No idea where this came from. Picks up just after the "Luke can waltz" moment in Raincoats and Recipes. What if Dean went walking two minutes earlier, when Lorelai and Rory were outside talking? Rory has to tell Lorelai what happened with Dean and Jess. Can Lorelai fix the mess that was Raincoats and Recipes, in between opening the inn, fighting Jason and her parents and kissing Luke? Implied Lit.
Disclaimer: I own only these new changes, which I prefer anyway. Teehee
Rory seemed to be a little horrified at the idea that Lorelai and Luke might be dating. Glad, but also worried and fearful of the consequences.
"Our Luke - the town Luke. We see him every day. He's a part of our lives," she pointed out a little frantically.
Lorelai sighed. "I know."
"I mean, everyone will know. They'll know if you're together, they'll know if you're not together."
"I know."
"You can't just date Luke. When you're with Luke, you are with Luke. And if it doesn't work out, it will be really bad for both of us. I mean, how do you feel about this? Do you want to be dating Luke?" she inquired.
Lorelai looked uncomfortable. "Okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves here. I don't even know if this is what he's thinking. This could be a totally innocent situation, and then we've done all this what-iffing for nothing."
At that moment, Rory noticed something out of the corner of her eye. It was Dean, long and loping towards the diner. She glanced guiltily at him, remember how they had parted the night before and what must be going through his mind. She had been so close, so close to finding out what the deal was between him and Lindsay, and then he had to barge in and ruin it all. God, what must Dean think of her?
"Dean!" Lorelai suddenly shouted, beckoning him over.
"What are you doing?" Rory asked suddenly, panicking. She hadn't had time to think of what to say to Dean, being too pre-occupied the night before with what she had said.
No, no, no, no.
Lorelai shot her a confused glance and opened her mouth to answer, but Dean had made his way over to them too quickly and she only had time to shrug.
"Hey," he greeted them both, shoving his hands in his pockets and looking uncomfortable.
"I need a massive favour!" Lorelai begged him. "The door's finally came in and Tom's short-staffed. Can you spare a few hours?"
Dean smiled. "Actually he called me an hour ago. I'm just on my way over there, but he asked me to bring coffee with me." He nodded towards the door.
Lorelai sighed happily. "Thank God, that's one more disaster averted." She beamed at him.
"Anyway, Luke has coffee for me, so we'll let you go."
She looked at Rory expectantly. "You go ahead," Rory told her, waving her hand in front of her awkwardly. "I'll just..."
Lorelai glanced from Rory to Dean and back again. "Sure," she smiled. "Don't hold him up too long though, he has doors to hinge. Is that the right verb? Well, anyway." And she made a very ungraceful entrance into the scene, forgetting which waltzer was inside.
"Hi," Rory whispered a little uncomfortably.
"I have to get coffee," Dean muttered.
"He didn't stay," she burst out. "I told him to go. He went. He's gone."
Dean paused. "Well, great," he said under his breath.
Rory stared at him in shock. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm not mad. I'm in a hurry."
"I left you two messages. You didn't answer either of them. You won't look me in the eye. I told him to leave," she pressed on.
"Yeah, well, you told me to leave, also," he sighed
"I told you to leave so I could tell him to leave."
"That makes sense," he replied sarcastically
"It does make sense, Dean. I didn't ask him to come. I did ask you to come, remember?"
"I know. I just -"
"What - why are you so mad?" Her heart was pounding in her chest. She wondered what he was getting at, how he really felt about her.
Dean averted his eyes. "I thought you were back with him or something."
"No, I'm not back with him. But even if I was back with him," she hedged, "why would it bother you so much?"
He pouted. "I don't like him. And I...I don't want you with him."
She tried to catch his eye, to figure him out. "Because he doesn't treat me right, right?"
"Right." Dean glanced around at the busy street, the customers passing them and going into Luke's. "Look I have to go."
"Dean..." she pleaded. "What..."
But he interrupted her with a hasty "Bye, Rory," and hurried away.
"You don't think that's weird?" Luke motioned outside towards Rory and Dean, who were conversing in soft murmurs. Rory had her arms crossed tightly and almost protectively and was staring at the floor. Dean was trying to catch her eye, to see her face.
"What?" Lorelai asked in confusion. "He's married but he can still talk to other people."
"Ex-people?" Luke questioned. "But it's not even that. It's that!" he gestured. "The way he looks at her, like he wants to devour her."
"Oh he does not," Lorelai dismissed him. "Jess used to look at her like he wanted to devour her, but not Dean. Dean is sweet."
"Jess had more of a right to look at her like that," Luke argued. "He wasn't married."
"You're being ridiculous," Lorelai smiled at him. "But its nice that you're so protective of my daughter. And Jess," she added as an afterthought.
Rory appeared at her side, effectively halting all conversation. "Hi, Luke. What are we eating? Oh, cheeseburgers, yum yum! I'm starved." Her face was bright, cheery, and both Luke and Lorelai knew instantly she was hiding something. Luke raised his eyebrows at her, blatantly reminding her that he-had-told-her-so, and left them to their food.
Rory tucked into her food at an alarming rate, literally stuffing food into her face. She glanced up at Lorelai, who hadn't touched her food, and was staring at her.
"What?" she mumbled, mouth full of food.
"So you and Dean, you're good friends now?"
"Um," Rory looked around her guiltily. "I guess."
"Well you must be," Lorelai reasoned. "If you have things to discuss with him that you can't talk about in public."
Rory blushed. "I..."
"What did he want, Rory?" Lorelai asked. Her expression was deathly serious.
"He, I-" Rory sighed. "He wanted to know if I was back with Jess."
Lorelai shot her a suspicious look. "And why would he think that?"
"Jess interrupted us last night."
Lorelai's mind instantly went to all the worst possible scenarios.
"Interrupted you from what?"
Rory groaned. "It's a long story."
"Oh, I have time!"
"But...the Inn," she protested weakly.
Lorelai gave her her most stern and parental look. "Rory, start talking!"
Rory bit her lip. "You know I went on that date last night that Grandma set up? Well, it was the biggest disaster in the history of dating. When he wasn't abandoning me in the bar to play beer bong with his friends, he was insulting me and trying to get me into a car manned by said drunk friends!"
"Oh my God," Lorelai gasped. "Mom sure knows how to pick them!"
"I know!" Rory sighed. "And I couldn't get a cab because I had no money and the barmaid told me it was too dangerous to go to the nearest ATM by myself. You and Luke and everybody I know was at that wedding, so I called Dean."
"Oh."
"Don't look at me like that. It was the right thing to do."
"Doesn't Paris have a car?"
"She had already left."
"Yes, to Hartford. That's an even shorter trip than Dean would have to take."
"No, she's gone to Oxford. Aren't you glad I didn't call you? You wouldn't have gotten to waltz with Luke."
Lorelai sighed. "Okay, so Dean gave you a lift home."
"Yeah, and walked me to my dorm. And then Jess appeared at the door to my dorm, so I sent Dean home. That's why he thought we were back together, which we are not by the way, and I wanted to explain everything to him."
"And Jess?"
"Jess," Rory announced with the knowledge she had something dramatic to share, "asked me to run away with him!"
Lorelai thought her eyes would bug out of her head. "He did what?"
"I know, how crazy is that? Typical unstable Jess, appearing out of nowhere and expecting me to just be waiting for him! So unpredictable, so unsafe, so, so ...unreliable!"
"And you said no, right?"
"Emphatically," Rory reassured her. She leaned over and began to trace shapes in the condensation from her soda on the tabletop. "I completely shot him down." She pursed her lips. "I've never seen someone look so hurt."
"Oh, honey." Lorelai patted her hand softly.
"But I did the right thing, right? Turning him away. I mean, he might have changed his mind five minutes later knowing Jess."
Lorelai hesitated but smiled eventually. "Yeah, you did the right thing."
Throughout the entire day, while she should have been worrying about doors and Luke's flowers and Jason and her parents' ridiculous charade of a happy marriage, Lorelai was instead worrying about her daughter. This wasn't exactly a new thing. As a mother she had grown accustomed to the constant ache in the pit of her stomach that parenthood entailed. Today, however, after her conversations with Luke and Rory, her mother's intuition was beginning to kick into action. Several times, she walked in on Rory and Dean whispering to each other. Their talking wasn't necessarily what worried her, but the way they were gazing into each others' eyes gave her chills. Once, Luke had walked past them, and the expression on his face told Lorelai plainly that she was not losing her mind. To make things worse, various townspeople were starting to glance in their direction with knowing eyes, Patty and Babette being the chief culprits. Even Sookie did a double take when she passed by Rory and Dean talking privately and intently.
Lorelai couldn't figure it out. Why would Rory suddenly turn to Dean? Not only was he married, but Rory herself had been the one who had wanted to see someone else. She hadn't done the dumping, that was true, but only out of fear. She had definitely wanted to break up with him, though. And it wasn't just because of Jess. It was because she was too smart, too brilliant for Dean. And Jess, where did he factor into all this? Had his spontaneous arrival reminded Rory of all the reasons she hated him, or had it scared her back into Dean's arms. Did she hate him or love him? She used all sorts of words to describe Jess, Lorelai recalled. Unstable, unreliable, unpredictable, unsafe. Lots of uns. Was it that Dean, even though he was married, represented the opposite of Jess: safety, comfort, and stability? For a moment, Lorelai was happy to blame it all on Jess. If he hadn't left, hell, if he had never come to Stars Hollow, Rory wouldn't be like this.
A treacherous thought stopped her in her tracks.
If he had never come to Stars Hollow, would Rory be married to Dean right now?
Ugh.
Having walked in on them gazing at each other one two many times, Lorelai sent Rory back to the house to get CDs. She was increasingly worried that Dean's marriage might not be the impediment she had hoped it would be. She mentally berated herself over and over again for not noticing any of this sooner. Somewhere in between fighting with her mother and Jason, and trying to pacify Michel, Dean approached her and nonchalantly inquired as to Rory's whereabouts. "I sent her to do some errands," Lorelai snapped, and returned to Michel. That'll teach him, she congratulated herself with some satisfaction. She was even happier when she saw him disappear soon after. That's right, go home little, ridiculously tall boy. Go home to your wife.
Sometime between Luke kissing her, really kissing her and and Kirk's naked, hysterical descent down the staircase, Lorelai realised her fatal error. "Luke! He's going to find her at the house! They are probably alone there right now!"
Thankfully, Luke seemed to comprehend the situation instantly. "You go get them, I'll catch up after I deal with him!" He tore off behind Kirk, following the sound of his screams. Lorelai did not even consider taking her Jeep. In her panic she simply began to run. Or at least, as close as a Gilmore would ever get to running. Her mind worked a mile a minute. Suddenly it was all beginning to make sense. Rory was going to do something with Dean. She was going to, in some way, shape of form, allow Dean, who had never gotten over her, to cheat on his wife with her. And why? Because he was safe! How twisted was that? How much had Jess screwed her up that this was what she considered safe? She finally made it past Luke's and down Peach Street, lungs burning and feet aching. Damn heels. Spotting the lights on in her house she broke into a full run, sprinting up the porch steps and bursting open the door. She skidded into the hall and shouted Rory's name.
"I don't want you to be safe!" she screeched, landing in the kitchen and seeing Rory and Dean less than an inch apart. They leapt apart, visibly shocked.
"Mom?" Rory seemed to be in shock. Lorelai glanced over her appearance. Unmolested, thank God.
"Safety," Lorelai wheezed, clutching her side.
Rory stared at her in bafflement, and took the most literal meaning of her mother's words. "You don't want me to be safe?"
"Not in love!" Lorelai shouted, regaining some of her breath. "I don't want you to settle for security!"
Rory seemed to get offended by this. "So you want me to be hurt?"
"No," she sighed. "I want you to be happy. Ecstatically, explosively happy in love."
Rory crossed her arms. "You can be comfortable and explosively ecstatic," she argued.
"No, you can't! It's one or the other."
"Lorelai," Dean interrupted, effectively drawing attention to himself for the first time.
"You!" She pointed at him. "Get the hell out of my house and away from my daughter!"
"Mom," Rory protested.
"I don't want to hear it!" She rounded on Dean. "Who the hell do you think you are, Bill Clinton? You're married, and I find you here trying to kiss my daughter. You disgust me," she spat.
Dean didn't seem to have an argument for that, and paled at the memory of what he had almost done. At that point, Luke burst in, also panting and short of breath. He caught sight of Dean, and his eyes narrowed. His face contorted into a murderous expression. "You," he snarled, and grabbed Dean bodily and threw him out the door. Outside, she heard Luke shout, "And don't even think of coming back because I'll be here all night, waiting for you!" He stomped back into the kitchen, rubbing his hands together at a job well done. He stopped at the sight of the two women in the kitchen, facing each other, each with their arms crossed and glaring at the other. "I'll just, uh, wait in the living room," he gestured, and scurried out.
Lorelai walked over to Rory's room and held the door open for Rory to follow her. Once they were both in the room, she closed the door behind her and Rory sat on the bed. A heavy silence dscended on them. Lorelai glanced around her, at the Yale posters on the wall, at Colonel Clucker nestled between the pillows on the bed, at the stacks of books overflowing from the bookshelves. She sighed. "Can you please just tell me what's going on in your head?" she asked softly.
"It's not as bad as it looks," Rory defended herself. Lorelai scoffed. "I mean it. He's leaving her, they're not right for each other."
"I don't care. I don't care whether or not the path is open for you to be with Dean, which it isn't, but why, honey, why do you want to be with him?"
"He was mine first!" Rory argued. "He was kind to me and sweet and he took care of me-"
"And you chose someone else!" Lorelai interrupted her.
"So I made a mistake. Dean has forgiven me for it."
"You're not getting the point!" Lorelai rubbed her forehead in frustration, her voice rising. They both glanced toward the door in case Luke heard them.
"I told you, he's leaving Lindsay!"
"And I told you I don't care! I told you, I don't want you to settle for safe. You're young, you're not supposed to be settling for comfort."
"Why not?"
"Because that's not love! Not real love, at least. Love is supposed to be scary, and dangerous and exhilarating. Because giving your heart to somebody is never safe. It's always a risk. But it's a risk you have to take if you want to feel true happiness with another person."
Rory was on her feet. "Are you suggesting that I should have run away with Jess?"
"Maybe!" she returned. "If it had made you happy, then yes. Even just for a little while."
"You hate Jess! He bailed on me twice, and you were happy he did! You always hated the idea of us together."
"You don't have to be with Jess," Lorelai found herself shouting back. "If you don't want Jess, don't be with Jess! I'm not too jazzed at the idea of him. But don't give up on him just because you're scared of loving him! And don't choose a guy who doesn't excite you or who you're just fond of. I'd rather than you be alone than ruin a marriage for someone you don't even want to be with."
By now, Rory was crying. A knock on the door interrupted them. "Luke, we're a little busy right now!"
"Yeah, I can hear that. Uh, I just wanted to say that I know that Jess shouldn't have tried to get you to run away with him, Rory, uh, obviously, but that he really does feel strongly about you." His voice, though muffled by the inch or two of solid wood between them, caused Rory to flinch. "He really opened up to me these past couple of days, and he made a real effort to try and communicate with me. He even read a self-help book to try and help him sort himself out." Rory sniffled and glanced at her mother, who nodded in confirmation. "And I think, that by going to see you, he was hoping for, uh, reciprocation. He was trying to tell you that he cares about you and he wanted to know if you care about him. But you know Jess, he's no good at this communication stuff. He screwed it up. But the point is he loves you, really loves you. The fact that he told you that in the first place is...special. It's special, and it's not Jess. He's really trying to change.
"Uh, so that's all I have to say. Except that also your mother is right about love. You ever see a movie where love was easy? Well, knowing the amount of movies the two of you watch, it's possible. But, uh, if those movies do exist, they're crap. Love is not supposed to be easy or comfortable, or else it wouldn't mean as much." He shuffled by the door. "I'm gonna get some blankets, set up on the couch in case that punk is dumb enough to come back." The sound of his feet shuffling faded away.
They two girls looked at each other. Rory was crying. Lorelai pulled her into a hug. "I just want you to be happy."
"I know," Rory sobbed. "Everything's changing! College is so much harder than I expected and I'm living away from home and grandma and grandpa are separating and you and Luke are possibly dating, and I-" she gave up and simply cried into her mother's arms.
Lorelai soothed her hair. "I know. But everything will settle, don't you worry."
After Rory had calmed a little she pulled herself out of Lorelai's arms. "I think I'm going to go to bed," she mumbled.
"Alright. But if you need anything..."
"I know. But I'm fine. Really. I just need to sleep."
"Okay, honey. Sweet dreams."
Lorelai helped Luke settle on the couch and went to bed herself. She spent the night tossing and turning, worrying about just about everything.
In the morning when she awoke, Rory was gone. In her place she had left a note:
I wasn't going to do anything. I swear to God, I wasn't. I still might not do anything. If you're reading this, then it means I've decided to go. I guess it's time to become one of those heroines we're always watching in movies and reading about in books. I really hope it's a happy ending, but I guess your point was that it's the experience that counts. It's my own fault really; I consulted my Shakespeare and he agrees with you:
Is love a tender thing? It is too rough,
Too rude, too boisterous; and it pricks like thorn.
Good old Bill. That's Romeo and Juliet by the way. I'm only telling you that because you'll get a kick out of imagining Jess in tights. Don't worry, there will be no suicide pact. I'm not abandoning Yale either.
I'll call soon.
I love you.
PS Thanks for letting me go; I know he scares you.
Lorelai clutched the note to her chest. Her own baby, running away. Well, like mother, like daughter. And it had worked out pretty well for her. "Good luck, kid", she whispered. "God knows you're going to need it."
