Being Left Behind
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I love Albus Dumbledore with every fiber of my being so when he is happy, I am thrilled and when he is sad, I am almost at the depths of despair. It's always been that way between us and I do believe that the feeling is mutual. We've shared so many wonderful years together and grown closer through each and every one of them. But I know we grew the most during the dark years of Voldemort's reign of terror and the sudden losses of so many of our friends.
We've loved each other for so many years, words just aren't necessary anymore and we can read the other's thoughts and emotions with one simple look or touch. I have never been so completely connected to anyone in my life and yet I wouldn't have it any other way. But sometimes, my dear Albus takes things too seriously and that's when I have to remind him that he's only human and that things will inevitably change.
We were sitting at our desks in our private sitting room when the morning post arrived. It was not unusual for Albus to receive the lion's share of mail, especially since that brainless twit of a Minister took over. Honestly, every time he sneezes he owls Albus to ask what should be done! But that is a tale for another time and place.
This particular morning, Albus received the usual letters asking for advice or alerting him to new developments in tracking potential rogue death eaters and such but there was one owl in particular that seemed to distress him. And yet he bore a broad smile that was placed there for my benefit alone. I could tell by the look on his face when he read the owl that he was happy but there was something not quite right.
It seems that Albus' oldest and dearest friends, Nicholas Flamel and his wife Pernelle were to be blessed with an addition to their family. Oh, please don't misunderstand me! They were not expecting a baby of their very own but rather one of their many great, great, great…well you get the general idea….grandchildren had just informed them that they were to have another addition to the family tree. It was a joyous time for the entire Flamel family and they wanted to share the news with us, as they have so often done in the past.
On behalf of Albus and myself, I owled them with our congratulations but Albus didn't seem as enthusiastic as I would've thought he might be. He always loved children and while we had none of our very own, he seemed to take delight in the company of the many students that lived within these hallowed halls so many months out of the year. The thought never occurred to me that something was wrong until much later in the day.
I watched him with concern for most of the morning. He seemed uncharacteristically quiet and when I asked him a question, he gave me polite responses but nothing more. At first I feared that I had done something to upset him but as I observed him more closely, I realized that something was troubling him and clouding those blue eyes I loved so much. Although I had no idea what it might be, I knew that his mood had changed soon after the morning post so all of my answers lay on his desk among the letters and cards still scattered from his morning examination of them.
Normally, I do not plunder through his private correspondence for I feel that is an invasion of his privacy. And it's not like we keep secrets from each other but I have never gone through his personal papers. But drastic times call for drastic measures. And seeing Albus visibly unsettled was dire enough for me to take matters into my own hands. After sending him down to the kitchen for some cocoa and tea, I quickly looked through the various messages he had received but nothing caught my immediate attention. Deciding that perhaps he might just need a break from his official duties, I flooed Aberforth and arranged for him to pop over unannounced and take Albus on some sort of outing for part of the day.
When Aberforth arrived, Albus seemed to cheer up slightly especially when his brother asked him to accompany him to a remote village near Glasgow to purchase some new breed of baby goats. Albus showed a little enthusiasm, but not much compared to his normal display for such childish adventures. Despite his age, Albus always appears much younger in both his demeanor and his approach to life. That is one of the reasons I fell so deeply in love with him. He reminds me how to be young again and how to enjoy every second of my life, especially our moments together.
With Albus gone, I pushed aside my work and tried to focus on the morning's events. I ran through every single word that was said between us, every touch, each kiss, even the moments we were silent. Nothing of consequence jumped out at me and I was left slightly baffled. By this time, I was troubled that my husband was hurting and yet I had no clue as to why or even how to repair his feelings. Hoping that Aberforth might be able to cheer him up, I pushed my concerns to a corner of my mind, but they were never really far from the surface.
When the two men arrived back in our rooms, I was disheartened to see the twinkle was not back in my lover's eyes. They told me quite the tale of their trip to the small village and how Abeforth had fallen in love with the woman who owned the farm. Of course, Aberforth was quick to admit that he was more in love with her breed of goats than the woman, for he felt that while a woman was a thing of beauty and should be treasured, a goat was much less stressful and didn't require the wining and dining.
We spent an enjoyable afternoon together and while Albus popped into the bathroom for a quick shower, I immediately set out to grill Aberforth on the real reason for the trip, Albus' mood. He told me that Albus had not confided in him but he mentioned more than once about the Flamel's news of an impending birth in their family.
Suddenly, the pieces began to fit and yet I wasn't entirely sure why that news would have such a profound effect on Albus. Deciding to broach the subject with him once Aberforth had left, I slipped into my own musings as the brothers played a game of Exploding Snap, during which Albus chuckled for the first time in many hours that day. Realizing the lateness of the afternoon though, Aberforth made his excuses and went home to check on his goats.
As soon as he was gone, I could sense that Albus' mood had changed again and I was determined not to let the sun go down on him in this state of mind.
"Albus, sweetheart, please tell me what's bothering you. I've noticed you haven't been yourself today and I want to help if I can." I pulled him down onto the couch with me and blocked the floo network and shut all of the windows so that we would not be disturbed.
"It's nothing, really, my dear. Just an old man and his musings," Albus told me sadly. He laced his fingers with mine and brought my hand up to his soft lips for a gentle kiss that sent tingles through my body. I always feel a rush of excitement and energy from his touch. Even the simplest of actions makes me fall in love with him all over again.
"We've been together for too long for you to play this little game with me, now out with it," I tried to say sternly. He attempted to downplay his emotions but having known this man intimately for so many years, I was not easily fooled.
"Have I done something to upset you? If so, then please tell me what it was so I can make amends. I hate seeing you like this and I've missed my carefree and fun loving husband today." I would be hard pressed to admit it, but the fact that he is so childish and playful makes me so proud and even envious at times that he is able to push his cares and concerns aside for brief periods of time to truly enjoy life. And to be included in his mischief and revelry makes it even better.
He pulled me into his arms and hugged me tightly. While that was not an unpleasant or unwelcomed embrace, there was something odd about it. I could actually feel the sadness radiating from his body and into mine as I returned his hug.
"Albus, please…what's wrong, Love?" I begged.
"Minerva, have you ever felt like the best years were behind you and that you had missed something so incredibly important and yet so simple it could have easily been ignored?"
"I used to feel that way but that was before we fell in love. I thought that love was only for the beautiful people or the more outgoing ones but never for me, the type of woman a man wanted for a friend but nothing more." I snuggled deeper into his arms and ran my hand across his chest soothingly. "But as I said, that was all before I met you. You made me see that the best moments of my life were ahead of me…and still are, dear."
He returned my hug and kissed the top of my head, something he does when he is truly worried or apologetic about something important yet out of his control. I was about to say more to him but he interrupted my thoughts. "That letter from Nicholas today, that's what's been on my mind, my dear."
"And what about that letter bothers you? They're adding another branch to their family tree and that's a tiny miracle in the dark times we have been facing recently."
"Ah, but that's just it, Minerva. People my age should be playing with grandchildren on their living room floors and showing off photos of the newest additions." He sighed heavily and when I pulled back from his arms, I could see the distress in his eyes and even in the lines of his handsome face.
"So, you're upset that we have no children or grandchildren? Or is it the fact that Nicholas has so many?" I waited patiently for him to answer for I could see him formulating his answer and trying to rationalize his feelings internally.
"I suppose what bothers me most is that I'm getting older and time seems to be marching by me, leaving me behind in so many things. I would love to see you pregnant with our child but let's face it, we're not as young as we used to be." I shot him a warning glare at that last sentence. While I am no spring chicken, I am not an old woman either and deep down he knows that.
"Oh sweetheart, is that what all this is about? The fact that we don't have children now doesn't mean that we can't have them if we still want them! I'm sure with a little effort and diligent practice, we can make you a Papa and eventually a grandfather, just like Nicholas." I slid from my seat beside him and into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and lacing my fingers through his silky textured hair.
"I don't have any right to ask you to bear me a child. I can't promise that I can keep either of you safe and have you thought about the ramifications of…" I didn't let him finish his sentence for I knew that he was merely making excuses to explain away his feelings. Instead I covered his mouth with my own in a heated kiss, one that spoke of my undying love and passion for him.
Lazily, I traced the outline of his lips, which always taste of a mixture of lemon drops and chocolate, then with practiced ease, I used my tongue to insist he open his mouth to my explorations. I could feel his hands sliding from around my waist, up my back and pressing me closer to him. Already my body was responding to his touch and as he fully engaged in the kiss, I could hear myself moan into his mouth as I shifted to gain a better connection to this adoring man.
Much too soon, I needed to breathe so I pulled back from him and rested my forehead against his, but not before planting feather light kisses all along his face. "I love you, Albus," I whispered, "and I don't think you're old at all. And I think we still have plenty of time to have a baby of our own."
"But…" he started to say.
"No buts about it," I interjected quickly. "Your mother and mine were much older than me when we were born so I see no reason why we shouldn't be able to conceive. And if you're worrying about all those other things such as the threat of dark wizards or our abilities to adequately raise a child, all I can say to you is that we can do anything together. I truly believe that with all my heart."
"And what happens years from now when I'm so much older and our child is still young? Have you thought of that my dear?" As I said before, I love this man with all my being but sometimes he overlooks the obvious.
"Albus, my love," I said cupping his face in my hands, "have you forgotten that each day you get older is another day I get older as well, not to mention any offspring we may have? Why don't we just throw caution to the wind and do something for ourselves for a change? Let's live our lives and not worry about ten or twenty years down the road." At this point, I was smiling so sweetly at him because I knew that I had made some impact with my words. I could see the twinkle back in his eyes and if I strained hard enough, I am sure I would've heard the wheels in that magnificent mind turning over all that I had said.
"And how long do you think we'll have to try before we are blessed with one of our own?" he asked me with that seductive smile that always turns me into putty in his very skilled hands. He had already started to move his hands up and down my back, dipping lower and lower each time until they finally settled on my bum, giving it a firm squeeze.
"Hmm, if I'm lucky, it'll take lots and lots of practice but we'll never know until we try. Just think of all those long nights this summer when we're all alone here in the castle. I'm sure there will be plenty of time to blend romance with the delicate task of making a baby together." I pressed my body snugly against his and wiggled slightly in his lap, noting how deeply I had affected him already. "Just think, Albus, what better way to keep us young and energetic than chasing after our very own baby in Gambol and Japes or even worse, Honeydukes!"
"Mmm, my dear you do know the way to my heart!" Of course to anyone else listening, they might've assumed he was referring to the prospect of visiting Honeydukes but that was quite the contrary. I had taken the opportunity to nibble on his earlobe and the sensitive skin beneath, as my hands worked quickly to unfasten the numerous buttons keeping his smooth skin from my fingertips. I do know how to work my own brand of magic to get exactly what I want or what I think is best for the man of my dreams.
I love this man for so many reasons. He still ignites my passions and I can honestly say that I do the same for him. Maybe that was why he chose to use wandless magic to take away the remaining barriers separating our bodies. The feel of his warm breath on my skin always makes the fires within me blaze into a raging inferno of desire and need. As he kissed, nibbled and adored every inch of me, I could see the young man I fell in love with so many decades ago resurfacing once more. By the end of the night, he had emerged fully and was once again thriving as we made love in more than one room of our chambers and with tremendous satisfaction each time. It had been quite some time since I woke up sore from lovemaking but you will not here me complaining then or even now.
But that is all beside the point. The main issues were Albus feeling old and that life had somehow passed him by. I can truthfully say that after I was finished with him, he was convinced that he was in no way old or out of step with life. I'd like to think that I had a healing touch or that my kisses reminded him of our younger days, but I think it was our love for each other that was at work and merely using my body as a way of communicating what our hearts were feeling. Either way, by the end of the night, he no longer doubted his abilities in or out of the bedroom, not that he had any reason to worry on my account. He's always been fully capable of satisfying my each and every need.
Today has to be one of the happiest in my life for I have just left Poppy's office and I'm on my way to the chambers I share with the most adoring man on the planet. After months and months of playing and practicing, I am finally going to tell the man I adore and the oldest child I know that he is going to be a Papa in a few months time.
I know things won't be easy for us and that we will worry about the dangers associated with raising a family in these uncertain times. However, I don't think either of us will regret this decision and years from now, when we're older and grayer, we can sit back and watch our grandchildren playing on the rug in front of our hearth. Then I can remind Albus of just how old we really are when our grandchildren bring their children to visit us. By then, I'm sure my Albus will be slightly older in spirit but with any luck, the child within him will still be thriving and bringing out the young girl hidden within me.
The End.
A/N: While we realize that between the end of the first war with Voldemort and the arrival of Harry Potter and company at Hogwarts, Minerva might not have had a child, but it doesn't mean they didn't try for one. Also, this was written in response to a challenge on the AD/MM board. Albus was supposed to be feeling old and the trick was that the story had to be from Minerva's point of view, though not necessarily written in the first person.
