Still I stand here,
knowing that I've been left
speechless
in what I'd never expected
to be,
I'd never known
of what this could mean,
who I'd become
now that he was there
He'd always been the one
to pull me in,
tried to take me home
in what never could be home
I'd never fallen into that pit,
I still can't call it home
yet he's there
behind my eyelids
beckoning me to a place
that could never become my home
I can't stay there with him,
caught on whatever fragments of reality
there are
within that one place,
that one home
that he's built up for us
yet I feel
as if I've left behind
the one that would be my home
without a place to cling to,
he'd be the one that I'd call home
I'm not a romantic,
not one looking for a place to call home,
I've never wanted something like that,
never wanted to come home
to a man like that,
but I see him,
see the way he learned to dance
in my arms
and how he loved that old soup,
the way he looked at the world
as if it wasn't as dark
or as broken
as I've always known it to be
I see the snake that runs down and across his skin,
his snow white hair
those eyes that have grown red
as if draining his blood
and moving to circle it around himself
I see the man
that was once a boy that screamed outside his window
in a wild storm
and saved me,
I see the man that I've fallen in love with
I was never the one to stay put
when my job was done
or the one to feel this burning in my chest,
a yearning for a life I'd never belong to
nor was I one to trace my steps back
to a place that only felt like home
when he was there
It's been years
and I don't expect anything akin to home
as I find myself there,
watching as the bakery brings others in,
shucking off their coats
for a warm pastry
to instead fill their stomachs
and leave them toasty warm
I stand here
and wait,
knowing without having to look
that he'll trace these steps along
until he's back infront of me,
no longer just the kid that saved me on that night.