Note- this isn't all in the form of a diary. I'll make sure that isn't so, but I'm going with the flow here :)

Stephanie Meyer owns all of Twilight, I'm just borrowing her character names here ;)

Tuesday, 26th April, 2011

Dear Diary.

I had a big shock today. I found out I was pregnant, and I don't know who the Dad is. Call me whatever, but I had been going through a rough patch in my life.

More to come,

Alice.

To be truthful, I had been through a rough patch in my life. My whole life was a rough patch. I was 21, born to wealthy parents who didn't really understand that I needed to be cared for, so they just literally threw notes at me, and told me to go find my own food. At least I could afford it. I dropped out of school, aged 17, and got myself into sex, drugs and alcohol. I didn't really see this as a problem, and went out almost every night.

Only one time, one night out, had I realised that I was killing myself. It was a fun night out with my ex, and we had got completely wasted. Too wasted. I woke up, in an alleyway, with my head banging, and in the middle of nowhere. My saviour was some bloke who was crossing the road, and had seen me and helped me find my way home. That was last year, and ever since then, I've lowered how much I drank, but it was difficult, and I slipped of the band wagon multiple times. And that was where the unknown guys came in. Of course, I had slept with guys when I was sober, but I still don't remember their faces, and never kept in touch.

So, overall, my life came to another halt, as I found myself holding a positive pregnancy stick in my bathroom, in my apartment, in New York City.

There were so many possible people out there, and I figured I would never find out who it was. It wasn't hard to accept, seeing as I knew what I was doing anyway, but I knew if I were to keep this baby, I'd have to lay off all the drugs, all the alcohol, and start exercising and eating healthy.

As easy it is to imagine, I knew that it will almost be an impossibility, and my folks are hardly going to chip in emotionally, so I had no idea how to care for a child, never mind what to do when pregnant. Do I go to a doctor?

I dropped the test into my waste basket and walked into my living room, picking up my hand held phone and pressing speed dial. My closest friend in the city, who I grew to know when I was at high school. Bella. She was my age, and living the dream. She married some salesman who travelled a lot, and he earned big bucks, and I mean big. She would stay here in the city, while he travelled far and wide, and spend all of his earnings.

"Alice, I'm busy right now. I got a hot topic to tell you about later, OK?"

"Really, Bells? This is urgent, give a girl a break."

Bella paused. "Hold on. I'll be half an hour, then I'll come to yours, happy?"

"Much." I muttered, ending the call. Bella wasn't how you would say...faithful to her husband. Different men came and went when her husband was away, and I had a feeling that he knew something was up, but wouldn't say anything. I forget his name, as I'd end up feeling more sorry for him if I did.

True to her word, an hour and a half later, she arrived at my door, and let herself in, when i was watching a TV show and eating a packet of chips.

"What's up?" She jumped on the couch next to me, causing me to bounce in my seat. She nagged a chip and smirked. "I met...a great guy."

"Great in bed, more like?" I asked sarcastically, and she nodded.

"Exactly. You know me so well."

"How was it?"

"Long..." She giggled. "I had to kick him out early after, but we planned to meet again. It was so sweet- he said he didn't usually jump into bed with a stranger. Such an innocent man."

"How old was he?" I wondered casually.

"24. And he looks younger. He is gorgeous. Literally!" She crossed her legs. "What's on?"

"I don't really know. Nothing's going in."

Bella leaned forward. "Why'd you call me out? What's the urgent news?"

"Er...I found out I am pregnant."

She was quiet. "Seriously?" I nodded. "Who's?"

I shrugged, thinking it over. How many could it have been? Were we even protected? "No idea. One of the many."

"What are you going to do about it?"

I turned to look at her. "What do you think I'd do?"

She frowned for a moment. "You'd...keep it?" My face must have given me away. "Ugh! Alice, you can't keep a stranger's baby! That's disgusting! They have no idea, right?"

"Exactly! They don't know I'm pregnant, and won't see me again in such a big city, and so they won't ever know!"

"Alice, why is it always you to do something like this?"

I stopped myself from interrupting her. "I guess that's just the way I am."

Bella's advice overall was to trace my steps to find if the guy was hot enough for a cute baby. Lovely.

She told me that once I found someone, if I did with 'that thing' inside of me, me, my 'guy, or girl, whichever', her and her new man, should double date. I'm not looking forward to it to say the least, and so I declined.

"But Alice! You could always come with us with no guy! I'm sure I can share?" She pouted, but I shook my head.

"Stay away from me. You're a bad influence." I joked.

"I don't think I have the balls, quite literally, to get the blame for this pregnancy." She muttered, and I laughed.

"I'm keeping it. So shush."

"Whatever you say, but I'll bring him round one time. Is there a possibility that he could stay here, closer to when he comes back?" She knew I never knew her husband's name, and didn't make an effort to try to call him by name. It was pitiful, her marriage.

"You're going to get caught eventually."

"I know." Bella looked down. In my opinion, she brought it all on herself. Just like I brought this baby on myself.

I decided to make a diary, counting the days through my pregnancy, to help me carry on, and not slip back to what I was. I was going to sort my life out, starting by finding my own man. And man meaning not one of Bella's 'men'. A boyfriend. And I would try today. I'll put out a bit more, smile more, and pretend that I'm...single.

"Bells, can we go out? Not drinking, but just anywhere."

"Sure?" She seemed as if it was extremely rare for that to happen. It was.

We went somewhere simple, the shopping mall. We linked arms and went to buy some new clothes, and I went to the toilets to go change, and we wandered around the mall for a while. I felt that the extra effort did nothing, as I did't even seem to get a glimpse of any decent guy! I pouted at Bella.

"It's not working!"

"Maybe I should introduce you to some guys I know."

"Maybe." I replied. I obviously couldn't find anyone alone, could I?

"Can we pop to the ladies again?"

"Sure." We went back to the bathroom, and I told her I'd wait outside on the long sofa that stretched across the wall, and sat down, taking out my magazine and flicking through a few pages. i wasn't sure why she needed to go, since we only had been there...10 minutes ago.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" A male voice made me jump, and I looked up, into the dark eyes of a smiling blond, whose hair hung in locks around his face, and I shuffled over, nodding.

"Sure. go ahead." He took the seat next to me, and I awkwardly carried on reading.

"Are you waiting for anyone?" He wondered out loud, and I looked up, folding my magazine and putting it back in my bag.

"Er...yes. She's somewhere, in there." I nodded to the toilets. "You?"

He nodded. "Yeah...my friend, told me to meet her here."

"That's cool. What's her name?"

"Bella."

I frowned, incredulous. "Bella Swan by any chance?"

"Yeah, you know her?"

"That's the one I'm waiting for. I had no idea-"

"-Nor had I. Um...I'm Jasper." His eyes bored into mine, and I blinked. He broke eye contact with me, looking behind me, and standing up. I turned around, and Bella sauntered over, opening her arms to Jasper.

"Jazz! You came!" She kissed him on the lips, and he pulled back quickly. "And you've already met my best friend, Alice!" She grinned happily at me and Jazz had a look of surprise on his face. He put an arm around her waist, and it looked like it had loosened when I looked at it.

"Er...yeah. Um...what was the plan? I'm on my lunch break, you see..."

I stood up, and smiled at the both of them. "Er...I think I'm going to get back home, because..."

Bella nodded. "Yeah, Jazz, do you know any single guy friends of yours? Alice here is single and ready to mingle. Bet you could recommend some decent ones, right?" Oh God, no! I felt a pull to Jazz already, and I hadn't known him that long! This is so embarrassing!

Jazz smiled tightly. "Sure. I'm sure I could figure someone out." Ouch? "I'm not entirely sure if there's any one good enough for someone like her, but I'll look around." Um...OK?

"Well it was nice to meet you." I started walking backward, and Bella's eyes widened and she stepped forward away from Jazz, and came to give me a hug.

"He's great, isn't he?" She whispered and let me go, and I quickly made my way back to my car. Bella'll catch a lift off Jazz, I presume. I headed back home, and collapsed on my bed. It was only 3pm. What was I going to do for the rest of the day? I couldn't spend my days moping because the only guy that I take a fancy to is taken by my best friend!

Oh, God. it sounds worse when you say it in your head! I bet it sounds even worse than that if you actually say it out loud!

Should I? I've never really been one to talk into an empty room. It's the first sign of craziness, even though I am still a slightish bit crazy right now.

Maybe I should book a doctors appointment for my pregnancy news.

TV sounds better at the moment. Or food.

I found myself at 5pm, sitting on my couch like a couch potato, eating a celery stick. I had eaten dinner already before. The door creaked and Bella's head stuck out, knocking on it.

"Hey Alice!" She shut the door slowly, and whispered to me. "Did you like him, then?"

I shrugged. An understatement itself. "I didn't really speak to him."

"Well you have plenty of time now- he's outside right now."

My mouth fell open. "What? Bella! I'm a mess!"

"You look fine! Just...wipe your...cheek. You've got something there." I wiped my cheek. "Bit...more...okay it's gone." She went back to the door, and Jasper hesitantly walked through.

"Are you sure it's okay, Alice?" I nodded at the glorious man in front of me. "It's a great place you've got. What are you watching?" Bella went off into my kitchen and he sat down next to me on the other bean bag.

"Um...Star Trek."

"Ah, let the force be with you."

I smirked. "I knew I wasn't the only one to get confused between Star Trek and Star Wars."

"Did I? Ha!" He laughed, looking closer to the screen.

"Yeah. The oriental guy said he had that sword training or whatever, and I was thinking 'well that's good, because of those laser beam things', yeah?"

He nodded. "I totally get that."

"Right. So what did you and Bella do today?"

"She brought some...stuff."

"Cool." Bella made her entrance, and immediately sat on Jasper's lap, and he sat back, surprised, or so I thought, as he pulled her up his lap, and she smiled.

"What are we watching?"

"Star Wars." I replied, and she nodded casually, and me and Jasper shared a smirk. 10 minutes later, she had had enough of the film, and starting making out with Jasper, and I couldn't stand it, so I got up and headed for my bedroom. They wouldn't notice. I retreated to under my covers and pulled out a book from my drawers. My diary. The first day was dated today, on a Tuesday, and I would continue to write entries until the baby is born. Someone knocked at my door and I looked up as I was in the middle of updating the entry, and Bella stuck her head around.

"Are you alright? You just walked out."

"I'm not much for PDA." I mumbled.

"Well before it used to be the other way around..."

"Well I'm just not comfortable with it." I shot back. "If you wanna go kiss, kiss in your own house, which your husband owns. Does Jasper know about him."

"Why should he? It's not anything serious."

"Which one? The husband or him?"

"Both." She narrowed her eyes. "You've never been like this with any other guy...are you okay?"

"I'm fine." I exclaimed, shutting my diary.

"What's that?" She looked to the book.

"Nothing. Just another book of mine."

"Of?"

"Stuff! Bella, just go. I'm reading!" She raised her eyebrow, but went off anyway, back to Jasper.

P.S I think Jasper is really cool, but I can't tell Bella. I wish a sign would show me the way.

I put the diary back in my drawer, knowing nobody really ever goes in my room, besides when I meet a guy...but other than that, nobody would go through my personal stuff. I got up, and went back into my living room, where Bella had taken my seat, and Jasper was watching me, from what I could see, as I went to the toilet, and I shut the door once inside.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Did I always look so pale? I look blotchy and tired. Hmm...maybe it's the light...

Turned light off. Can barely see.

Light goes on. In daylight you probably can't tell. This light shows ff your worse features. I may change it. As I came out of the toilet, Jasper stood up.

"Do you mind?" He looked toward the toilet, and I nodded.

"Go ahead." I've said that before, haven't I?

I took a seat on the sofa and grabbed a magazine from the pile on the floor.

"What do you think, Alice? You usually judge every one of them."

"Do I?"

"Yeah. With your face. But you're blocking any signal that you do or don't like him. I can't see."

"Well I didn't think you could read my face every time. I just...I think you should tell your husband. He deserves to know the truth. Jasper too."

She scoffed. "Jazz is just a little bit of...fun. Give it a few more nights, and I'll find someone else."

"See? You don't respect anyone, Bells. Maybe everyone of your little... play toys, get hurt! Or maybe they're expecting that it won't last very long."

"Are you accusing me of being a slut? Because last time I checked I'm not the one with a bun in the oven."

"Well at least I'm trying to sort my whole life out. You're still sleeping around, as I can see."

"Shush." Jasper came out of the bathroom, and went back to his seat.

"So what do you do, Jasper?"

"As in my job?" I nodded. "I own a book store down town. I think I've actually seen you there before."

"The Book Load?" I asked, interested, and he nodded.

"I own it. It's good money, and I love books, so it's my perfect job." He smiled.

"I always go in there." I shook my head, amazed.

He shrugged. "Maybe I was in the stock room or out when you came."

The movie soon finished and Jasper got up. "I better get going. I've left one of my guys running the store, and need to close it."

Bella got up and led him to the door, and I called out. "I'll see you soon Jasper, maybe in the Load."

Jasper turned around and smirked. "Sure. And call me Jazz."

I will. Bella shut the door behind her and then I was alone in my place once again. Bella had him, and I didn't. I couldn't now anything, with this stupid friend rule. Bella drove me crazy sometimes. And Jazz drove me crazy in a whole other light. That whole night I couldn't stop thinking about one person, besides that guy off Star Trek.

Jazz. I didn't even know his surname. I wonder what it was. Could I casually slip it into a conversation with Bella? I think i needed a few more books. And I should buy one each day. I needed to meet Jazz again. Bella has a guy already. Screw the rules.

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