it's face paint...though I doubt it! All dark, flinty and crusty-ew! And those teeth...this dude seriously needs some teeth whitener - and floss pronto! Ack! Has he even heard of grooming products???

Vince recoiled into Howard as he widened his yellow smile at him.

"I said Hello Daaaaves!"

His voice was a hoarse growl, as if he were gargling mouthwash (If only!- thought Vince). His accent was equally odd. Unidentifiable, even as he stretched out words so they had multiple syllables.

"Um, we're not called Dave," stammered Howard, putting one arm protectively around Vince.

"Oh really? My apologies Dave!"

Howard frowned. Maybe he was a bit simple. "Uh riiight. Is there anything we can get for you Mr...?"

"Lazzzzzarou. My name is Papa Lazarou, and I was a thinking maybe I could do something for you."

Vince frowned at the bizarre man "No thanks Creepy Crust! Why don't ya just get out of here, yeah?"

"Easy Vince," Howard breathed in his ear supportively although he was equally desperate for him to leave. The man had startling white face paint, smeared around his yellow mouth like a clown. If Howard was completely honest, he reminded him of the Spirit of Jazz. Except that he'd never had such a wild look in his eyes like this guy did. But the way the man was prowling around Vince also strengthened the connection.

"Excuse me Dave?! I was a-thinking, maybe you would like to buy some pegs?" He enquired, opening his jacket to reveal several sewn on the inside.

The pair could only blink in astonishment and exchange surprised looks. What on earth do you say to that, really? Howard had a wild stab at replying anyway.

"Umm, no. We umm...we ordered some just yesterday, Sir. So if you're not going to buy anything, I think you should-

"Ack!" Papa Lazarou suddenly started to gag profusely (not unlike Puss in Boots from Shrek Two!) before coughing up a large black hairball on to the counter!

"Ugh that's it!" Shrieked Vince, totally grossed out, "I'm sorry -Sir- but you so have to leave."

"Why?" Lazarou rasped, wiping his mouth which caused both men to wrinkle their faces in disgust, "Is ita closing tiiime?"

"No. It's because you're a big freak! Now shoo! Bye-bye! Go on - leave!"

Howard had to admire his boyfriend's courage (and honesty!) as he flapped his arms at the weirdo, until he finally started to slope off towards the door. He did leave, but not before freaking them out a little more with a look of worryingly lustful interest at Vince.

"Very well, I like your attitude Miss! I'll be seeing you again me thinks." He growled before slinking off down the street and out of sight.

"Well that was an interesting...experience!" Laughed Vince as he locked the door and turned the sign over.

"Vince! Aren't you the slightest bit worried?" Asked Howard, marvelling at Vince's ability to laugh about anything, "I mean unless you failed to notice, he did seem a very into you."

Vince smiled at his boyfriend's worried expression, "Nah, I'll be fine. I've got big strong Howard looking after me right?" He smiled saucily as he approached him slowly.

"Big? And you said these trousers fit me!" Replied Howard, pretending to be outraged.

Vince didn't even bother replying and instead kissed the taller man hungrily, feeling thrilled and excited when Howard responded by bending him over the counter. He let out a low moan as Howard trailed tantalising kisses down his neck. But then...

"Eeeek!" Vince shrieked girlishly as he leapt up and frantically tried to remove a black glob of hair from his palm! "Eeew! Gross, gross, gross!"

Howard spluttered, desperately trying not laugh as Vince hopped around the shop yelping.

Vince frowned, trying not to smirk himself, "Thanks for your support Howard!"

He sloped off toward the flats staircase. "Aw, I'm sorry! Where you going Vince?"

"I'm gonna go wash my hands. For like a year!" He called back without turning around, sending Howard into fresh peals of laughter as soon as he was out of earshot.

Both of men were extremely happy (hairballs aside!) on that half a year anniversary. They thought nothing could go wrong. Everything was great.

But hey, this is the world of The Mighty Boosh! You just know things won't stay that way for long...

Hehe, hope you like!

Does anyone have a clue of what the heck Papa Lazarou's accent is supposed to be?! lol

Also, The Camden Brasserie is real. But I don't know if they make you dress up or not.