Hello everybody. My name is Markiplier and welcome to Let's Read...The Markiplier Parable. Now as you may know, I happen to be in what appears to be my own fanfic. And as you know, there's a lot of crazy stuff that can happen in fanfiction. Sometimes it can be creepy and messed up, sometimes angsty and emotional. Sometiiimes it's even icky and romantic. I'm sure you've all been there. But it DOES appear that the writing seems to be decent so far, so let's just go ahead and start the fanfic, and see what happens next. Maybe...just maybe...it won't be so bad.
"This is the story of a man named Markiplier. Markiplier worked on a computer in his own home, where he was a popular Youtube celebrity. Markiplier's job was simple. He sat at his desk in his own room and he pushed the wasd keys on his keyboard while moving his mouse and clicking at the same time. This is what Markiplier did every day, of every month, every year. And although others might have considered him a lazy bum, Markiplier relished every moment of the games he played. As though he had been made exactly for this job. Markiplier...was happy.
"And then one day something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Markiplier. Something he would quite never forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour, when he realized, he wasn't even in his own room. He appeared to be in room 427 of an office building. Never in all his years as a gamer...had this happened. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Markiplier found himself unable to move for the longest time. But as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got off the desk, and stepped out of the office."
So here we are. And if you remember before, that intro is quite familiar. It looks like the author is keeping me in character and allowing me to roam free. So far I can't say I have anything to complain about considering what other fanfic writers put in their stories. Now it looks like I've been put in a game you all know as The Stanley Parable, and the only thing I can say is, I'm just a /liittle/ confused as to why the author seems to be writing out one of my videos I put on Youtube. I mean, come on, author. Surely you could have thought of something better.
"All of the co-workers were gone. What could it mean? Markiplier decided to go to the meeting room. Perhaps his life as a gamer was all a lie, and his true purpose in life was sitting in an office, pushing buttons on the keyboard all day, filling in orders."
OH, so my life is a lie. How convenient. What are you on, author? Are you really that jealous of my success as a gamer? And my good looks...And sexy voice?
"Markiplier was rambling to himself as if there was another person in the same room. He truly believed his voice was so sexy, he even had to make it sound deep in his last sentence."
OKAY then! If you say so, narrator. It's not like I have to do as you say. The author gave me free will. I can just go anywhere I want. I can enter the right door, and go to the break room, I can enter the blue door if I want, and there's nothing you can do. And that's what I'm going to do. So theeere!
"Markiplier came to a set of two open doors. He entered the door on his left."
Oh really? I think I'll go to the door on my right. Wait WHAT-ARE-YOU-DOING? I-CAN'T-MOVE. I'M-WALKING-TO-THE-LEFT. WHAT'S-GOING-ON?
"Oh Markiplier. Did you really think you had a choice in this fanfic. You must do everything I say. That's the rule. Or have you never been trapped in a piece of literature before? Haven't you ever read fanfiction of yourself written by others. You simply have no choice. You will do as I say."
OH Nononononono. I want out. I'm out. Let me out of this fic. I don't want to do this.
"Don't you understand, Markiplier? You need me. Someone who will wrap things up in the end."
Wait where are you making me walk? What are you making me do!?
"Oh Markiplier. It is so delightfully amusing to hear you squeal like this. Just like you would in your videos. You simply have to go where I say. You will walk past the broom closet whether you want to or not...Or will you?"
Wait. What's in the broom closet? What-am-I-doing-in-the-broom-closet!?
"Dear Markiplier. Have you not read the description? 'Markiplier curiously walks into the broom closet only to discover someone very lonely in need of love.'"
Oh reaaaally? Do I now? So WHO am I spending this quality time with in the broom closet? PewDiePie?
"Markiplier, I'm surprised you haven't bothered to take the time to look at the summary. This fanfic is in fact crossed over with a very popular show. A show about magic...and friendship."
...Oh-god...oh-god...oh-god-no...Nope. I'm not doing this. You can't make me. You are not making me do thiiiis. Noooope. You can't make me do this. Can't-make-me! Nope! Can't-make-me!
"Silly Markiplier. You still think you have a choice in the matter."
Yes. Yes I do!
"Have you not realized by now? Whatever the author writes, you have to follow."
No-I-don't.
"Why can't you accept your cruel fate?"
Because I don't have to!
"Markiplier, why must you make this difficult for both of us. The fact is, this story has been about nothing but you this whole time. I don't know how to convince you of this but I really do want to help you."
NO!
"To show you something beautiful."
Nope!
"Feeling a wave of disbelief. Markiplier decided to walk toward the boss' office, hoping he might find an answer on the way."
So long as I don't have to go into the broom closet. Now I don't know what you readers think. But I'm staaarting to think this author might be a bit of a douche. But /that's/ just my opinion.
"Markiplier stepped into the broom closet. There was nothing here."
Oh REAAAALLY? Then why did you make me walk in here?
"At least if he had someone to interact with, he would be justified in some way."
Then why am I in here?
"And it so happened there was somepony else inside. A Pegasus with bright banana fur...and shining pink mane."
Oooh no. I don't think so buddy!
"Markiplier gazed at the pony's sky blue eyes. He was taken aback by how gorgeous she was."
No-I-wasn't!
"Markiplier proceeded to ask,"
No-I-didn't!
"'what is a beautiful creature such as yourself doing hiding here in such a small space?'"
No-I-didn't!
"Ahem! Markiplier SAID...'What. Is. A. beautiful creature such as you-'"
Nope! I am not saying that!
"Markiplier was too busy disobeying orders, that he wanted to get right to business."
Oooh no! I'm onto your little game. And I am NOT going to-
"The shy Pegasus proceeded to answer, 'why, I don't know where I am, or how I got here. But I'm scared and I need help.'"
OH REALLY? YOU need help? Well that's just tooooo bad, isn't it?
"Markiplier proceeded to gently stroke"
Hey! what are you making me do!?
"the pony's soft fur."
Stop making me do things!
"He answered, 'it's alright.'"
No it isn't!
"'I'll help you.'"
No I won't!
"The yellow Pegasus gazed at Markiplier's lovely hair. The sound of his sexy voice was like an orgasm to her ears, almost bringing her to her knees."
OH REALLY? An ORGASM to her ears?...I do have that effect on people.
"The shy delicate pony really wanted Markiplier."
Oh come on now! She's a PONY!
"Markiplier wanted to be with her as well."
Oh really, come on now!
"The two got closer together, and proceeded to kiss."
Now really! Wait! What are you doing? Don't make me do this! Why-are-you-doing-this-to-me?
"Markiplier was shrieking in what sounded like utter terror,"
Yes I was! And still am!
"But was really a squeal of sheer delight."
Oh REALLY? I'm making love to a pony and YOU are calling it sheer delight. Nice one narrator. Who is writing this, anyway? I know the Internet is a messed up place, but I mean, come on maan-wait! Where are my clothes? What are all my clothes doing on the floor? Why is that pony lying on her back. What's going on? Oh god no.
"After a magical moment of passionate kissing. The two proceeded to make hot angry love throughout the entire night."
HOT ANGRY LOVE? OH REALLY? Oh god! Oh-god! Nononono! This is wrong. This is wrong, fanfic writer! You are wrong! You are a messed up person! You will not get away this, I can assure you! You. Are. MESSED. UP! You will pay for this!
I see you! I see you! Typing on your keyboard, hiding behind your computer, in your little office, just laughing at me. Laughing at every little word you are typing in OpenOffice. But let me tell YOU something, mister. This is not over. I will find you. And you are going to pay for this crime against humanity you have just now committed. Mark my words!
"Although the two were having such an amazing experience, Markiplier would not stop complaining. I was merely trying to show him something beautiful. But throughout this whole scene, he has done nothing but shriek in horror, while sobbing sobbingly."
Sobbingly? Sobbingly!? Where do you come up with these words?
"And continue to bash the narrator."
You damn right!
"If only he understood."
No I don't understand!
"If only he knew."
Knew what?
"That I was only trying to help him."
I don't think so, pal!
"That I only wanted what was best for him."
I'm in the broom closet screwing a pony. That's your idea of what's best for me? Wait, what's going on? OH GOD, EEEW! That is just gross! Just. Whyyy!? Come oooon man! You are a sick person, narrator. And YOU, author, are an even sicker person.
"The two lovers finally reached their climax. Being worn out, they lay next to one another, embracing each other."
Welp...it can't get any worse than this.
"Markiplier didn't mean all of those things he said."
Yes I did.
"Deep down, he loved her."
Nope.
"He truly loved her."
Not in this lifetime!
"He even considered proposing."
Okay, how the hell am I supposed to marry a pony?
"The two slept together throughout the night, without a care in the world."
Oh I care. I really care. How the fuck did you come up with this anyway? I mean really. What possible part of your deranged messed up brain did you pull this from?
"I can't really say where the idea came from. Except I...found it in my soul...Maybe, when you go talk about this with your friends you'll say, 'did you get the broom closet ending? The broom closet ending was my favorite!'"
Oh sure I will. I'll just go right on ahead and rush over to ALL of my friends. And tell them what an amazing experience I had in the broom closet. Yeah...that's exactly what I'll do.
Oh look at this author. How he wishes to destroy others. How he wishes to control others. How he wishes to be God.