Don't Say A Word
Summary: G1. Everyone knows that Starscream is mentally unstable. But only one mech knows the secret behind his unstability. And he will do whatever it takes to keep it a secret... Slash.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Transformers.
Author's notes: The beginning is a bit odd but everything will be revealed in the end of this chapter. This is my first fic so be nice and understanding. Also, English is not my native language so this may contain some spelling errors. Feel free to tell me if you notice something. Constructive criticism very much appreciated.
WARNING: this fiction contains slash. Don't like, don't read. You have been warned.
My Fleeting Sanity
'Why am I here again?'
'To spy on Megatron and Soundwave.'
'But why?'
'Think.'
Silence.
A frustrated sigh.
'Because we are Megatron's Second-In-Command. Because we are the Air Commander of the Decepticon army. Because we are the future leader of the Decepticons. Because Megatron and Soundwave cannot be trusted.'
Silence.
Another frustrated sigh.
'Don't start with it again. You are NOT in love with him or anyone else. I'm getting tired of your disobedience. You are the cub and I am the mother wolf. I am stronger than you. Don't you understand this? Either you obey me or I'll get rid of you. Make your choice, Screamer.'
He hated that nickname. He hated Hellscream.
'I can hear you. You should know it by now. Besides, where would you be without me; "Please, don't! Please, I beg you!" Ha. I saved us. It was me, not you. You are only a part of me, nothing but my creation. We survived because of me! Or do you want to go back there…? Obey me or I'll abandon you.'
Panic.
'No! Please, don't leave me!'
'Look at you; Already reduced to begging. Do you remember now? Who's in charge here, Screamer?'
'You are, you are! Just don't leave me, please! I can't survive without you!'
'You think I don't already know that? Ah, stop your whining. And don't think so loudly, Soundwave may hear you. Now, you have work to attend to, don't blow it. Report to me tomorrow. I want to know everything.'
Hellscream moved aside and Starscream was left alone in his head once more. He wiped his tears away and peeked from the door into Megatron's throne room.
Megatron sat on his usual place and Soundwave stood beside him like a guard dog. They spoke so quietly, Starscream couldn't hear anything. He crouched and sneaked inside, behind the crates Thundercracker and Skywarp had brought there earlier. He watched the two from his hiding.
"…Perhaps it's because I have a favorite. The troops are very jealous, Soundwave. You should watch your back. They don't understand," Megatron leaned closer to his Third, "that some Decepticons deserve more than others…" He murmured and started to play with the silvery buttons on Soundwave's hips.
Soundwave took it as a cue and retracted his face mask.
Starscream felt the throbbing pain in his spark again. No matter what Hellscream said, Starscream was deeply, utterly, madly… Desperately in love with Megatron. He felt the pressure building up behind his optics. Soon he would be crying again.
As Soundwave sat on his leader's lap and leaned in to kiss him, Starscream couldn't take it anymore. He ducked back behind the crates and sneaked quietly out the door, tears already rolling down his face.
He ran as fast as he could, like the speed would wipe the picture away from his mind.
As soon as he got to his quarters, he punched the code in and ran inside, closing the door behind him. He locked it carefully and then collapsed on his recharge berth, covering his face on the cool, metallic surface.
He cried.
He cried for the memories he didn't have about his family, every abuse he had suffered in the past, every moment he had spent with his only friend, who was now lost forever.
He cried for every dark and lonely hour he had longed for Megatron's embrace, every time he had seen Megatron holding Soundwave, every nasty word he had received, every hit, every fired shot…
Until he was numb.
'Are you done? I can't sleep if you keep noise.'
'Please, help me! Erase my memories, I don't want them! Take away all the memories I have about Megatron! And Skyfire! I don't want to remember how I lost him! Wipe away the picture in my head, I can't stand it! Please, ease my pain…'
'What did I always tell you about love Starscream? Love is good for nothing, it can only hurt you. And you didn't listen. See what happens when you don't listen to me? I am the smart one. Listen to me Starscream, Megatron will only hurt you. Don't get too fond on anyone; I am the only one you need.'
'Erase my memories…'
'Calm down now Starscream. If I erase your memories, we will be at the state of a sparkling. You wouldn't want that, would you Starscream?'
'Yes, anything to ease my pain…'
'I can help you. But you must trust me. Leave everything to me and you won't be hurt ever again. I'll take care of you little one. Trust me Starling.'
Hellscream used that tender tone again. Somehow it always made Starscream feel better. Someone cared about him.
'Yes. I care about you little Starling. Do you trust me?'
Still sobbing softly against his recharge berth, Starscream offlined his optics.
'I trust you.'
Starscream slipped quietly into recharge mode, unaware of Hellscream's doings.
His alter ego was already preparing to take control of his mind, his body and his life, like so many times before.
Starscream wouldn't be the one waking up in the morning; it would be Hellscream.