So this story is going to follow very similarly to the original plot, I think that realistic character development is really important so if at times it feels like the plot line is lagging its so I can establish my own characters. This is the revised version to try and make it a bit easier to get through. Hope you enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I do not own ouran, how I wish.

I took a step back, taking in the spectacular view that was Ouran Academy. The meticulous landscape was lush and green. Towering trees all perfectly aligned setting up a beautiful framework for the gothic cathedral style buildings. Every detail from the terrace, to the turrets was delicately carved and polished. The wealth of the students inside emanated off of the very bricks of the building.

Tears were in my eyes as I remembered the journey that brought me here, but I vowed not to cry. Not to feel. It was too hard to feel, and I knew that, if given the chance, my emotions would suffocate me. I was alone in the world, with no one here to help or comfort me. It had been hard getting here, and I barely had enough money to provide a living situation for myself, let alone indulging myself in the luxuries Ouran could provide to the rich.

I held my head down and made my way up the steps. I hoped to be inconspicuous, drawing no one's attention. That was not the case. I couldn't afford a school uniform, so I had chosen a large sweater that made me appear shapeless, and black slacks. With my short hair that I had chopped off myself, I realized that I must've looked more like a boy than a girl. But it didn't matter, any of it. I just wanted to remain isolated from everyone else. Then I would have a chance of holding it together.

But that was not to be, because this was the year that the Host Club happened to me.

This is a huge school; why is it that there are no quiet places to study? I thought to myself. For the last 20 minutes, I had been searching for a place to study alone. It was then that I came across the third floor music room. It looked as if it wasn't being used. Well, as long as it's quiet I thought. I opened the doors, but didn't find a quiet isolated music room. Instead, I found the Host Club.

"WELCOME TO THE HOST CLUB"

There appeared to be six boys. Two I recognized from class A, my own class. But I hadn't bothered to remember their names. They were red-haired twins, hard to miss. The other four were no one I had any classes with, and I surmised they must have been in older grades. The one thing that all the boys seemed to have in common was that they were all beautiful. Now that may be an odd way to describe boys, but it was true. They had flawless skin and hair, perfect teeth, impeccable style, and since they all bore the Ouran Academy uniforms, they must be very wealthy. If I had had any interest in dating someone, I would've looked to one of these six, but at the moment their beauty simply passed over me.

In fact, I was shocked, speechless. What in God's name were they doing? The boy who appeared to be the leader, tall with blond hair and blue eyes, came up to me, inquiring as to why I was there. The twins seemed to be bored by my presence. "It's only a guy" I heard one of them say.

"Welcome rare scholarship student, Haruhi Fujioko" the blond one said.

"How did you know my name" I asked, confused, but at the same time a bit apprehensive. Who were these people? And what the hell was a host club? I tried to back away, but the blond one kept coming closer.

"I wouldn't be at this school if I didn't know" he went on. He started droning on about how I was a hero, and so poor that I would be ridiculed for it, and on and on. I quickly came to the conclusion that he was an idiot. I was offended, but mostly I just wanted to leave. This blond boy, whose name I don't even know, was stirring up emotions inside of me, particularly irritation.

This was not good; I needed to leave, and started to back away. Then, the blond boy started saying I was gay, asking me what type of boy I liked. A little offensive, but I couldn't really blame him.

"Lolita, pedophile, wild, or me?" he asked. He was extremely close, and that made me very uncomfortable. My face started to flush.

"Haru-chan, are you a hero?" this small, adorable boy, who looked to be about thirteen, asked me.

"Who gave you permission to call me Haru-chan?" I demanded before I could stop myself. I stopped talking, before my emotions overcame me and I burst out into tears. I backed away, mumbling that I was leaving and that I had only been looking for a place to study. My quiet, reserved, and mostly emotionless mask was intact once again.

But as I started backing out in a hurry, an event occurred that changed my life. I ran into a vase, and it shattered. You would think that shattering a vase, while very clumsy and irresponsible, would not be, in any way, a life-changing event. But when they informed me that the vase cost $800,000 dollars, well that was the occurrence that altered my life completely.

I was completely inarticulate. How could that vase have cost $800,000 dollars?

"I-I-I'll pay it back" I stammered, trying to think of how many extra shifts I could pull at the restaurant I worked at.

Already, I was working every night just trying to feed and shelter myself. The numbers were impossible, I realized. For a minute, I even thought I might have to admit defeat and go back.

NO! There had to be another way. The twins laughed cruelly and said, "You can't even afford a uniform. How are you supposed to pay for this?" The idiot blond then proclaimed that I would pay with my body.

Guess what he named me? The Host Club dog! What is that? I thought. It was amazing how I could find myself more dumbfounded in one day than I had been in my entire life.

It turns out that a Host Club, Tamaki, the blond, explained, is where privileged and attractive young boys with too much time on their hands entertain beautiful, wealthy girls who also have way too much time on their hands.

So, pretty much they flirt with all the girls they want and call it an extracurricular activity I thought. What is this world coming to? There are people starving in the world, without shelter, and this is how rich teenagers spend their time. I was shocked, and also a bit disgusted. Other people went through such hardships, while they had the chance to be frivolous and irresponsible by birthright.

But, despite my bitterness towards the whole concept, I still owed them a great deal of money. So I kept my opinions to myself and did my "dog duties" as instructed. I was perceptive, though that was how I had always been. But lately, I had also been extremely quiet and was thought by others to be competent. I knew that wasn't true though.

I have noticed that each Host member has a selling point. The twins, Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachin, have a "brotherly love" thing going on. This pretty much means that they fake an incestuous relationship to make the girls swoon. Tamaki is the leader; he has the "princely" vibe going on. The girls melt at anything he says, and it makes me embarrassed for my gender.

One of the quiet ones, Kyouya, with dark hair and eyes, who also wears glasses, seems to always be lurking around. It doesn't seem as if he misses anything that happens in the host club.

Tamaki came up behind me and whispered into my ear to work hard to erase my debt. Although the words were harmless, it sounded to me like he was trying to entice me.

"Look, I'm really not interested in that kind of thing" I said meaningfully.

He seemed perturbed. "That's one of my best techniques!" he exclaimed.

"I don't even understand why a club like this exists. It shouldn't matter, guy or girl, attractive or not. It's supposed to be about what's on the inside," I countered quietly, thoughtfully.

It had been a while since I'd spoken so much about something that I had an opinion about. It was almost a relief, but at the same time I was frightened. I didn't want my emotions, or even worse, my memories, to overtake me anymore.

It also seemed as if he agreed with me for a moment. Then, he went off about how God sometimes created perfect specimens, such as himself, beautiful inside and outside. He was droning on and on about the importance of his beauty. While this was happening, I was trying to think of the best word to describe him, but I couldn't seem to place it. He wasn't annoying necessarily, and not just stupid.

"I know" I exclaimed out loud, when it finally came to me.

"Oh, you finally understand?" Tamaki seemed to be saying.

"You're egotistical." In the blink of an eye, he was curled up in the corner, completely depressed.

The twins came up behind me and said, "Wow, you must be a strong one after all." I felt bad. I hadn't thought that one comment would make him so upset. He was one of the strangest people I had ever met.

"Suo-sempai" I started cautiously. How is it that my carefully kept in check emotions kept getting the better of me with these boys? I vowed to make it stop right then and there.

"KING" he interrupted me. "That's what they call me." I was about to call him King, but then the others started calling him a variety of names: Tono, Tamaki, and Sir. But no one called him King. I privately thought this boy had some undeniable issues.

It was at that moment that the boy I had taken to be thirteen walked in, on a tall, dark and mysterious man's shoulders. From what I had observed thus far, the two seemed joined at the hip. The short one was Mitskuni Haninozuka, and he was actually in grade twelve. The other one was also in grade twelve. His name was Takishi Morinuzuka.

Since no one appeared to be paying attention to Tamaki, he regained his composure and said,

"Honey-sempai is the eldest in the club. Mori-sempai's selling point is the silent, stoic type, while Honey is the Lolita boy." Something that I had noticed about this club was that all the boys were in class A in their select grades. Maybe this shouldn't have surprised me, for it seemed that the Host Club members had been picked very precisely.

"I just wanted to study somewhere quiet" I exhaled softly.

"Why don't you study at your home?" Tamaki questioned.

"It's not very quiet at home," I said even more softly.

The place I was staying at could barely be called a home. It was a tiny apartment building, where people could hear each other breathing. The building was so tightly packed together.

"I didn't want to bother anyone else with doing my work. I feel bad if I'm bothering them when I don't have to be." I said.

With that, Tamaki burst into tears about how sad it was that rich people were making me cry myself to sleep because I was their lowly servant.

"What era are you talking about"? I asked. Rich people sure as hell weren't the reason I cried myself to sleep every night.

Still sniffling, he exclaimed that he had been watching some soap opera on TV where the heroine was abused by the rich people she served. It amazed me that any girl would request this boy to host them. He seemed ridiculous, and more than a little messed up in the head. He was also way too curious for my liking. I didn't want anything to get out. I couldn't handle any more sympathetic looks and barely concealed pity.

Tamaki, of course, seemed oblivious to the internal wars going on inside my head. In fact, he got a strange gleam in his eye. Something that I knew should make me nervous. "You can be a host!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "We can fix up your looks, and I will teach you everything that I know."

"But..." I started to protest, maybe to tell him I was actually a girl, or just to tell him to go to hell I wasn't sure.

"And if you get, let's say… 100 customers, we will forgo your debt."

"That's really not necessary," I said, remaining calm, quiet and emotionless. "I can just do the chores." But, apparently once Tamaki's mind is set on something, it'll take more than that to convince him otherwise.

First, he started teaching me how to properly put down a glass. You're supposed to use your pinky finger to cushion the cup so that it does not create a disturbance. This, of course, is completely ridiculous, but Tamaki evidently thought it was relevant. He started teaching me about how to look at someone from under my eyelashes, and I think that he was trying to charm me. Whatever he was doing, it was freaking me out.

"Did you see the sparkle?" he asked ever so smoothly.

"What sparkle?" I asked, no connotation in my voice. With that, he was back in the corner. I really didn't know what to say. It was apparent that, no matter what I said, something would set him off.

He's a Drama Queen I thought to myself. And I almost laughed at the truth and hilarity of my words. But just as soon as the laughter had been about to surface, my own black clouds replaced them in a bitter sweep of wind. How could I be almost laughing? It was unforgivable, to be enjoying myself. It was too soon. And just like that, my overwhelming sadness and guilt resurfaced.

I was about to be sucked into my own personal grief when Honey-sempai came up. "Haru-chan! Do you wanna come eat some sweets with me?" he asked in earnest.

"No thank you; I don't eat sweets." I replied impassively. I used to eat sweets, but once I left, well I stopped doing a lot of things that I normally did.

Honey pulled out an adorable bunny after this proclamation. "Do you like Usa-chan?" he asked innocently.

It was so damn cute.

"He's pretty cute?"

A sort of bell seemed to go off in Honey's head. I didn't know what that meant, but it seemed he had realized something.

It didn't matter anyhow. I was just going to silently and unobtrusively remain in my post until either some miracle happened, and let's be honest, it wouldn't, or until the end of my already miserable high school career.

While I was trying unsuccessfully to daydream of another life, another time when I had been happier, I was distracted by Tamaki and the twins making sexual references and jokes every two seconds. Oh great, now they were talking about my looks. Tamaki made some comment about my glasses. I merely shrugged and said "They were my father's. After I lost my contacts, they were the best I could do. " I winced internally; the mention of my family always made me cringe.

"They probably just make your eyes look bigger or something" Tamaki exclaimed, as he plucked the glasses off. I don't know what he was thinking, but he immediately snapped his fingers and called Hikaru and Kaoru.

Did I really look that bad? I had always thought I had nice eyes, but I guess without any makeup or anything maybe they really weren't so great.

All of a sudden, the club was in action, Tamaki-sempai calling out the orders. "Kyouya, call the school tailors. Mori, get some contact lenses. Hikaru, Kaoru, hair." Honey-sempai came over, looking eager.

"What about me?" he asked.

"Honey-sempai, go eat some cakes!" declared Tamaki, as Honey sulked in the corner with Usa-chan and his cake.

Honestly, being around these boys and their whirlwind emotions was already proving exhausting.

Kaoru and Hikaru started coming at me with beauty tools in their hands. They sat me down on a chair, cut my scruffy hack job hair to perfection, and handed me a uniform. The twins were about to come in and help me change.

"No! I can change myself."

Honestly, I don't want them to see me changing. The same sort of bell that went off in Honey-sempai's head seemed to go off in theirs' as well, as they backed away with mischievous smiles on their faces.

I finished changing, although I didn't want to look at myself in the mirror. All I ever saw was barely repressed anguish, and large bags underneath my eyes revealing all the sleepless nights I still had after all this time. I walked out of the changing room to find all of the boys staring at me. "This uniform…" I began. It was incredibly expensive and certainly not something I could afford.

But Tamaki and the twins interrupted me. "How wonderful! Our finest project" they said, tears streaming from their eyes. I was a little embarrassed. I mean, had I really looked that bad before? I chose to ignore my own question, knowing I wouldn't like the answer.

Tamaki jumped at me and hugged me, yelling "CUTE!"

I stayed rigid, not allowing myself to enjoy the feeling of his warm body against mine. Even though Tamaki was ridiculous and superficial I couldn't deny that I was unbelievably lonely. But I wanted to keep it that way, it's what I deserve.

He tilted my head up, and said "How lovely; almost like a girl…" he pondered. Sharp retorts were begging to be let out, but I held my tongue. It didn't matter, any of it.

All the boys had encouraging things to say about my transformation. It was embarrassing, having all these people pay attention to me. I had purposely closed myself off, keeping mostly to myself since I had travelled to Japan. Suddenly, these boys had thrust me into the spotlight of their club, and it was disconcerting to say the least.

I didn't want their attention on me; I didn't want to let any of them into my life, even superficially. Once you allow people into your life it's just that much easier to get hurt. You can't trust people; that's a lesson I learned the hard way. It's easier not to let myself feel any emotions, even the good ones.

I stayed silent throughout all their commentary, and tried to tune out what they were saying, in hopes that all of my emotions could stay locked away. It was my form of self-preservation, and I didn't need these handsome, albeit ridiculous, boys to ruin my hard-won control.

While I had been unsuccessfully trying to tune out the talking of the boys, it had been decided that I would become a host officially. So that was how I wound up after school at the Host Club, with three pretty girls around me. They started inquiring about how I got to school, and why I joined the club and all. I was about to just leave, and forget all of this day, but then I remembered the vase I had broken. They had said that if I could gather 100 costumers I could be relieved of my debt, and God knows I didn't have any money to spare. So, I decided that I could fake my way through it. How many guys had I known who had just pretended and turned on the charm, and they had gotten tons of girls? I could still remain emotionless underneath; I just had to act the part. With my decision made, I decided to try and charm these girls. I mean, I was a girl myself; shouldn't I know how to charm one?

I floundered for things to say. I noticed that one of the girls had finished her tea. Trying to remember what Tamaki-sempai had been dithering on about, I had it; you are supposed to look at people with your head tilted down. I tried it, leaning down and batting my long eyelashes in what I hoped was an endearing way. I asked,

"Would you like another cup of tea?" The girl blushed, and stammered that she would love one.

All of a sudden, the other two girls were dying for a cup of tea as well. I was officially and utterly embarrassed to be a female. I kept all those thoughts locked away though, and I gathered them some more tea, while plastering a hopefully convincing smile on my face.

The girls seemed to be buying every line, so I continued on talking about this and that. I could barely hear the words of Tamaki, Kyouya, Hikaru, and Kaoru as they wondered how I was doing so well right off the bad. It must be his innocence, one of them, I think Kyouya, said. I almost laughed outright at the irony in that. I was most certainly not innocent, not anymore, though I supposed I played the part rather well.

Once the girls started inquiring about my personal life, I knew it was time to lie. My old friends used to say I was one of the best liars they knew, because I never gave anything away in my face or body. My heart gave an unwelcome pang. I hadn't thought about my old friends in a while. It made me miss them so much. Everything had been going great for me, and then all of the sudden, it was gone.

I turned to answer, smile still carefully in place as I talked about how I used to live in Canada, but once I was accepted into Ouran I had come here by myself. My family was still back in Canada, I continued to tell them, and they were working hard there at the winery we owned. They paid the bills for my living expenses, I told them, but they did not make enough for me to have my own uniform or anything. They ate it all up, listening intensely, not detecting the lie. It's not like it was all a lie; the best lies always started from a grain of truth. That way, it's harder for you to slip up if you already have an entire back-story.

"What do you do about chores and everything?" one of the girls asked, sympathy written clearly on her face. This type of sympathy I could deal with, because I knew it wasn't really about anything all that sad.

"Oh, I do all of that myself. I quite enjoy cooking and baking," I said, my smile never wavering, but I said it with a bit of a sad undertone.

I knew it was wrong, trying to gain these people's sympathies this way, but it was the only way I could think of to gain their trust. "It's hard sometimes," I sighed, "but I always enjoy getting the recipe just right. I know it would make my parents proud."

Perhaps I was laying it on a little thick, but I wasn't being entirely insincere either. I stole a glance at Tamaki and the others. I realized that they had bought everything. Only Kyouya looked unconvinced, but I could work on him later.

"May I come tomorrow too?" one of the girls asked shyly, as if she thought I really might say no.

"Of course you can. I would really love to enjoy your company for another afternoon" I said, softening my smile and looking away as if embarrassed by this revelation.

The girls swooned a little more, and then they were on their way. I almost wanted to pat myself on the back for a job well done, but I knew it was too soon for that. I needed to secure my story and make sure that everyone thought this an indisputable truth. Then, once I had 100 customers, I could break away from this ridiculous club and carry on with my quiet, insubstantial existence once more.

I felt better prepared having a goal. I had always been a motivated person, apparently being half dead to the outside world for 6 months had not done much to alter that. But I guess I wouldn't be top of class A without that. I only worked so hard because I knew it's what my parents wanted; that alone made me work hard, both at my job and my schoolwork, to provide both a living situation and a future for myself.

I saw Tamaki then turn back to his customer. He had apparently been staring at me the entire time. How creepy. He was talking to this girl. I believe she had said a rather rude comment about me distributing ramen to the boys, but I couldn't be sure. She did not seem pleased at something Tamaki said, and her unkind expression did not help her average features.

Wow, and the claws come out I thought to myself. I didn't even like Tamaki, and I could still bitch about some girl I didn't know. I realized what was happening, once these boys had prodded me open, I was starting to fall back into old habits. But I couldn't let that happen. I repressed the memories and habits of my former life down where they belonged, and turned to face Tamaki and the girl.

"Haruhi, this is Princess Ayanojouji" Tamaki said excitedly, like he was showing me off or something. I chose to ignore this possessive tone, and fixed a charming smile on my face that the other girls had swooned for.

"It's very nice to meet you," I said pleasantly. Once again, Tamaki assaulted me with a hug, proclaiming how cute I was. And once again I shut down thoughts about different things, thinking about anything but how very male and attractive he was. I needed out. I was feeling suffocated, being so close to people after all this time. The other guests and boys were watching with some amusement, but I was starting to panic. I called out to Mori-sempai, the closest one.

"Mori-sempai help me" I called. I knew that it was ridiculous, to try and call for his help, but I couldn't stand this "sexual harassment" as the twins had just called it. It was stirring things inside of me, things better left untouched. Immediately, Mori came up and grabbed me out of Tamaki's arms. Great, I went from being hugged by one guy, to being carried like a sack of potatoes by another.

Tamaki looked dumbfounded. I was a little bewildered myself, but I felt in control again once Mori set me down.

"You called for help, so I helped" he said matter-of-factly, not realizing how strange that just was for me.

"You should eat more" Mori said, pinning his dark, expressive gaze on me. "You are too light for someone of your height" he said.

Instead of responding to this absurd comment, I looked away, embarrassed. For a while now, well six months, I had barely been able to eat anything. It wasn't getting easier either. I felt like there was this gaping hole inside of me that refused to accept food, or even sleep, or comfort apparently.

But I was worried now. If one person started to notice, others would notice too, and then people would start asking questions.

"I was sick recently," I said. "I just lost a bunch of weight. It will come back soon," I said convincingly.

Mori looked at me strangely, and then went about his business. No one else had seemed to overhear our little conversation, and I hoped it would stay that way.

"Now you can come back to daddy!" cried Tamaki happily.

"You are not my father." I said sharply.

Tamaki seemed quite put off, but in a different way than normal. I stole a glance at his "Princess" and well, if looks could kill; she was sending daggers straight through me. Great, one day with these boys, and I was already making enemies, though why I couldn't say.

As I shook off the weirdness of that encounter, I decided that my initial feelings of Ayanojouji were right; she was no good. But it didn't matter. I would just stay out of her way. Avoidance was something I had really mastered this last year.

After school that day, I went to grab something from my binder, when a razor blade sliced my finger. I shivered at the sight of my own blood. Back when everything had first transpired I had had strong urges to hurt myself.

That was back when the emotional pain was too much to bear. Physical pain was a way to dull the mental anguish I was in. I had never had to cut myself though, my scar had been fresh and any movement or prodding was incredibly painful.

I wasn't in quite as dark a place anymore, not to the point of wanting to hurt myself. I knew that my family would want better for me. But the mental pain was always there in the back of my mind, telling me that nothing would ever truly be okay again. At least it doesn't consume my every thought and action, not anymore.

I got a bandage from the nurse's office and tried to shake off the incident, and the horrible feelings it brought up. If someone wanted to try and hurt me with silly pranks, I wasn't too concerned. What more could they do to me that hadn't already been done? I resumed my evening activities, not realizing that I should have known exactly who it was.

The next day at the club, I saw my first game of which one is Hikaru. With their hair flipped up, I guess it was supposed to be difficult to guess who they were, although I had no doubts about who was who.

"What a silly game" I said quietly to myself in passing.

Not realizing that I had been heard, the twins challenged me to guess. Right away, I said "Kaoru is on the right, and Hikaru the left."

"WRONG!" they said, in their usual obnoxious tone.

"No," I began, "I'm right. You two may be twins, but there are differences about you" I said, a genuine smile pulling at the sides of my mouth.

The twins looked at me in the strangest way, as if I had just crossed some unseen barrier I hadn't known had been there in the first place. By the way they looked at each other and began to sweat, I knew I had been right.

The girls flocked around me, gushing at how amazing I was.

"You were looking at them through the eyes of your heart" one girl claimed lovingly.

I was a little stunned. Being able to tell the difference between the twins was swoon-worthy? It really wasn't that hard. Hikaru was clearly the more mischievous. While he was technically the older brother, he had a more immature side about him. Kaoru seemed to think more, and while he played along with Hikaru and had the same sort of attitude most of the time, he was really more reserved. These things I had picked up in just one short week. I was surprised the other girls couldn't beat this game with ease by now.

I was surprised by all of the attention these girls were giving me, and I put my hands up in a self-defense mechanism, to shield myself away, when one girl commented on my bandaged finger. "Oh no, Haruhi! What happened to your finger?" she asked.

I decided to lie. There was no use in circulating rumors when it could have been an accident.

"Oh, I was cutting with a knife for dinner last night, and it slipped and I cut my finger."

I decided it best not to mention that I was left-handed, and the cut was on my left hand. It was pretty hard to cut yourself on the hand that's wielding the knife. From the knowing way Kyouya looked at me, I knew he had realized this too. I quickly looked away from him, and instead adjusted my tie in a sort of nervous gesture. What else did he know? I silently pondered. Well, as long as he keeps it to himself, it's irrelevant, I suppose I mused.

I really didn't even have any evidence that it was a bully. There was the razor incident; one of my books had come out of my locker sopping wet. Thank goodness it hadn't had many notes in it. And when I had shouldered my bag, it had contained a pin that had stuck into me. It wasn't a big deal though. No harm, no foul, I suppose. It was as I looked out the window then, that I saw my book bag had been thrown into the pond/fountain that was just outside the Host Club.

Shit, I thought silently, my money's in there, and I have rent due this week. I hurriedly rushed outside, forgetting the Host Club in my haste to save my money. Hoping it wasn't already too late.

As I was running through the hallway I went past Tamaki's number one costumer. She said how nice I looked, but for seem reason it seemed cruel and mocking.

"You look like one of us now" she said, and I heard her murmur, just loud enough for me to hear, "Too bad you can't fix the faults in your upbringing too." I let the comment pass, not even sure if I had heard correctly.

I climbed into the fountain, ignoring the cold temperatures of the water despite the sunny, warm day. "Hey peasant!" Tamaki called, as he bonked me on the head. "What a nice hobby, skipping club activities to play in the water" It was then that he noticed my wet bag that I had pulled out. Looking at Tamaki from this angle, he looked tall and formidable, but in an endearing sort of way. I stopped my inspection of him, a blush creeping up my neck. I focused on the task of finding my wallet. I mentally chastised myself for checking him out. I will put a stop to this, and so I silently retreated back into myself, forgetting that Tamaki was really rather handsome, when he didn't speak.

"Why did you get your bag wet?" he asked.

"Umm, I dropped it, and my wallet is still in here, so I need to find it" I said quickly. Maybe I wasn't such a good liar after all. Oh well, Tamaki seemed to buy it.

I expected another rude comment from him. Instead, he said "No, no. You're doing it all wrong. It's like this." He proceeded to rip his shirt off, revealing quite an attractive torso, but with my emotions back on a tight rein, it didn't matter to me. He started splashing around looking ridiculous, trying to find it.

"You don't have to do that, really. You'll get wet," I said softly, almost timidly, though I was trying to keep my composure.

I mean, surely it was ridiculous, getting sentimental about the stupidest thing. But it had been awhile since I had seen genuine kindness, just for the sake of being kind.

No, I was probably misreading things. He probably just wanted to rip his shirt off.

"It's okay. Besides, people always tell me I'm dripping with good looks." It should have sounded conceited, but it seemed more like a flimsy excuse to be helping me. I was over-thinking things again, but I looked at him carefully, and he had a kind expression on his face, one that I hadn't seen before.

Just like that, he came at me, grabbing both sides of my face.

"Are you falling for me now? I saw that look! Oh, you're so cute I could pinch you!" I looked away, irritated, but with him or myself I couldn't say.

He continued looking, saying mischievously "If I remember correctly, finder's fee is 30%."

Wow, so rich and he still wants to collect money from the poor. Tamaki eventually found it. Words couldn't express how relieved I was. When he handed it back, he said, "Why were you so desperate for it? There's not even that much money." He said it as a joke, but I looked away, ashamed.

"Well, I need it for food money and all, you know" I said nonchalantly, like I wasn't on the verge of being evicted, because I could hardly keep up on rent.

"If you ever need financial help, you can talk to me," he said. I think he was being serious, but I chose to brush it off with a joke.

"The day I come to you for help is the day I'm really in trouble." I forced a laugh out of my mouth. He seemed convinced enough, but something made me wonder if he was really an idiot, or if he was an idiot who could be smart sometimes.

As it turned out, Tamaki's number one fan had requested me as her host for the day. I hadn't thought she liked me very much, but well, every costumer helped I supposed. She started making comments about how rude it was to expect Tamaki to fetch my cheap and ugly bag, and how I shouldn't let it lead me to believe he loved me or anything. That's when I clued in. I was a little shocked I hadn't seen it fully; I mean, I would have noticed this right away... well, before. She kept going on about how I was just tagging along with him and such.

"So, in short, you're jealous," I said, with no malice in my voice. I had just finally realized the truth of the matter. And that was okay.

Suddenly, the table was flung aside, and I landed on top of her. She started screaming about how I had attacked her. "Somebody hurt this peasant!" she shrieked. I pulled myself off of her, shocked. So, it really was her who had been playing those pranks on me. As I backed away, Hikaru and Kaoru dumped their tea on her head. It was almost comical, but I felt bad for the girl. She was only in love with Tamaki. Love made you do stupid things.

"Oops, our hands slipped" they said unconvincingly.

Kyouya came up. "Did you think we didn't know?" In his hand, there were pictures of the girl pulling all of the pranks on me.

"It's such a shame," said Tamaki. "You are a pretty girl, but you need to be beautiful on the inside and outside. I'm sorry, but we need to ask you to leave and never come back," Tamaki finished, running his hands through his wet, golden hair. Completely humiliated, she ran out, crying out about 'stupid Tamaki.'

All of the club members were very unimpressed.

"We get those ones every once and a while" claimed Kaoru.

"We don't tolerate the bullying of other host," he said.

I was really surprised. So, they had known I was lying and let me keep up the pretense anyway? This made my stomach clench in worry, and black thoughts started swimming about my mind, as I realized that they could know everything. But…no. They wouldn't act so normal if they really knew everything. I was safe, for the time being.

I looked over at Tamaki, pleasantly surprised by what he had done for me. I stared at him, my eyes wide, with something between shock, and well something else, something warmer. He coughed into his hand, and seemed to blush a little bit when he caught me staring. I must have imagined it, because in the next instant, he was adding one hundred costumers to my quota, for all the damage I had caused today. I took this news silently, and tried to figure out how long that would take me.

Apparently, Tamaki and I hadn't been becoming friends, but then I looked over, and he smiled. It didn't look like one of his 'I'm trying to seduce you' smiles, but it was an endearing one, all the same.

"I have high expectations for you, natural rookie" he said. All I could do was stare. Well, I guess Host Club life is full of ups and downs. But I'm trying to stick to my promise to myself. To remain hidden, hide behind my lies, because eventually, once you stay hidden long enough, you have trouble finding yourself, let alone have other people find you. I didn't want to care about these people, to have them be part of my life. I was becoming dangerously close to having it happen anyway.

I walked to the changing room, so I could get into my work uniform. I had my shirt off, with only my bra on, when Tamaki burst in claiming he had something to tell me. The words died in his mouth as he blushed a scarlet red. I hastily put my shirt on, and came out to meet him. "Haruhi," he began slowly, "are you a girl?"

"Yeah, I am" I said, not really caring if he had seen me with my shirt off. My scar had been facing away from him, so I wasn't too concerned about any discoveries there, and it's not like I had large boobs, by any standards. In fact, they were hardly there. But still, it seemed the rest of the Host Club had known.

Honey said he knew from the start, while Hikaru and Kaoru were laughing that Tamaki had only just noticed because he had walked in on me. Kyouya merely stated that this was an interesting development. It made me think he was only here for the entertainment value.

"I really don't care either way sempai," I said honestly. "I'm not really a feminine kind of girl." Anymore, I added silently. "So I will work hard and pay off my debt just as planned" I said, determined. I fixed a smile on my face, one that really touched my eyes, as I said, "You were really cool earlier sempai. Thank you."

He seemed to be blushing again, but I suppose it was very warm in the room.

"I don't mind being popular with the girls; it's fine" I said.

I didn't want to be a bother, and it's not like dating or anything held any appeal for me. How could you get close to people, when you only hurt them, and they you? I walked off sadly.

I remained steadfast to my promise. I was faking my way through each day. Today, I had even smiled. But, just as soon as I realized that, tears filled my eyes. I started walking away, quickly. I didn't want any of them to see. I wiped my eyes furiously and fled for home, to the safety of my walls. I hadn't started crying in public for a long time. Things were going to go downhill emotionally. And the possibility of that scared me, a lot more than I would have liked to admit. It also made me realize that I had changed. Not for the worse, just different. I would ponder it another time, when it didn't feel like my heart was breaking. I had almost forgotten, but not anymore. I couldn't let myself forget the pain I had caused. I had been so strong for the last week, but I couldn't keep all the memories at bay. I walked home with my head down, the picture of shame.

~~ Kyouya looked down from the window. He had seen the tears Haruhi had not wanted to shed in front of them. In fact, he knew her entire life story. Normally, he was not one to sympathize, but the pain she had gone through was horrible. Every smile she faked was almost convincing, if only her eyes weren't so dead most of the time. It seemed that, whenever she really smiled, it hurt her more than the fake ones. He couldn't tell the other club members. She needed to be able to trust them enough herself. And if it never came to that, well, he would keep her secret. It was not his place to tell. ~~~

So thats chapter 1 I hope you enjoyed! REVIEW, please.