PTSD
Summary: Why everyone around Gokudera gets hungry when he gets pissed. Or, how Lambo learned of giglets, pignuts, and bugbears.
Disclaimer: KHR is not mine nor will it ever be.
"What the *Funions* is this piece of *Shark fin soup*?"
"It's, um, a Profanity Triggered Substitution Device."
"A what now?"
"A Profanity Triggered Substitution Device…"
"I know what you just said, but why is it attached to me?"
"Um, does it work?"
"Of course the *Danish* thing works—stop laughing! I *Frankfurter* woke up this morning and went to make some *Daikon* coffee—what the *French dip* is a daikon anyway?—then Uri went and spilled boiling water all over my pants and naturally my first reaction was *Sherbet*!—not sherbet but you know what I mean. Then all of a *Flaxseed oil* sudden, I hear Aneki's voice saying 'shallots' out of nowhere and nearly spilled the rest of the pot on myself! And stop laughing, Shoichi!"
"I'm…(cough) not laughing. (cough) I'm sorry."
"Tch. Now explain."
"Sorry Gokudera-kun, but Tsuna was worrying the other day about the kids throwing f-bombs along with grenades and other explosives out there, so you know…"
"No, I don't *Feta cheese* know."
"And, um, I guess I was kinda working on something similar beforehand—to prevent the information leaks from our spies and such—so I told Tsuna I could do something about it."
"So Jyuudaime requested this?"
"Um, sort of?"
"Waah, Jyuudaime must have such concern for me that he is trying to wean me off my bad habits! Jyuudaime is the best!"
"...sure."
"..."
"..."
"Hey Shoichi."
"Hm?"
"You still haven't explained why this thing has Aneki's voice."
"What about me now?"
"Ah *Soybean paste*! Where the *Hot dog* did you come from?"
"Pizza delivery. Nice vocabulary you've got there."
"Go to *H-U-M-M-U-S*. *Dill pickles*!"
"Why thank you Hayato, I think I will."
"*Bok Choy*"
"Excuse me?"
"Nothing, my dear Aneki. Go on, deliver your pizza and get the *Hotpockets* out of here."
"Ooh, scary. But I don't have any hotpockets. So here's your pizza, Irie-kun. Enjoy! Toodles!"
"..."
"..."
"Hey, Shoichi."
"Hm?"
"Are you really gonna eat that?"
"Yeah, I had one the other day and it was pretty good. It's how Bianchi-san found out about the project and then insisted on helping."
"Shoichi."
"Hm?"
"How could you *Fish sauce* forget my sister's *Fettuccine* epithet, the Poison *Fried fish* Scorpion?"
"... I think I have a stomach ache."
-Epilogue-
"Jyuudaime! After these three intensive weeks, Shoichi finally decided I was cured of my swearing!"
"Oh? Good for you, Gokudera-kun! That's great!"
"Yes, it was all thanks to you, Jyuudaime!"
CRASH
"What was that?"
"Let me check, Jyuudaime. Stay here, it might be dangerous."
"..."
"Lambo, what the frappuccino are you doing? Get off the diet pepsi table and clean that dr. pepper mess this instant! What—no—stop laughing you stupid cow! Jyuudaime! Are you laughing too? Argh! I give!"
"..."
"Shrimp, spaghetti, and strawberry ice cream. Shoichi, I will curse you to the grave, you churlish, fool-born lout."
A/N: And that is how Lambo knows his Shakespearean insults and managed not to flunk out of high school English.
God bless,
TreeCat
7/27/2016
[Edited and cut out ~50 words an hour after initial posting :P]
