ATTENTION: "Star Wars: The Force Awakens" references


Chapter 1

She saw her own hurt and sadness in the Wookiee's pain and great anger. Chewie's anger, fueled by the unfairness of it all, was immense and overwhelming, the sense of loss that clenched Leia's heart in a vice in a way that made her feel like it would never let go even more so. A part of her had always felt like there was an invisible thread of yearning and missing connecting them even after he walked away and she knew he would not return - - if so, at least not for a long time. A part of her had always hoped, maybe sort of known, that they would find each other again. She had been right. Unfortunately, that finding had been followed by a missing she didn't even know she could overcome. He would not come back this time. Han Solo had been a man of many talents and trades and had surprised her and others and undoubtedly himself on many occasions, but not even he could return from the dead.

A fragile and complex web of connectivity between them broken, like shattered glass that falls from great height, pieces flying in every direction, impossible to put back together remotely properly. A piece of herself pulled away from her, a part complementary to her own, conscious self. Since the second the lightsaber had struck him, it had felt like there were pieces of herself that she would never be able to reach into anymore without him. Han Solo had always pulled the worst and best in her to the surface. It had always been that way and now... wouldn't be anymore.

Her lips pulled together in a tight line as she looked up in the sky, a tear rolling unbidden over her cheek as she tried to hold onto a connection that had formed suddenly and not quite so suddenly at all. Newly founded. Newly rekindled. Had it had to have been rekindled, though, she wondered? Blinking before breathing deeply, she tried to believe, to have faith in her only daughter.

Rey had not been the girl's given name. Wrapping her arms around herself, Leia Organa was reminded of the feel of the man she had loved more than anything embracing her in better times, of her daughter holding onto her and the realization hitting her that one child had found her way back, accidentally driven by fate perhaps. From the first second that she laid eyes on the young girl, she had seen something in her gaze that had reminded her of something. Something she hadn't been able to point her finger on until much later. A glance shared with her lost husband had given her the feeling then and especially now that he, too, had seen it. Maybe they had both known it then already, but they had not dared to speak of it, too little evidence in a feeling shared to hope or to fear for the truth. The longer she thought about it now, the more convinced she was that Han, the father of her only daughter, had known who she was when her unconscious was still putting the pieces together, teasing at the veil covering the truth they had tried to hide.

It had been a hard decision to make, and after the decision had been made, they just hadn't been able to look at each other anymore, despite the fact that they had both known it was the best decision they could have made for the safety of Jaina. Her older brother had been too driven by the knowledge of what he was and could be at a very young age already. There had been a lot of self-doubt and self-blaming from both of his parents when Luke came to them and explained his concerns when he was but four, exposing the fears they had had for half of his lifetime already.

It had only been when Luke came to them the second time, years after that first time and after Ben clearly began to show his rebellious self, reminding of his power-driven grandfather and disappeared, that they had made the decision to provide safety for the rest of their family and decided to place little Jaina in the care of an uncommon folk, just too stupid to connect the pieces, too unkind to have provided the life she deserved, but kind enough to ensure she had nearly all that she needed and made sure that she still had a life to live.

She had known when she let her husband leave with their daughter that day, when he turned back that last time and smiled his crooked smile at her, that he, too, would move on to do what he had to do. She remembered it like the day before: a day marked by bright rays of sunshine but emotionally cast in one of the darkest hours she had ever experienced. She had kept hope somehow, from that point onwards, that he would return, maybe knowledge, but also the knowledge that it needed time, and Leia believed until that day that time healed and broke equally.

It was for a great part Han's departure, too, shortly after Ben decided that he could do better things with his might, that Luke had given up on the force entirely, leaving his sister with nothing but her rebellious self, lonely among many a rebel nonetheless, to fight against the dark side that had stolen her children, the man she loved, and her older brother, her best and most loyal of friends.

They had all gone back to what they were good at. If only they had done what they were best at when they had the chance, before their losses: putting the forces together. She would not be able to turn back time, would not just be able to undo what had been done anymore. The best she could do was rely on the best of Han and the best of her that resided in Rey.