A Typical Monday for Hatori-san.

Been wanting to write this for a while now. I'm hoping to go through all the major characters…
Reviews make me happy and smiley. That makes me update more. I'm also a painfully slow typer...


Hatori plopped onto his overstuffed leather chair, threw his briefcase over to the chaise lounge on the other side of the room, took a sip of his scalding hot coffee, and began to drum his fingers on his desk.

It was a Monday. And Mondays to Shigure and Ayame meant "Let's annoy Hatori."

The doorbell rang and Shigure came in, dressed in purple. " 'Tori-san!" he exclaimed, sitting on the chaise.

"Shigure-san."

"You're not wearing purple!" the dog yelled, jumping to his feet. "Don't you know what day it is?"

"Let's be an Idiot Day?" asked Hatori dryly.

"No! It's PURPLE day. SHAME!!!" And with that remark, Aaya stalked into the room. He was wearing his fur coat from high school, his hair was braided loosely, and he was toting a purple umbrella for some reason- it wasn't raining.

Hatori was less-than-thrilled.

"Tori!" chirped the snake, practically jumping around the room. "You'll NEVER believe what happened yesterday! Momiji…"

The rest of his speech was lost to Hatori, who was busily shifting through Akito's huge medical file. Gradually he became aware that Aaya had stopped talking and was now staring at him intensely. "You think I'm boring, don't you?" Aaya asked, looking pathetically at the floor.

"Sorry…" apologised Hatori, but the snake had already stalked out the door.

Shigure sighed. "Aaya…"

"He's probably gone to find Tohru."

"You're right." The two juunishi lapsed into silence.

Suddenly a window popped up on Hatori's computer screen, accompanied by a jingle that made the two jump. "What the-" yelped Hatori, before looking at the screen.

It was an MSN window that held a single line:

Snake'SKin: HATORI-SAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!

Shigure read the screen over Hatori's shoulder and heaved a sigh. "Oh, bananas."

Hatori was busy typing a reply.

Dragondoctor: Aaya. Shut up.

Snake'SKin: Awww…Tori-saann…

Dragondoctor: AAYYAAAA!

(Snake'SKin has signed off.)

Shigure leaned back on the chaise lounge. "So…?"

"He's probably coming back from the Internet café…"

"TORI-SAN!" yelled the goofy snake, flouncing in like he owned the place. "How COULD you?!"

Hatori sighed. "Go home…Akito's coming at 11 for his appointment."

The authoress walked in and asked, "Is Akito a guy or a girl?"

"Who ARE you?" chorused the three.

"Nnn…? Blake…"

"Wh-" they started, but were cut off by her disappearing into thin air.

Suddenly Kureno ran into the room, panting insanely. "Akito…fell…stairs…bruises…weak lungs…" he managed to spurt, then fell onto the (now overcrowded) chaise lounge.

"Oh, great," inthused Aaya, heaving a huge depressed sigh. "Kureno's passed out, and now he's sweating all over my boots."

"The HORROR…" replied Hatori, rolling his eyes and grabbing his briefcase. "Come on, we've gotta go help Akito."

"Fish sticks!" shrieked Shigure, grabbing Aaya's umbrella and running after him. Hatori had no choice but to run after him.

They got to the main house and were hurriedly guided towards the steps, which were covered with a thick frosting of people. (Mmm…frosting.)

\Hatori jostled through and saw Akito on the ground, barely breathing. "Move out of the WAY!" he yelled, then carefully lifted the "god's" small, light frame.

As the three (and Akito, so I guess that's four…) ran back to the office, Haru began jogging beside them. "Yo," he said to Shigure, who jumped. "Whassup?"

"Eh?!" said the utterly confuzzled dog.

"Nevermind," replied Haru, who'd just glimpsed Akito on Hatori's shoulder.

They burst into the office, shoved Kureno off of the chaise lounge, laid Akito down, then Hatori went off to get some fancy medical supplies.

Aaya and Shigure sat on the floor gasping for breath. "What?" asked Haru, reading a medical chart on the wall.

"How(gasp) can you (pant) be so (huff) ENERGETIC?!?" the two asked insanely.

"I actually have endurance. Unlike you all."

-i-c-a-m-e-b-y-c-a-r-c-o-m-f-o-r-t-a-b-l-y-a-n-d-i-n-v-i-n-c-i-b-l-y-

Ritsu knew he had to go to Hatori. It was only a matter of time before he went-gulp- spastic again, so he had to get Hatori to calm him down.

He stood on the street corner next to the office, resplendent in a kimono (he still couldn't dress normally) and some traditional sandals. He took a deep breath, steeled himself for the ordeal to come, then timidly walked over to the door, reached out a hand and opened it- and was met with a scene of absolute chaos.

Haru had gone "black" and was now attempting to kill Shigure while being pinned to the floor by an irate Aaya. Akito had an IV in and was rapidly becoming more conscious. Hatori was thwacking things with his stethoscope, trying to get some attention…and Kureno was still passed out on the floor.

All this was too much for our spastic cross-dresser Ritsu, who promptly exploded. "GOMEN NAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!! I SHOUGD NEVER HAVE GONE TO HATORI'S OFFICE BECAUSE I WAS FEELING SPASTIC AND I ANGERED HARU AND AKITO IS NOW ASHAMED OF MY PRESSSSSSSSSENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO SORRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

There was a shocked silence.

"Wow," said Haru, "black"-ness forgotten. "That was…wow…spastic…"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! GOOMEN NA-" the monkey's budding rampage was cut off by Shigure poking him in the side with a scale model of a femur.

Ritsu deflated as Shigure stood over him and shouted triumphantly, "I FIGHT FOR JUSTICE!"

Kureno gave a little groan beside the chaise lounge, but no one cared.

Hatori finally found his tongue depressors, and a tiny flashlight. He pried Akito's mouth open and checked if his airway was clear. After a minute, he sighed in relief and said, "He's fine."

"Great," said Hatsuharu, sarcastic.

Hatori shot a glance at him and the ox shut up. "I'm going to bring him back to the main house. Don't destroy my office."

-w-h-e-n-s-n-o-w-m-e-l-t-s-i-t-b-e-c-o-m-e-s-s-p-r-i-n-g-

Yuki was annoyed and sick, but mostly annoyed, seeing as Shigure had sent both him AND Kyo to Hatori's office. Together. In a group. The cat and rat were both barely suppressing their tempers, and the scene that met them as they walked into the office did nothing to help.

Haru was singing "Hakuna Mattata" with Aaya at the top of his lungs, and the snake was embroidering Shigure's kimono with the words, "I got this from Ayame: Value from the Heart. Be jealous." Ritsu was drinking a bottle of sake with Shigure on his feet, curled up in dog form. And Kureno was…passed out. Still.

"Oh, god…" exclaimed Yuki, cringing.

"What the beep happened here?" asked Kyo, his cat ears erect.

"Oh. Hi." said Haru, fixing Yuki's collar.

"KYONKISHI!!!!!!!!"

Bristle. Cat ears. "Don't CALL me that!!!"

Shigure trotted over to Kyo and wagged his tail. "Hey."

Kyo bristled. "SHIGURE!!!"

"What?" asked the dog, looking about as cute as anyone could stand.

"NEVERMIND!" yelled Kyo, stomping over to the chaise lounge and sitting on top of Aaya.

"Mmph," Aaya grunted, which made Kyo realize he was sitting on top of a sentient being.

Hatori walked in, saw the extra people, groaned, and plopped into his chair. "WHAT?" he asked, grabbing everyone's attention, even the very tipsy Ritsu in the corner who was forcefeeding sake to Kureno.

"What what?" asked Aaya cutely. He grabbed the bottle of sake from Ritsu and drank the last of it. He belched loudly. "Scuse me."

Ritsu began to cry.

"What are all you guys doing here?!?"

"Where?"

"IN MY OFFICE!" Ritsu, who was still spastic, even though he was drunk, began warbling apologies until Haru presented him with an appletini, which he slurped happily.

"We're nurturing family togetherness." explained Shigure, poofing back into human form and grabbing his kimono from Aaya.

Haru started dancing to his iPod music. A closer look revealed that he was listening to Justin Timberlake. And just when you readers thought it couldn't get any worse…

Haru sang along.

Haru had always been a horrible singer, ever since he was a tiny mewling of a juunishi.

"I can't wait to fall in loooooooooove…with you!"

Aaya shrieked in pain. Shigure dove under Hatori's desk.

"You can't wait to fall in llllllloooooooooooooooooooooove… with me!"

Kureno and Ritsu re-passed out simultaneously.

"This just can't be summer loooooooooooooooooove…you see!"

Kyo and Yuki ran out of the office, shrieking hysterically.

"Am I really that bad?" asked Haru.

"YES!!!!!!!"

-t-h-e-r-e-m-u-s-t-b-e-a-w-a-t-e-r-m-e-l-o-n-s-m-a-s-h-i-n-g-t-o-u-r-n-a-m-e-n-t-

Momiji was always slightly bouncy and adventurous, being the rabbit. So when he saw Yuki and Kyo running out of Hatori's office like they were cursed, he knew that that was where he had to go.

"YAY!" he yelled, bursting into the overcrowded room.

A groan answered his peppy arrival. Shigure, Aaya, Kureno, and Ritsu were all tipsy, leaning on each other like bowling pins, Haru was dancing his heart out, and Hatori looked like he might cry.

"What happened here?" he asked, his eyes as round as bowling balls. "It looks like a bomb went off!"

Shigure attempted to lean on Momiji's shoulder, but missed and ended up smacking Ritsu, who'd finished his oh-so-yummy appletini. "Have some sake," he encouraged.

"Okay!" enthused Momiji, taking the proffered bottle.

15 minutes later, everyone except Hatori and Haru (who was still dancing) was either passed out or smashed.

"Woo…" slurred Aaya, leaning heavily on Kureno. "Kure- kuuuuuuunnn…you're my greatest idollll…….."

"Aw!" chirped Shigure. "Come on Momiji, give us a hug…" The tipsy rabbit crawled over to Shigure and managed a kind of half-hug.

"J'aimerais…tu…" he mumbled, eyes crossed. "Bleeaaahhhh…"

Ritsu was babbling randomly to thin air, insisting that he wasn't drunk and his name was Bobbinies. "No, really…" he slurred, his hair in a mess. "Ya know, appletinis are reeeeaaaaaaaaalllly yummy…." He trailed off, putting his head in Kureno's lap and falling asleep.

Hatori was rapidly getting a headache. He turned off his laptop and grabbed the bottle of sake from the sideboard. "No sense in wasting good liquor," he remarked, downing the bottle.

-r-a-n-d-o-m-n-e-s-s-

It's not much of a surprise why Hatori hates Tuesdays too.

Hangovers.


Ta-daaaa! I can see your hits! Review or I will eat your alpacas! RAWR!!!!
"You will eat a muffin! And you're going to LIKE it!"

-blake