This new series is a collection of conversations, mainly between Kurt and the Hudmel's, with special guest appearances from the two short, obnoxious Hobbits with the loud voices that we all know and love.

However, not all of the conversations have to revolve around the Hudmel's – although they will all centre around Kurt, and not all of them have to be Klaine, either, although that is preferred.

If you have any requests for topics and pairings for conversations Kurt will be involved in, let me know in a review. I won't ignore a request, unless it's doubled up or … any other reason I haven't thought of yet but I'm sure I'll come across.

The story IS rated M, due to the sexual nature and swearing involved in later conversations.

Chapter One: RACHEL!

"Finn, Rachel! Stop sucking face! We can't hear the television over the sound of Finn's creepy-ass grunting!"

"Kurt! That's disgusting!"

"Sorry, dad, but it's totally true. Blaine and I have some self-restraint, why can't those two? Back me up, Blaine!"

"Uh-"

"Mum! Tell Kurt to stop being mean to me and Rachel! We're not that bad."

"Guys..."

"Sorry, Finn, but I'm siding with Kurt and Burt on this one. Besides, what you were doing with Rachel is something no mother ever wants to see. No offence, Rachel.

"None taken, Carole!"

"Guys..."

"DAD! CAROLE! They're doing it again! If you don't get them to stop, Blaine and I are going to start making out in retaliation, and you'll have no one to blame but yourselves."

"Guys?"

"Please, no, Kurt, I don't wanna see that. Be kind to your father?"

"Guuuuys?"

"Kurt, as your best friend, and having two gay dads, I'd have absolutely no qualms about seeing you make out with Blaine."

"G-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-uyssssss..."

"You're such a hag, Rachel."

"Guys?"

"Kids, neither Carole nor I need to hear this."

"Guys."

"WHAT BLAINE?"

"Um... nothing. I've forgotten what I wanted to say..."

"Kurt, I'm worried about the intelligence of the people you're attracted to. First Finn, now this kid?"

"Hey!"

"Hey!"

"No offense, Blaine."

"Offense taken."

"Daaaaaad. What did I say about bringing up my crush on Finn in front of Blaine? What did I say about bringing up my crush on Finn in front of him, and his mother, and his girlfriend. What did I say about bringing it up at all?"

"Sorry, kid, it was too good an opportunity to pass up."

"I wouldn't mind seeing Finn and Kurt making out either."

"RACHEL!"