Journal Entry # 1 ~ Natalya Arlovskaya

My dear big brother has delighted me with some wonderful news. After months of waiting he and the rest (I do not know who they are yet) have agreed to let me join his section. It's just wonderful. I am so happy.

Work begins with my initiation tomorrow. I must miss school, and Katyusha…Katyusha doesn't understand. She can't understand why I'd join Brother.

I don't understand her. Why can't she agree with me? I bet if she had this opportunity, she'd be as happy as me.

I don't get why she's such a crybaby. She was crying when she found out about my choice.

She's so strange.

I must rest, because I must be up early tomorrow.

Goodnight, journal.

As she curled up into her blankets for the night, her thin walls exposed her sisters fears to her.

She could hear the tears pitter-patter against the floor.

It distracted her too much. So much so that she could not sleep. She slipped into her slippers, scuffling across the rough wood floors.

She knocked on the door, and the sobs ceased. The door opened a crack, eyes distant.

"Why are you crying?" Her tone of voice and expression was that of a very confused girl.

Katyusha sivered, resting her head on the doorframe, tears flowing again.

"It's bad enough Ivan got into such a business…but you…you're too young. Please, I beg you, Nat. Do not go tomorrow."

Natalya rolled her eyes. "You're silly. There is nothing wrong. I am with brother. I work for brother."

"Nat, I don't think you understand…what he really does."

"I understand just find. I know of everything he does. I am fine."

Natalya turned back around, not seeing her sister slump to the floor in tears.

Journal Entry # 2 ~ Natalya Arlovskaya

I am getting ready for the initiation.

I cannot stop squirming around my room with a happy smile.

I have dressed in the prettiest dress I own. I have made sure that my shoes are perfect. I have made sure not a hair on my head will stand. A bow in my hair, my nails perfect.

I look like a doll. Katyusha told me this, tears in her eyes.

I laughed.

She looked horrified. I never laugh. But I asked her why she looked so shocked. She said it was because I was happy to go to such a horrible thing as the initiation.

Horrible? How could it be horrible if brother is involved?

Katyusha asked once again. "How could you be so happy as to go to this? How?"

Her smile faded from her lips. "Why am I happy? I am happy because I am with big brother now. Big brother is who I want to follow. It is all I need."

"…You're following blindly. Even he knows that." She sighed, straightening Natalya's dress.

She turned on her heal, walking down the stairs.

"I know exactly what I'm doing."

She stormed out of the house, grabbing her coat.

"No you don't, Nat. You'll realize that one day."

The car ride was silent. Ivan was nervous for his little sister- a first for him. Even she, who seemed unbreakable, could break today. He broke. Everyone broke. But unlike so many, she was odd. He'd never met anyone willing to join-everyone was forced, even him. She was like some lost puppy, looking for someone to belong to. And that 'someone' has always been him, for some reason. He didn't understand the way her mind worked. Who could?

"You don't have to go through with this." Ivan said, eyes focused on the road.

"Why would I not want to?"

He shut his eyes. "You're not going to like it."

"I don't believe you."

"Well start."

The building was crowded. Everyone must come to the initiation. Everyone. This was the rule. Get a good look at the fresh meat. You want the new ones before anyone else can. But Natalya seemed to be untouchable. Nobody wanted to steal her over to their unit. This pleased her.

Natalya's eyes scanned the crowd for faces. She pointed out a few, but names were impossible for her to come up with. For some reason, it was hard to swallow.

'Nyet. I am not nervous.' She lied to herself. 'I cannot worry about silly things like this.'

The crowd hushed. They made way for Ivan, Natalya in tow. Along the way, her brother pulled three people down from the crowd.

She recognized them, but names failed her again.

One took her hand. She glared at him.

"Believe me, you're going to appreciate it." He said, walking her out past everyone.

"I don't believe you. Where is my brother?"

The person stayed quiet.

"Brother. Where is brother?"

"Getting ready. If you want to make an impression I suggest you don't react."

"React?"

He sighed. "You'll find out. But you've already interested them. Nobody joins willingly. You're an exception. You might regret it."

"Regret is not something I have."

He smirked. "You're my age. I've never been that cocky."

"I am not you."

"True. But Ms. Natalya, you can always turn back. You can turn back up until the initiation. Nobody expects you to stay."

"I am not going back."

"You're strange. I'm afraid, it's not in a good way, Ms. Natalya."

She tilted her head slightly. "How do you know my name?"

He paused. "Oh. Your brother and the three of us, we're helpers to his unit, have been deciding whether or not to grant you access to the initiation. We decided yes, majority rule, three to one."

She seemed offended. Anger burned in her eyes. "One? Who was that one?"

"That was me, I'm afraid. Don't think any less of me because I didn't want you to join. I'm only worried for you."

"I don't hate you. Not yet. I don't like you though."

"Not many people do."

She looked around. Her brother was still nowhere in sight. "What is your name?"

"Toris." He then turned to the other two. "The shorter one is Raivis; he's thirteen. The other is Eduard; he's fifteen. A little younger than your brother."

The two glanced at her, but looked back down at their feet.

She gave a light nod. She wanted nothing to do with these people. They weren't what she wanted. Not who she wanted. Her brother was the only one who she wanted. The others were just roadblocks.

After some time, Ivan approached. The three around her became tense. She smirked.

The silver of the blade caught her eye, but she didn't wince or turn away. She had been fascinated by blades and knives and tools of death for some time now. It only peaked her curiosity. Her smirk became wilder.

Ivan took her wrist.

"You have five seconds to turn back, Natalya." He said.

"I do not need five. I am fine."

"I'm still giving them to you."

He put the blade on her palm as fair warning.

"Please. Five."

"Nyet."

"Four."

"Three. Natalya…"

"Nyet!"

"Two."

"One."

He let out a bitter sigh. The blade cut across her palm quickly.

She showed no expression, and the crowd hushed again. Awe was the word to describe it. The only word.

Out of sight, she dug her nails into Toris' hand. Ivan and Toris were the only ones to notice it.

He pointed the base of the dagger to her. "It's yours now. You're a part of my wing. We're leaving for my base now. You will go on your first assignment tomorrow. You're missing another day. Lucky you." He teased.

She said nothing, only giving a light nod.

Toris wrapped her hand on the way with a gauze, her face turning a light pink.

"If you need to cry now, you can. Nobody can see you but us." he said into her ear quietly.

As if on cue, tears slipped from her eyes, but her face didn't change. He taped up the ends of the gauze, and she put her hands to her sides sullenly.

And so it began.

A/N:

Welcome to another crappy fic by yours truly! First story since the username change! First fic in a long time...

I felt as though I needed to post something. I guess I must actually write more for this story, even though I have another chapter. It's my first posted Hetalia fan fiction, although I wish it wasn't. I have this wonderful story that I really want to post, but I am unable to at this time.

If you're a bit confused by Ivan's job, it's pretty much like a gang with tiny branches of gangs. It's so confusing because everything makes more sense in my head than it is in words.

Names:
Natalya- Belarus
Katyusha- Ukraine
Ivan- Russia
Toris- Lithuania
Raivis- Latvia
Eduard- Estonia