This all started back when I was bb Justain. I met Brian "Mad-Dog" Kinney, who I instantly knew was the love of my life, mainly because he was just old and rich. But also DAMNNNNNN SEXAYYYY.
But things took a turn for the worst when I met Ethan GOLD.
Let me describe Ethan Gold. His breath smells like FISH, probably spending too much time with LINDS AND MEL. His damn old tramp-stamp that he calls facial hair that he's had since he came out of the womb that smells like fucking ass and KOSHER FOOD. He's a midget. And he always denied that he was half-hobbit, even though he resembled Bilbo Baggins of the fucking Shire. He always had the tendancy to pull things out of his asshole, like violins, flowers, chocolate (FOR BREAKFAST, THA FUCK?) And dodgey-ass rings from Crazy Clarks.
This is not the first time in our relationship that he has tried to keep me captive. One time, when we were dating...
After one of his concerts, Bilbo... I MEAN ETHAN... accused me of mis-behaving and having eye-sex with the 500 year old conductor. Which is absurd, because I have access to 500 year old Brian Kinney. Even when we were together, I always knew he was planning something behind my back, which leads to why I'm in a creaky ass dungeon.
I woke up and observed my surroundings. I tried to move my arms but they were chained by pubic hair I recognised as Daphne's to the wall. She's always used super strengthening hair gel and it came in handy now.
The room was dimly lit, and I could see six giant rubber fists lining the walls. There were posters of me naked covering the room. Then the door slowly opened revealing a hobbit-sized man. ETHAN GOLD, DRESSED IN SALVATION ARMY SHIT. THAT BASTARD. MY ARCH ENEMY.
"What up, homeboy." He snarled. His tramp stamp glistened with golden semen, obviously Micky's AKA ZEPHYR.
The gang appeared behind Ethan, all wearing nothing but leather g-strings with diamond studded dildos sticking out of the front. They all surrounded me, beating me with their g olden dildos. As I tried to yell out, a woman with a penis-shaped nose shoved her diamond-studded-dildo weapon down my throat. "LINDSAY? WHAT THE FUCK!" I mumbled through the silicon. She seemed to be getting much pleasure out of this as she quickly reached climax. All this shit came out of her nose and glued my eyes shut. Shit. I should've known Ethan would inject everyone with super-glue semen. Where was Brian? Surely he wasn't in on this.
"What do you want from me?" I yelled out, doing my best Adam Lambert impersonation. Because, after all, Adam Lambert is the most intimidating man on earth. Ethan just smirked as he reached around, pulling a violin out of his ass. He often pulled shit like this out of his flabby old asshole. Like that bouquet of roses. No wonder they smelt like shit.
I could hear the sounds of Ted fluttering his lips against Emmett's butthole as he was sucking up yet again for overdosing on meth.
I blinked through the disgusting semen-like snot that graced my beautifully blonde eyelashes, and my eyes burst open when I came face-to-face with the disgustingly Jewish, poor, faggoty Ethan Gold.
"JUSTAIN!11! UR MA MUSE BB. WHY U LEAVE ME BB? BWIAN NEVER TREAT YOU AS GOOD AS I DO."
I then projectile vomited all over him, the thought of his wrinkly old crippled penis bobbling around in his DTs making bile bubble up over my succulent lips. I was fucking beautiful, anyway, right guys?
Ben Bruckner strolled in with a video camera in his hand. Ethan barked orders at him to hang the video camera up on a giant dildo, and ordered him to press record. Mickey started to speak;
"BRIAN. WE HAVE YOUR PRECIOUS BUBBLEBUTT-BOY. IF YOU EVER WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH THIS FINE LITTLE JAILBAIT AGAIN..."
Suddenly Michael was thrown out of the way, and Ethan took up the camera with his pimply, nasty-ass damn tramp-stamped face and bushy caterpillar eyebrows that looked like Mel's hairy fucking dick.
"HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY MUSE, BRIAN FUCKING OLD-MAN KINNEY. MY JEW-GRANDPA IS DED SO NOW I OINLY HAVE ONE MUSE LEFT. THAT'S JUSTAIN, BITCH. IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE HIM ALIVE, YOU'LL HAVE TO SURRENDER YOUR SEXY SELF OVER, AND GIVE US ALL YOUR MONEY. THERE'S NOTHING NOBLE ABOUT BEING POOR BITCH."
As I started to scream out, I was gagged by a fucking nature-strip melanie, her pubes sprouting out of her DTs.
Suddenly, deafening music screeched out, and I found myself getting sleepy.
-FADE TO BLACK-
TO BE CONTINUED.
