OZ WARS
Character Mix's:
Luke - Dorothy
Obi One Kenobi - Glenda
R2 D2 - Toto
C 3P0 - The Tin Man
Chewbacca - The Cowardly Lion
Han Solo - The Scarecrow
Yoda - The Wizard of Oz
Leah - Leah
Rebels - The Munchkins
The Empire - Witches servants(Flying monkeys…)
Aunt Buru - Auntie Em
Darth Vader - Wicked Witch of the West
The Emperor - Wicked Witch of the East
INT. A PIRATED IMPERIAL SHIP - N/A
Munchkins hold their guns ready towards the entrance. Flying monkeys barge in holding guns. A fight begins. The munchkins get out numbered. A few munchkins hold their hands up to surrender. Flying monkeys grab them.
HEAD MONKEY
Where are the ruby slippers?
HEAD MUNCHKIN
Just follow the blue brick road.
HEAD MONKEY
There is no blue brick road!
MUNCHKIN1
It was worth a try boss.
Darth Vader enters wearing a skirt and witch hat.
DARTH VADER
Search for stray munchkins, and find those slippers!
Some flying monkeys exit. Some flying monkeys search around.
MONKEY1
Sir I found some blue brick road dust!
The HEAD MONKEY shoots MONKEY1. Some flying monkeys enter the stage holding PRINCESS LEAH.
DARTH VADER
Where are the slippers?
LEAH
The republic will be angry when they hear you attacked an imperial ship!
DARTH VADER
The empire didn't hire munchkins!
MUNCHKIN1
They hired my grandma!
MONKEY2 shoots MUNCHKIN1.
DARTH VADER
Take her to the castle.
Some flying monkeys exit with Leah. MONKEY3 enters.
MONKEY3
A rebel ship has landed in Kansas!
DARTH VADER
Search Kansas, and get those slippers!
MONKEY2 notices some blue dust.
MONKEY2
Ooo! Ooo! Some blue road dust!
Head Monkey shoots Monkey2.
EXT. KANSAS IN FRONT OF LUKE'S HOUSE - DAY
LUKE is petting R2D2. AUNTIE EM is sitting in a chair. Miss Gulch enters looking cross.
MS. GULCH
That droid, zapped my cat this morning! I will pay you fifteen hundred if you melt it down.
R2D2 Beeps with fear.
LUKE
Oh! Auntie Em! Don't let her take R2D2 away!
AUNTIE EM
Luke. Fifteen hundred is worth six months of farm work!
LUKE
But Auntie Em! She'll melt him down!
MS. GULCH
It down!
AUNTIE EM
Miss Gulch. I'm sure the zap was a malfunction.
MS. GULCH
I'm in charge around here! Now Emily, if you want money, I suggest you cooperate!
LUKE
You have a big nose Gulch!
Miss Gulch gets angry.
AUNTIE EM
Luke!
Auntie Em scolds Luke. She then addresses Ms. Gulch.
AUNTIE EM
Miss Gulch. I don't want to cause more trouble so I'll make the trade.
LUKE
No! You know I have no self esteem! R2D2 Is the only friend I have!
Luke abruptly exits.
MS. GULCH
Where is he going?
AUNTIE EM
To play munchkins verses monkeys.
EXT. KANSAS IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE - DAY
Luke stands with R2D2
LUKE
R2D2, we're running away to Oz. We'll find a way to get rid of Gulch there.
R2D2 beeps with panic.
LUKE
What? A tornado! R2, we've got to find shelter fast!
Luke and R2 jump inside a cardboard box.
EXT. MUNCHKIN LAND - DAY
Luke gets out of the box looking disoriented.
LUKE
That was awesome!
The munchkins point guns at them.
LUKE
Um... hi?
MUNCHKIN MAYOR
You were supposed to destroy her! But you only had a card board box! She got away!
LUKE
Who?
MUNCHKIN MAYOR
The Wicked Witch of the East!
LUKE
Cardboard was all I found though!
Obi One Kenobi enters dressed like Glenda.
OBI ONE KENOBI
I'm Obi One Kenobi. The good witch of the north.
LUKE
Obi One can you please get me out of this? I just wanted to come to Oz and find a way to kill Gulch!
OBI ONE KENOBI
Just follow the Yellow brick road.
Luke looks up at the sky where a massive yellow brick road is.
LUKE
You mean that one all the way up there? Are you sure it's not the blue brick road over there?
OBI ONE KENOBI
That's only 2 feet long! You need to find the wizard of Oz in the emerald city. It's only a 55 billion mile walk.
LUKE
55 billion?
OBI ONE KENOBI
Just go! Oh and take these.
Munchkins put ruby slippers on Luke.
LUKE
What do you take me for?
Luke tries to take them off without success.
LUKE
Jerks!
Luke exits looking determined.
EXT. ON THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD - DAY
Luke and R2D2 walk up to The SCARE CROW/HAN SOLO
LUKE
Hey you there! Wanna come to the emerald city with me?
Han doesn't answer.
LUKE
Hello?
HAN
Can't you see that I'm a Scare crow? I can't talk! I have no brain!
LUKE
Oh right! Bye.
Luke starts leaving. Han follows.
HAN
I'll follow, maybe the wizard will give me a brain.
EXT. FURTHER ALONG THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD - DAY
Luke and Han are exhausted.
LUKE
One billion... Just a lot more to go...
HAN
Listen…
TIN MAN
Help!
LUKE
Some one's in danger!
They find The TIN MAN/C3P0. He's frozen in place.
HAN
He needs to be oiled!
Luke takes a bottle out of R2 and sprays The Tin Man way, way more than necessary.
LUKE
Ok. Bye.
TIN MAN
Wait! Where are you going?
LUKE
The Wizard.
TIN MAN
But that's approximately 54 billion miles away!
Luke and Han exit.
TIN MAN
Hey! Wait for me!
The Tin Man rushes after them.
EXT. FOREST - DAY
Chewbacca enters and grabs R2. Luke turns around and slaps Chewbacca on the face. Chewbacca cries.
TIN MAN
What a coward.
The Tin Man spots a spider on his foot.
TIN MAN
Ahh! A spider!
The tin man is acting like a maniac trying to get the spider off. Luke walks up to Chewbacca and takes back R2.
HAN
Hey Chewy!
LUKE
You know him?
Han and Chewy slap each other on the backs.
HAN
Were old pals. Hey chewy we're going to the emerald city, wanna come?
Chewy makes happy noises. Chewy/Luke/Han exit. The Tin Man finally gets the spider off and runs after them.
EXT. MEADOW OF POPPIES - DAY
Scary music is playing.
LUKE
Stand back! There's evil here.
HAN
How do you know?
LUKE
The music.
Darth Vader enters.
LUKE
You're my favorite action figure! Can I have an autograph?
DARTH VADER
Make it quick I need to take you to the castle.
LUKE
Okay!
Luke brings Darth Vader a piece of Vader signs it and hands it back to Luke.
Luke and Darth Vader light saber duel until Luke has to yield. There is a very long silence.
LUKE
Um Gorge… Say you're line.
DARTH VADER
Right!
Darth Vader clears throat.
DARTH VADER
Luke I am you mother!
LUKE
No! Wait… You're a girl?
DARTH VADER
DUH!
A stampede of munchkins attack Darth Vader who runs and exits.
HAN
Luke, you've got one ugly mother.
LUKE
Yeah.
EXT. EMERALD CITY GATES - DAY
The four enter, and knock on the door. It opens.
GUARD
GO away!
Chewy lifts up Luke and show's the slippers.
GUARD
The wizard will be with you in a moment.
The guard exits.
TIN MAN
I wish I had those shoes.
Chewy, Han, and Luke stare at The Tin Man as if he's crazy.
INT. THE WIZARD'S CHAMBER - DAY
The Four enter. The WIZARD OF OZ/YODA is talking on a cellphone.
YODA
Yeah, she broke up with me. I'm busy tonight too, I'm doing a shoot.
Yoda looks at The Four and jumps in shock.
YODA
Got to go! Bye.
Yoda hangs up.
LUKE
I need to kill some one!
HAN
I need a brain!
Chewy makes noise.
HAN
He says he needs courage.
TIN MAN
And I need a some new circuits.
YODA
I'll give you those if… You kill Darth Vader and the Wicked witch of the East.
LUKE
WHAT! I can't kill my own mother!
YODA
They're girls? Um, just go and do it!
TIN MAN
Why me?
INT. THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST'S CHAMBER - DAY
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
Vader! Bring Luke here! Then we will turn him to the Dark side and take his slippers!
DARTH VADER
But I have a headache mom!
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
Just go!
DARTH VADER
Fine! Be like that!
Darth Vader exits abruptly.
EXT. CASTLE - NIGHT
The Four enter a lunch line of flying monkeys. They go up to a MONKEY LUNCH LADY who stops them.
MONKEY LUNCH LADY
You don't look like monkeys to me!
The Four look at each other and start acting like monkeys.
MONKEY LUNCH LADY
Okay, take your bananas and go.
The Four take their bananas and go some distance, then they all stop acting like monkeys except Chewy.
HAN
Uh, Chewy?
Chewy stops and they all exit.
INT. OUTSIDE A BIG DOOR - NIGHT
LUKE
This is it.
HAN
You go first.
LUKE
ME? Why can't you go?
HAN
You started this.
LUKE
You come in with me then.
INT. THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST'S CHAMBER - NIGHT
DARTH VADER
I couldn't find him mother. He's coming in though.
There is knocking.
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
Come in Luke.
Luke and Han enter. Luke and Darth Vader light saber duel.
DARTH VADER
Do you hate me yet?
LUKE
No.
DARTH VADER
Now?
LUKE
No.
DARTH VADER
How about now?
LUKE
NO! For the last time!
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
He's a sissy!
DARTH VADER
Face it, you'll never turn to the dark side.
LUKE
Figures.
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
Kill him and get the slippers!
LUKE
You're going to kill me? Wait! If I join the dark side will you still kill me for the slippers?
DARTH VADER
Sissy's are weak; and I want to wear those slippers tomorrow for my birthday.
LUKE
They aren't magical?
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
Of course not!
Luke and Darth Vader duel until Luke cuts off Darth Vader's hand.
Luke runs up to The Wicked Witch of the East and heels her toe.
The Wicked Witch of the East cries out in pain.
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
I'm melting! I'm melting! What a world! What a life!
The Wicked Witch of the East doesn't melt at all.
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
Oh.
DARTH VADER
Mom, this isn't worth having red slippers for my birthday.
WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST
Go you fools!
Luke picks up a piece of concrete. Han and Luke exit.
LEAH
HEY! What about me?
INT. THE WIZARDS CHAMBER - DAY
LUKE
We brought you back some concrete from the castle.
YODA
CONCRETE? That could have come from anywhere!
LUKE
But...
YODA
Fine, I'll give you what you want if you give me a cookie.
Chewy is eating cookies.
HAN
Chewy, give him you're last one.
Chewy shakes his head vigorously.
HAN
Do you want to be a coward the rest of your life?
Chewy shrugs and hands Yoda his cookie.
YODA
Thank you much.
Yoda waves his hand.
EXT. KANSAS IN FRONT OF LUKE'S HOUSE - DAY
Luke and Auntie Em are roasting Ms. Gulch over a fire.
AUNTIE EM
Don't ever run away like that again!
LUKE
I can't anyways. I have to where these high heals for the rest of my life!
AUNTIE EM
They actually don't look half bad on you.
R2 makes laughing beeps.
LUKE
I'm turning GAY!
