"Wait." Vincent called out as his fingers closed around her thin wrist. She spun around to look at him, her bangs having been swept away from her left eye due to the movement. She smiled a smile that could melt hearts for miles around, and the knowledge that her smile belonged to him but would soon belong to that tepid scientist after she left made his heart ache with longing. Less than an hour ago, they had been lovers rapt in the ecstasy of one another. Now, the turk was simply her bodyguard bidding her farewell as she went into the night to go meet another man. This was a routine he was accustomed to and at first was indifferent towards. That was before his attachment to her overrode almost anything else.
He dropped his gaze, not wanting to see her beautiful face in fear that he might lose his resolve to ask her what had been nagging at his thoughts as of late. Too many times had he opted to remain silent and simply lose himself in the moment with her.
It used to be enough for him to enjoy her presence with no thoughts of the future. However, Vincent found himself growing more and more discontented with "the moment" in their recent time spent together. He knew of course that the reason for this wasn't out of a discontent for her but was born instead out of the fact that she was not entirely his, a truth that was beginning to bother him more and more.
He had advocated she spend time with her friends, family, and colleagues because he knew it made her happy and he knew that socializing was good for her well being. He questioned that said well being though when she was socializing with Professor Hojo. Her late night scientific and romantic excursions with the professor appeared to have an opposing effect on her health. Hojo would allow Lucrecia access to his laboratory a few nights every week. They would work in Hojo's lab for hours on end until morning's light. Vincent knew that they were primarily doing scientific research and studies and sharing ideas and theories with each other, but he also knew they were physical with one another throughout those nights as well. Vincent had to remind himself that that was Lucrecia's choice and prerogative. Regarding her health however, he had observed that Lucrecia would always behave strangely after having met with Hojo. Her eyes would be excited but strained from lack of sleep and her conversations would be all over the place, ideas and connections spewing from her lips but with no grounded organization very much unlike the poised scientist Vincent had slowly succumbed to adoring. The turk's trained eyes didn't miss the pallor of her skin or the slight tremble in her hands when she returned to him, as if she was dehydrated...or afraid.
Still, Vincent was aware that it was hard for him to accurately perceive her level of well being while she was Hojo. Namely because the line between Vincent's wishful thinking that Hojo was not good for Lucrecia and the actual reality of the situation was too blurred. Which is why the turk had made the decision to simply ask her out rightly if she felt happy while with Hojo. A risky if not needy question on his part but he just couldn't avoid the issue of sharing her with another man any longer.
"Vincent?" her voice chimed like bells into his ears and pulled him from his thoughts. He flicked his wine colored eyes up and peered at her through his ebony bangs. She had moved closer in their few moments of silence and although her left wrist was still ensnared in the light grasp of Vincent's long fingers and gloved palm, she used her free hand to trace up the turks forearm, bicep, and finally rested his shoulder. He noticed that her long eyelashes were highlighted by the dusky rays of the evening sun. She gripped his suit fabric tightly , pulling the collar away from his neck so that she could utter her tantalizing words into his ear,
"You need not ask for a goodbye kiss my love. Take it. I'm yours." she whispered.
The invitation to kiss her was nearly irresistible but her last words cleared any trace of longing from his thoughts. She was his? Oh how he wished he could simply accept her words as truth. The turk's sharp reasoning overruled his deep desire to believe her. Her words only begged the question: how could she be his if she was also Hojo's?
Her lips brushed the nape of his neck and, difficult though it was, Vincent managed to still himself and lean back from her a slight.
"Lucrecia." His voice was calm and controlled but held within it the slightest hint of impatience. He stared at her and in response the brunette narrowed her eyes and drew her features into a pout, the beginnings of a smile touching the corners of her mouth as she desperately tried to parody Vincent's serious expression to no avail.
"Vincent." she said in her mock-serious tone.
Now was the time. He couldn't let his chance to address their relationship slip away yet again. So he spoke, and in his haste forgot to control and word this in such a way so as not to make her feel cornered or taken aback. He had initially planned to ask her a simple yes or no question so that she would not have to defend her reasoning. He knew better than anyone that nothing upset her more than having her decisions questioned. If he had asked the question he had intended to, she could have merely answered "yes" or "no" and the issue would have been settled with no further explanation. He wouldn't need to hear anything else. Instead, his words made him sound not like a controlled, detached bodyguard but like the jealous lover he was.
"What do you see in him?" Vincent was surprised by the sharpness in his own voice and knew the instant he heard her fast intake of breath that he had made a mistake. Her eyes widened then fluttered down. Any hint of a smile that was there moments before could not be found. She turned, pulling her arms away from the dark haired turk. She put a few paces of distance between herself and her bodyguard and exhaled.
Vincent's gaze didn't leave her as she distanced herself from him. Lucrecia's back was to the turk and even though he would normally admire this view of her, he did not find himself enjoying it now. She seemed tense, cold. Vincent felt an emptiness flash through him and for a fraction of a second considered closing the few feet between them, wrapping his arms around her, telling her to forget about it and that he doesn't care what her answer is as long as she loves him too. The only sound heard in the spacious living room was the creek of floor boards as Vincent stepped forward, unconsciously following his impulse to embrace her. He froze and reconsidered. He does care what her answer is.
Before he could go back on his resolve once more she turned her head to the side, letting Vincent see her right profile. There was a smirk on her lips as she answered.
"He has...a brilliant mind that I...am entranced with..." she faced away from him again and continued, "I am in awe of his scientific brilliance….I yearn to be the one closest to him. He makes me think big and critically.. and I know that my thinking is at it's best when I am with him." she paused then ended her train of thought, her tone haughty and curt, "We would be the most influential pair of minds in the entire scientific community. We would be unstoppable."
Vincent took a few moments to process this. He had not expected her to go so in depth and reveal so much of her intentions but decided it was good she did even though he would rather have not heard it. On the one hand, he felt relieved that she was using Hojo partially for personal gain. On the other hand he was dismayed that the future she envisioned with Hojo was the one she absolutely wanted. He didn't need to ask to know that much. The pride in her stance, the yearning in her voice. She wanted Hojo. She wanted that life. She wanted to be admired and applauded like Hojo. She loved the professor and the power he offered.
Vincent exhaled a strained breath, his eyes shutting out the vision of her back to him. He tried to relax and focus but her words had unraveled him. She had said so much in those few sentences. The turk's thoughts turned bitter.
So, Lucrecia, you have to share your affections with two men because the one has a brilliant mind and a promise of fame that you cannot resist and the other has…? Maybe that was the question I should have asked you. What do you see in me Lucrecia? Anything? Do I compare to the brilliant mind or am I just being used to make the brilliant mind jealous? Or am I just a game to amuse you until you have who you really want..?
Vincent curled his long fingers into fists. He had to say something. He had to react. She was waiting. He dare not voice his inner thoughts for even as angry and hurt as he was, he did not want to push this any further. Push her any further. He couldn't lose her. He had to subtly discourage her decision.
"Well," he started, restraining any trace of emotion, "it has been said that the space between brilliance and madness is smaller than the width of a thread."
She laughed at this. A hopeless, broken laugh that startled Vincent. He was met with teary eyes as she whirled around to look at him, distress evident on her face.
"So what do you suggest I do then Vincent? Choose the maddened mind or the cynical one?" Her tears had not fallen but her cheeks were flushed and her words shaky. Vincent felt the anger within him evaporate at the site of her. All he wanted was for her to be happy. Genuinely happy. He sighed, his expression grim.
"Lucrecia," he took the few steps needed to close the distance between them and rested his gloved palms on her shoulders. "I want you to choose yourself." Not your work. Not fame. Not power. Not sadness. Not Hojo…...Not me…just happiness.
"Oh Vincent.." she drew closer and guided his head down with her slender hands. "You don't have to lie so earnestly. I know what you really want." She kissed him then, a passionate display of affection that disabled Vincent's train of thought. He moved his hands to the sides of her face, his fingers brushing back the soft, tawny tresses of her hair. Her arms slid down his chest and wrapped his torso. Their bodies moved together as the kiss deepened.
They mutually led eachother back into Lucrecia's quaint bedroom, the lavender sheets on the queen sized bed still ruffled from their last love session. She pulled off her blouse as he unzipped her skirt. She threw him down and straddled him on the bed, unclasping his belt before bending down to kiss him once more. Try as he might to avoid it, Vincent lost himself in the moment with her and he accepted it and accepted her. He was powerless to do otherwise. She had him snared in her web of manipulation and he was happy to be the fly to feed her hunger because she made him feel so alive and loved when they were together like this. A love worth dying for. What harm could there be in embracing pleasure?
He found the answer in the early hours of the morning like he always did. The harm in embracing her was that she wasn't his to embrace. She didn't want to be. Not permanently anyway. She wanted to be Hojo's, a testament only emphasized by the way she snuck off to meet the professor the moment her bodyguard drifted into a satisfied slumber. He awoke to an empty space next to him, and empty space that echoed within him. He told himself that he could face this pain a hundred times over to feel the pleasure of being in her presence again. His inner reassurance didn't make him feel any less hollow though.
