I've been stewing on this for a whole week, since the last ep. It's been a frustrating week of writing and re-writing, doubting and second-guessing. But as advised by Sydnew, here it is. I've let go, let the story take shape the way it has. And that's why it's titled as such.

As ever, I don't own Eureka, or any of its characters. It has just brought out the writer in me...and I will always be a fan.


LETTING GO

Jo was staring at the document package marked URGENT on her desk. It was already on her table when she arrived this morning and she had been staring at it for, Jo looked at her watch, close to an hour now.

She knew what it was. It came from Senator Wen's office. She just couldn't bring herself to open it yet. Or call in the person whose signature on it would make it final and official.

"If ever I stay in Eureka…"

Two weeks ago she and Zane had that talk outside Café Diem. That conversation has kept her awake most nights. The thought of Zane possibly leaving Eureka, leaving her

Stop! She forcibly swallowed that creeping feeling of panic and loss. He is not leaving me. It wasn't like we're together or anything. I've always made that clear to Zane.

This was her own doing anyway. It was her idea that a pardon would make it possible for Zane to join the Astraeus mission…officially and not as a stow-away or an asterisk. And she'd made a good enough argument that Senator Wen actually considered her "petition". Of course having Fargo and Holly support her recommendation put more weight on it, after threatening the former with physical pain and convincing the latter that having a handsome genius as the poster boy for Astraeus would do wonders for the space program in general.

She just didn't expect that his first inclination would be to leave…rather than stay for the mission…and her.

Stop! She physically swatted her arm this time. Stop putting yourself into the equation! She was berating herself. You purposely kept your distance, right? You purposely kept him at arms length, remember? Even with the current "friendship" they have, she kept her walls up.

Just so she could save herself from any pain like the one she was feeling now. And it was probably going to hurt even more when he finally leaves.

She closed her eyes and took a few more moments to compose herself. Then she slammed both hands on the table and sat upright in her chair.

Might as well get this over with.

She called Zane on her phone "Hey Zane. Can you come down to my office as soon as you get to GD? I have papers for you to sign."

Then she slumped down, leaned back and closed her eyes again.

The irony was, painful as it's now proving to be for her, she does not regret pushing for that pardon.