"You're so cold…"
"It will not be long before we both get heated."
"I don't know if I'm ready…"
"Even so, you will know eventually."
"When? And how?"
"You will just know. Give it time."
A crisp breeze wraps around my neck, pulling me away.
"No! Wait! I—"
3:48am.
I sigh, turning away from my clock. A sheen of cold sweat is apparent on the back of my neck, making me feel sticky and in desperate need of a shower. I think about drifting back into sleep, but I know it's useless. I shuffle to the bathroom, flipping on the lights as I go. My breath is caught in my throat as I read what's written on the mirror in permanent marker...
*Go to hell, FAGGOT!*
I look away, fighting back tears. I hear my roommate laughing his ass off from across the room, as we both keep our dorm bedrooms open at night. I close my bedroom and bathroom doors quietly, grabbing a bottle of cleaning solution from below the sink. I spray it onto the mirror, rubbing the words away with a towel. Thankfully, they wipe away easily.
'Thank god permanent isn't always permanent...'
I shrug out of my pajama pants and boxers, running the water for my shower. I look in the mirror at my naked body.
'There's nothing wrong with being different, Adam.' I tell myself. 'You're just like anyone else; your preferences are just different...' I take a deep breath, stepping into the hot shower. As the water runs along my face, arms, and shoulders, I begin humming nonchalantly the tune of a song I wrote. The humming soon becomes quiet singing, and then I get really into the song, singing louder.
'Red river of screams, underneath! Tears in my eyes, underneath! Stars in my black and blue skies! And underneath, under my skin, underneath, the depths of my skin! Look at me, now do you see?'
Ryan rips the shower curtain from the rings, exposing my nude self in the shower.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, GLAMBERT! NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR GAY SHIT!" my roommate exclaims, startling me. He scowls, storming out of the bathroom and slamming the door. I slide along the wall of the shower, sitting with my arms around my knees in front of me. I put my head between my knees, finally breaking down and crying. I sit, crying, for a good twenty minutes, letting the water fade from scalding to ice cold. I eventually get up, turning the faucets off and grabbing a towel from the cabinet. I grab my cell, texting the only person I knew could lift my spirits immediately. A reply came not even a minute later, making me smile slightly. I lay on top of my bed, my jet black hair soaking the covers and a thin towel loosely clinging to my hips. Three quick raps on the front door of our dorm room cause me to panic quietly, afraid of what Ryan will say. I hear Ryan grabbing his keys, slamming the door behind himself. I hear two light clicks as my bedroom door opens and closes.
"I'm so sorry, Adam..." I sit up, a huge smile spreading across my face. I stand up, striding across my bedroom to pull the beautiful boy in front of me into a warm embrace.
"Sauli..." I whisper. He squeezes me slightly in understanding. I lean away from the hug, taking his face in my hands and kissing him with all of my heart.
"I love you," he says, laying his head on my chest. I gently run my fingers through his white-blonde hair.
"I love you, too. Thank you for coming."
"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't come to your rescue when some douche picks on you?" he says, smiling. I smile back, lovingly, shaking my head. I kiss his forehead and take his hand, pulling him to my bed.
"Hold on, I need pants," I say, laughing. Sauli shakes his head lightly.
"Pants are for straight guys," he says, examining his perfectly manicured nails-the pure black polish with its glossy finish. I roll my eyes and unwrap my towel from my waist, tossing it on the floor. I look at Sauli, who is marveling at me. I look down at my drawer of underwear, smiling slightly. I look back and Sauli and wink, walking away from the drawer and climbing into bed. Sauli smiles and blushes, shrugging out of his silver jacket and Gaga t-shirt. He kicks off his boots, hastily unbuttoning his pants and shoving them off of his hips, as well as his underwear. He slides into bed beside me, rubbing his member against mine. I close my eyes, smiling at the feelings he's giving me. He puts a finger under my chin, pulling me to him. He kisses me lightly before pulling away but still holds my chin. He smiles, pulling me to him again, kissing me a bit harder. His tongue slips through my teeth, making my heart skip a beat.
"Why are you so cold?"
"Do not worry about it…"
"I cannot help but wonder…"
"I know, and you will know soon."
"Like how you said I'll know when I'm ready?"
"Ha-ha, yes, my love."
I snuggle closer, taking in the beautiful scent.
"May I tell you something?"
"Of course, baby."
"I think… I—"
The crisp breeze sweeps me away again…
I sit up violently, waking in another cold sweat. I look to my clock again.
8:23am.
"Holy shit! I'm late for class!" I exclaim aloud. I jump out of bed and go to my closet, grabbing a random tee and leather pants. As I pull on my boots, I notice a blue piece of paper taped to my door.
*Dear Adam,
Left around 8:15, gone to get coffee. Decided to let you sleep in. Don't worry about your classes. I have someone taking notes for you in all of them. Today is all for US. I love you!
With all my heart, Sauli(:*
I smile, shuffling to the bathroom to freshen up.
"Perfect, just the way I like it!" I say, gingerly sipping my coffee. I take hold of Sauli's hand, swinging our arms ever so slightly between us.
"You seem to be in a good mood this morning," Sauli says, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek.
"Well, it wasn't the most fantastic of mornings, but you saved the day." I smile, giving Sauli's hand a squeeze. He laughs while sipping his coffee. We walk around campus, eventually stopping to rest on a bench.
"Where are we?" Sauli asks. I look around.
"Looks unfamiliar… We must have gone too far around. I've never noticed this wing before…" I reply. We walk up to a door on the front of the building. A battered sheet of paper is taped on it.
*WING CLOSED. RECONSTRUCTION TO START JUNE 7, 2007.*
"Wing closed? Reconstruction was scheduled five years ago!" Sauli says questionably.
"It doesn't look much reconstructed to me," I say. "Who cares? We should head back anyway and get something to eat. I'm starved!"
"Me too," Sauli adds. I face him, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him closer as he throws his arms around my neck. I lean down and kiss him. My tongue wrestles with his for more attention, and I win, smiling into the kiss. Sauli grabs a fistful of my dark hair, pulling me closer, still.
Our tongues fight again, but this time I let Sauli win. We stand there for a while, kissing seemingly endlessly. I grab Sauli's ass for a fraction of a second, making him jump slightly. I laugh, kissing him again and again and again…
