'Izzie, please', I know that I'm begging but I need her to hear this.

"Try to understand, I can't stay here anymore. I don't want to."

"So you don't want to stay with me? Is that what you're saying?" Her voice quivers while she speaks. I don't know whether it's because she's angry at me or because she's sad.

"No, I … Goddamn. Would you listen. I've never been good with words so listen until I'm finished, okay?"

She shoots me a glare before she sighs and nods at me.

I take a deep breath and think about how I am going to explain this to her. Why I made this choice that's going to change my whole life. And if I am being honest I know it's going to change hers as well.

"My whole life I've felt as if I didn't fit in but I just ignored it and tried my best you know?"

"George, you know that isn't… " I knew it wouldn't take long before she'd interrupt.

"No Izzie!" She's surprised by the determination in my eyes, I cant tell.

I soften my expression.

"just listen", I whisper hoarsely.

"So I tried my best and just did what seemed right. And I love being a doctor but this hospital isn't where I should be anymore. I've made a mess out of my life and I've dragged other people into this, innocent people."

I see the guilt appear on her face and I know that she's thinking about the enormous mistake that we both made. One that I'll never be able take back.

"And I want to be an honorable man, I want to be able to believe in myself. I want to look in the mirror and see a good man. And I'm not seeing him anymore." I stop my ramblings and take a deep breath.

"I want to mean something and I feel that if I go to wherever they are sending me I'll be able to be the man that my father wanted me to be."

I feel the familiar sting in my eyes that comes when I talk about him. He was the one I looked up to and I need to know that he can be proud of me.

She must see the tears because I see her soften. Her mouth relaxes and the wrinkles on her forehead disappear.

"You mean something to me, George. I am proud of you."

I can see that she believes it but it's a false truth.

"Why are you proud of me? I failed my exam, I live in a shithole and I keep hurting people. "

"You're George. " she says that as if it means something. As if my name represents something good.

"I can't just be George anymore, it has to mean something. And maybe I'll always be George for some people but I need to be more for myself, you know?" I know I'm not making a lot of sense.

Izzie nods and I know she understands.

"I am so happy for you, you know? I don't think I've told you that yet. Alex", I swallow hard, "he's a really good guy and he loves you. "

"I know", she whispers and there's a twinkle in her eye and I know she's thinking of him.

"A-and he deserves a good wife, one that stands by him and someone that doesn't run. Because there have been too much people in his life who have abandoned him." I don't even believe I'm saying all of this.

"I'm gonna do my best. I married him for a reason. Something that I hadn't found with anyone else."

My shoulders tense and I swallow hard because those words hurt. I loved her, I still do. But I've always known that I wouldn't be the one for her.

She's magnificent. She glows. And I'm glad I got to live in her warmth for awhile but I always knew that it would't be forever. George and Izzie weren't forever.

I walk up to her and I kiss her cheek. I linger a little too long and I whisper to words that I need to say before I leave.

"I love you."

And as I walk out the door my shoulders relax. And I know that this is my chance to move on.