The Tale of Mary-Sue
By Crucio
You have all heard of her. And have despised the very essence of her
being. But you have failed to ask, how did such a monster come into the
world? This is the tale of the first Mary-Sue, the one who started it all,
the one who released this plague upon us all.
*~*~*~*
Lisa Turpin snuck quietly into the Potions classroom. She was tired of
being the nameless person in the halls, never mentioned or looked at twice.
But if her plan worked, all that would change. For tonight, Lisa Turpin
would die. A new, perfect being would be born.
"Let's see.." She muttered. "Unicorn blood for purity, veela skin for
beauty, and phoenix feathers for power." Lisa added these last ingredients
to the cauldron, then watched the results. The concoction swirled and
seethed, turning from green to blue to yellow to red faster than the eye
could see. Eventually, it settled into a glowing magenta, and was still.
Then, with shaking hands, poured some into a glass. Without leaving time
for indecision, she gulped it down. It tasted sickeningly sweet, like a
mouthful of artificial sweetener. Then the world seemed to spin on its
axis, and everything went dark.
*~*~*~*
The next day, Harry and Ron came down to the Great Hall to find
everyone whispering and pointing at the teachers table. "What's all this
about?" Harry asked Hermione as they sat down. She answered, "There's a
rumor going around that there's a new student from America. And that she's
your sister." Harry stared at her, then laughed. "That's stupid. I mean,
I'd know if I had a sister, wouldn't I?" "She's supposed to have been in
hiding from You-Know-Who's supporters for all these years, but came back to
help fight him now that he's back." Came the reply.
Suddenly, the Hall went quiet. Professor Dumbledore stood up and
announced, "As I am sure you all know by now, we have been fortunate enough
to receive a transfer student from America. May I introduce Miss Marianna
Alyssa Samantha Crystal Liana Suzanne Potter-Malfoy!" Heads turned to both
Malfoy and Harry, then to the doors leading to the Great Hall. They swung
open slowly, revealing the most beautiful girl Harry-or the rest of the
school-had ever seen.
Long, golden hair fell like a waterfall to her narrow waist. Her eyes
shone with an emerald fire above her perfect nose and kind, pink-colored
mouth. And right where Harry had his, there was a vivid pink lightning
scar. She gracefully sauntered up to where Dumbledore held the Sorting Hat,
and delicately placed it upon her shining head. "Hmmm." The Hat mused
aloud. "You're clever enough for Ravenclaw, and more loyal than Helga
herself, but it's your outstanding courage and selflessness that proclaims
you a GRYFFINDOR!
The Gyffindor table went absolutely wild applauding for the new girl. She sat down next to Harry and said in an amazingly sweet voice, "Hello, Harry. I've heard so much about you, it's wonderful to meet you at last." Harry answered, "It's wonderful to meet you, too Mari-" "Oh! Call me Mary- Sue. Everyone does" She interrupted. Harry smiled. "It's wonderful to meet you too, Mary-Sue. But tell me, why is your last name Potter-Malfoy?" Mary- Sue blushed. "I'm very sorry to tell you, Harry, but your mother had a secret affair with Lucius Malfoy." Oddly enough, Harry felt quite all right with this knowledge. After all, anything that resulted in the birth of Mary- Sue had to be a good thing. *~*~*~* Harry noticed, after a few weeks, that Malfoy, and indeed, the whole Slytherin house seemed to be trying to get him alone, or at least without Mary-Sue around. But this was harder than it seemed, as Harry and Mary-Sue were inseparable, and Mary-Sue never seemed to have to go to the bathroom. One day, though, it happened that both Harry and Malfoy got detention in Potions, for flinging worm intestines at each other. "This is your fault." Harry hissed at Malfoy as they scrubbed out cauldrons. Malfoy threw down his sponge and snarled, "This isn't about worms, Potter. This is about something much, much worse." Harry growled, "What are you talking about, Malfoy?" Malfoy said, "Listen, Potter. I hate you-" "Well, that's obvious." Harry broke in. Malfoy continued as he hadn't been interrupted. "And I would never help you unless it was absolutely necessary. And it's absolutely necessary that I warn you about that-that thing that calls itself Mary-Sue." Harry gaped, the lunged at Malfoy saying, "Don't you dare insult my sister!" Malfoy leapt aside, calling "She's not your sister! She's not even human!"
The Gyffindor table went absolutely wild applauding for the new girl. She sat down next to Harry and said in an amazingly sweet voice, "Hello, Harry. I've heard so much about you, it's wonderful to meet you at last." Harry answered, "It's wonderful to meet you, too Mari-" "Oh! Call me Mary- Sue. Everyone does" She interrupted. Harry smiled. "It's wonderful to meet you too, Mary-Sue. But tell me, why is your last name Potter-Malfoy?" Mary- Sue blushed. "I'm very sorry to tell you, Harry, but your mother had a secret affair with Lucius Malfoy." Oddly enough, Harry felt quite all right with this knowledge. After all, anything that resulted in the birth of Mary- Sue had to be a good thing. *~*~*~* Harry noticed, after a few weeks, that Malfoy, and indeed, the whole Slytherin house seemed to be trying to get him alone, or at least without Mary-Sue around. But this was harder than it seemed, as Harry and Mary-Sue were inseparable, and Mary-Sue never seemed to have to go to the bathroom. One day, though, it happened that both Harry and Malfoy got detention in Potions, for flinging worm intestines at each other. "This is your fault." Harry hissed at Malfoy as they scrubbed out cauldrons. Malfoy threw down his sponge and snarled, "This isn't about worms, Potter. This is about something much, much worse." Harry growled, "What are you talking about, Malfoy?" Malfoy said, "Listen, Potter. I hate you-" "Well, that's obvious." Harry broke in. Malfoy continued as he hadn't been interrupted. "And I would never help you unless it was absolutely necessary. And it's absolutely necessary that I warn you about that-that thing that calls itself Mary-Sue." Harry gaped, the lunged at Malfoy saying, "Don't you dare insult my sister!" Malfoy leapt aside, calling "She's not your sister! She's not even human!"
