The thing you have to understand about my mother and me is that our relationship has always been…strained to put it nicely. My father killed himself when I was a kid and things haven't been quite the same as they were when he was alive. My mother got distant and cold. Part of me understands why; her husband had just left her with a child to raise alone, but another part of me doesn't understand. I needed her to be there for me during this time in my life. She was always too busy working and doing this and that and running in every election there's been. I'm afraid that my daughter, Lacey, feels the same way about me. I always chose work over her. No matter if I was at a horseback riding competition or a birthday dinner, whenever something work related came up I had to leave. My accident in many ways broke me. It left me feeling empty, like my life didn't have purpose anymore, but in many other ways it made me whole again. It was the wake up call I needed to reinvent myself. I know that the bridges I've burned and the people I've hurt can never be truly repaired, but I'm hoping the relationships can be mended. For now let's get back to my mother. Like I said, things have been strained. I feel us reconnecting one minute and then she says or does something that pulls me away again. She makes me go to these stupid parties with all her high society friends just so she can show me off as this high class neurosurgeon, not just her daughter because that's never good enough. Most of all she wasn't there for me when I needed her the most; during my accident. She was so worried about her image and her reputation and what people would think now that her daughter lost her social standing in this God forsaken city. She was embarrassed. Shouldn't a parent be worried, not embarrassed. Now, I don't want to make my mother sound all bad. There were some good times in my childhood and there are some good times now. It's those stolen moments when we actually agree on something and get along. She can make me laugh, but we do great at getting under each other's skin and we know exactly which buttons to press to push the other one as far on the edge as she can without letting her fall. We still go back and forth, but I'm starting to think that it's now more of a mother daughter thing than just being at each other's throats. Things are looking up!
