"Can't Have Everything"

A/N: Sometimes, how much we try, we just can't have everything we want...and nobody knows this as well as Idomu Yudaiji does. ^-^ Idomu POV, and slight hints on Suoh/Nokoru

Disclaimer: I do NOT own CLAMP!

Warning: Shounen-ai. If you don't like, don't read and don't kill me. That's all!

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Sometimes, we can't really have everything we like. Yes, I know it sounds strange, coming from me, Idomu Yudaiji...heir to the Yudaiji Zaibatsu, piano player and an all-around "perfect boy". I have some of the Detective's qualities. If Nokoru weren't here, I'd be president of the Student Council, but he won because he is most loved by all the women, and half the men in the school. People say I'm gentle and kind, but I think differently. Only Nokoru is kind...

...and cute. He is my childhood friend, and has a beautiful smile, just like my mother. I made his life miserable, but even then, he smiled and held my hand...sometimes, I think he was too sweet for his own good. Not that I mind that, not at all.

Eventually, I began to realize that I wanted him for myself...my heart ached out for him, and I couldn't sleep without seeing him in my dreams. But that's impossible, especially because he treats me as his dear friend, and that he recently told me that another accepted his heart.

Takamura. He of course, accepted. Who wouldn't accept Nokoru's love? If Nokoru had asked me if I loved him, I would have screamed 'yes' to the whole world and kissed him right then and there. I smiled and ruffled his hair affectionately--he likes it when I do that. I just told him that I hoped he and Takamura would be happy together.

I bit my lip hard when he left, so hard that I tasted blood. Then I hurried to my piano, and played a sad song...I usually play the piano when something affects my mood. It was a beautiful instrument. The ivory keys made beautiful sounds under my fingers...and soon I felt a bit better.

Even up to now, when I see them together...Nokoru and I are graduating together, but he still has to wait for Takamura. My heart threatens to break whenever I see them...walking together, holding hands...under the shade of a sakura tree, Nokoru lays his head on Takamura's shoulder, and he gazes at him so lovingly, it's almost a crime if they do it every single day...which they do.

And all I can do is look, smile and hope that they will always be together. A small hand slips into mine, and I look down, seeing Nagisa Azuya. "They look so sweet together, don't they?"

I nod slightly, and the little girl says, "I'm glad he decided to tell me he loved Kaichou. It hurts, but I feel better knowing that he's truly happy."

I nod again, and squeeze her hand, feeling her give comfort. "Sometimes, we just can't have everything we wish for."

She smiles and nods. "Can't have everything..."

I nod. Sometimes, you just can't have everything...Nokoru chastely pressed a soft kiss to Suoh's mouth...probably for letting him escape paperwork. As I think about how much happier Nokoru would be with him, I start to feel a bit better.

But that won't stop me from trying to get Nokoru.

That's the problem with me.

I know what I want, and even if I can't have it...

...I get it anyway. Eventually.

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Heya! I wrote this after I realized that we're all being mean to Idomu (or some of us) for pairing up Nokoru with Suoh! I just wanted to see if I could voice out what he's probably thinking. ^~ R&R minna! E-mail me! aishiterunokorusama@yahoo.com