Disclaimer: I don't own Nikita/characters used/etc.


Sometimes she closes her eyes and allows herself to wonder what would have happened if she had gotten away rather than being falsely labeled a cop killer. She allows herself to imagine what would have happened if there had been no Division in her life. If she had remained blissfully ignorant to the underbelly of politics.

It isn't pretty. She would probably be dead by now, overdosed or a picked a fight with someone she shouldn't have.

There would have been no Michael to clean her up and give her true confidence rather than recklessness. There would have been no Michael to teach her how to trust someone fully and completely, to teach her how to love someone to the point that not being able to be together didn't matter.

Then again, if Michael hadn't taught her what it was to trust and to love then she never would have had the pain of losing Daniel. She could remember the feeling of his death, like someone had come in with a crude instrument, like the type they had used for lobotomies, and carved her insides out. Not her emotions though. No, those they had left so that she could feel everything at once. Like every nerve was on fire, as if someone had applied Methyl salicylate to her entire body.

But as she looked into Michael's eyes she recognized the same intense feeling in them that she had for him. It was almost worth it.

Because he had taught her that even though they couldn't be together, they could still love one other with such intensity that it didn't matter.

They would each do their job. Even if she had to make allowances like saving his ass over taking out her target, even if he let her slip away time after time, they would do their jobs they just wouldn't do them effectively as they could.

It was a price to pay, but it was worth it.