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Indelible Sins

plot by MushuofPudding, characters borrowed from Bisco Hatori

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A/N: That's a working title. It was originally going to be "Erase", titled after the song that inspired it. It seems to be taking on a life of its own, so I decided a change of title was in order. Also, it may not seem rated-M atm, but I promise that there's a reason for it. If you notice any errors, please let me know bc I havent proofed it. I was just so excited to have written something new that I wanted to put it up right away.
All you really need to understand for the plot is that it takes place a little later than high-school age - so somewhere between 19 and 23-ish, I guess.


It was really late - or early, depending on how you wanted to look at it. Haruhi had probably been asleep for hours, so for her, it was probably early. Hikaru was awake and miserable in a wrecked hotel room, so for him it was late - but he decided to call anyway.

He waited patiently while it rang, his drunken mind spinning. Not knowing that Haruhi could not hear her phone, he assumed that she did not want to speak to him. A tear slid down his cheek when her voicemail picked up after the third ring.

"Haruhi, it's me. Look, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I just really need to hear your voice. I'm losing my mind here. What we did was so wrong. I haven't been able to think straight since then. I need you, Haruhi. Please don't ignore me forever. I think.. I think I'm in love with you. I can't get you out of my head. I keep imagining what we could have had together, that maybe we could have been happy, that it could have worked. I know you're going to tell me that we can't change the past, 'what's done is done,' I know. But we shouldn't just pretend like it didn't happen at all. I need to see you; we need to talk about this. Please, please, call me."

He stared at the cell phone in his hand. He gripped it tighter and tighter until his hand began to hurt. Then he threw it at the wall with all his strength. It clattered to the floor in at least four pieces.

"Shit!" Now she wouldn't be able to call him back- not that he actually thought she would.

He grabbed a half-full wine bottle from the floor and chugged it before passing out on the bed.

xxx

A cold chill ran down Haruhi's spine as she listened to Hikaru's message. She suddenly felt physically sick. She quickly erased his message, and continued getting ready to leave for work, but could not shake the feeling that the message had given her. It was a feeling of emptiness and mourning that emanated from deep within her soul. But she did not have time for that feeling right now. Right now, she had to go to work. She took a deep breath and buried the feelings, telling herself that she would revisit them later.

She took a step out of her apartment and nearly fell when she tripped over something big and relatively soft. Wondering what could have possibly been in front of her door, she turned, and the feeling that she had been trying so hard to suppress returned with a vengeance. Lying at Haruhi's feet, groaning from having been tripped on while sleeping, was Hikaru.

Haruhi's heart began to race as her fight-or-flight mechanism kicked in. Suddenly she had to decide whether to stay and talk to him and deal with these emotions or to leave for work before he finished waking up. With very little deliberation, she chose the latter. She quietly closed and locked her door and walked away quickly down the hallway.

Memories of the last time she saw him began to seep into her consciousness. Memories of feelings and visions and that horrible, horrible sound... Tears began to well in her eyes. She could hear Hikaru's voice in her head. She could feel his gentle touch. It made her want to peel off her skin and change her name. She broke into a run, subconsciously trying to run from those memories.

Hikaru groaned as he came around from being awakened so unceremoniously. He rubbed his ribs as he sat up. He heard the sound of women's shoes clicking on linoleum and looked to the source of the sound. The figure of a woman who could have been no other than Haruhi was retreating quickly down the corridor.

"Haruhi," he called out to her, but no response. "Haruhi, wait!" he called again. This time, the figure began to run. Hikaru scrambled to his feet and began to chase after her. "Haruhi!"

Haruhi realized that the voice was no longer in her head, and that Hikaru was now awake and pursuing her. She ducked into the stairwell and flew down the steps as fast as her heels would carry her. She was only down half the first flight when Hikaru burst through the door.

"Haruhi, wait, please!"

She paused. He sounded so desperate. He looked like he had not slept nor showered in days. His face was scruffy; his clothes were disheveled; and he had bags under his eyes. Her heart broke for him. But her mind did not have the energy to deal with him. She needed to go to work. She could not afford to take any more time off; it had all been used for that time...

"Hikaru, I have to go to work. I don't have time for this." She was determined to keep all those feelings down. If she didn't, she knew that she would fall apart on the spot. She started again down the stairs.

Hikaru followed suit, calling after her, on the verge of tears himself, "Haruhi, please. Don't walk away from me again!"

It was inevitable that Hikaru caught up to her; his legs were longer, and his shoes were flat. She had only had half a flight of stairs to the exit when he caught her by the arm. He pinned her to the wall by that arm. He was panting heavily, seeming far more exhausted than he should have.

"Hikaru! Let go of me!" she demanded, trying to yank her arm from his grasp.

"No..." he choked out meekly. He pulled her into an embrace, but slid slowly down her torso onto his knees. "If I let go of you, you'll leave me again," he said in a hoarse whisper. He began to sob. "I think it's haunting me. It's haunting me because it was my idea..."

Her chest tightened. She was about to break... She had to escape...

"Nothing's haunting you. Here," she handed him the key to her apartment. "Go back upstairs; we'll talk when I get back from work." She peeled him off of her and make her way shakily down the last few steps. Before she walked out the exit, she turned back. He was still crumpled in a heap where she had left him. "Go," she commanded. He looked at her, nodded, sniffled, and stood. "I'll see you later." And with that, she left for work.


A/N: Yes, I'm already working on the next chapter. No, what happened isn't supposed to be some big secret; I'm sure most of you have already figured it out. It's not my best work, but I've been having a dry spell, so I'm just happy the juices are flowing again. If you're glad too, then please let me know, reviews and feedback make me happy (constructive criticism is also welcomed). :)