The pain that I felt when I lost him is something that cannot be compared to anything I have been through before. Dean was my air. He was my energy. He possessed the key to not just my heart, but to my soul. Seeing him leave me to pursue a gold plated belt, that he would eventually lose, hurt every single inch of my body. I remember lying in the backseat of the car, not crying, but mourning the death of something that was so beautiful… so perfect.
I guess the perfection relied on him. I was nothing before him. I was an independent wrestler that got a break because my uncle was Dwayne Johnson. The WWE didn't want someone like me; they wanted someone with my lineage. I, Rayna Johnson, was a Diva with no purpose. I was a place holder in a failing division.
Every time I would beg for a chance, or even a rivalry, I would be pushed aside and introduced as Rayna "Pebble" Johnson. But Dean changed that. He saw me for who I really was; a woman with a passion for wrestling and a heart full of love. He broke down my walls and helped me fight the office for a chance.
"Believe in her," he would tell Hunter over and over again, "Just like you believe in The Shield." I would sit outside the office and pray that he wouldn't lose his job over me. Then it finally happened. They gave me a chance.
I teamed up with Dean after the Shield disbanded. We tore down the house every night we were out there. The fans would scream for us and they loved us. The office fell in love with our chemistry, while we fell in love with each other.
I remember the day that he told me they were pushing him to be the WWE champion. I was so excited. My love would finally be on the top of the company, but then I heard the whispers. Apparently the office didn't want me around to distract him. In order for Dean to get the title that he deserved, he would have to end our relationship.
He didn't even have to tell me it was over; I could see the pain and hatred in his eyes. I felt so numb that I couldn't cry; I just ran. I ran and ran from the pain trying to escape its grasp, but it caught me like a snake captures it prey and squeezed the life out of me.
I wanted to die and for several months, I did.
