Author: majinga
Story Title: Mr. Congeniality
Fandom: Bleach
Credits: I would like to thank three people for making the publish of this story possible. For the plot and story, snowprince808 (the story is our brainchild)... for the grammatical corrections,added pun and what-have-you's, Inutori and charz. the. manga. alchemist . Without these three, all ideas could have gone to waste.
A/N: 1. I'm nothing but a lowly Bleach fan who thought of borrowing Tite Kubo's creations without any permission
2. The one you're about to read is a Humor fic. Romance is merely a side-dish to this full-course meal.
3. pairings... hmmm.... GinxRan was indicated but there are still others... I won't tell you who they are... just read on to find out...
4. I hereby end my rambling and bid ye all to ENJOY!
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CHAPTER 1
They were simply bored. On a warm afternoon like this, who wouldn't be? None of the captains were listening as the Captain-Commander discussed the latest mandate received from Central 46 and what future plans and actions would be. All present had unrelated things clouding their minds. Not that it mattered, since listening and taking notes was their lieutenants' jobs anyway.
Soi Fong was thinking of other ways to improve Suzumebachi so that she could finally defeat her master.
Gin Ichimaru was counting in his head how many trays of persimmon he left out in the orchard to dry.
Retsu Unohana had perfected sleeping with her eyes wide open, and seemingly attentive to onlookers, so that she could peacefully enjoy her beauty sleep.
Sousuke Aizen, mentally debating whom among the arrancars could he use for his reverse experiment (shinigami-fication), was humming Musetta's Waltz.
The Calligraphy Club Meeting and Shinigami Women's Association Meeting were being held simultaneously later on, leaving Byakuya Kuchiki trying to determine how he could be in two places at once. Foregoing either meeting was inexcusable, despite his obvious lack of certain Women's Association membership qualifications; it was his duty to attend when Rukia could not.
It was a hard choice Sajin Komamura mulled over during the captain's meeting: what leash would better suit his gigai. Brightly colored? Or perhaps diamond studded? There were just so many possibilities.
Shunsui Kyoraku dreams were occupied by a certain captain who was also catching some shut-eye, though in a much less obvious manner than he could manage.
On his last trip to the real world, Kaname Tousen had bought another pair of Ray-Ban shades, and he was trying to recall where he left them.
Toushirou Hitsugaya grumbled quietly under his breath as he tried to decide which of the ten growth vitamins he ordered should he take first.
Kenpachi Zaraki was grinning to himself as his inner mind theatre entertained him. A scene of him simultaneously battling and defeating both Byakuya and Ichigo played in his head over and over again.
With the captain commander rambling as he was, Mayuri Kurotsuchi focused narrow eyes on the old man and analyzed how much of his latest silencing drug should be used. He also couldn't help but calculate how long said dosage was going to be affective.
Juushirou Ukitake tried to remember where he had moved his stash of sweets and junk food to avoid discovery when Kiyone and Sentarou raided his room.
Had the captain commander not noticed the inattentive squad captains, the meeting may have ended without a hitch. The problem was that Genyuusai Yamamoto was well aware of everything happening around him: he knew that the captains weren't paying attention. All were physically present, to be certain, but mentally they were without a doubt absent.
The captain's were snapped out of their own worlds when the old man slammed his staff on the wooden floor with a thunderous explosion. "Has anyone one of you heard a word I was saying?" he asked forcefully, regarding each of the guilty-looking captains in turn. They all looked down to the floor as soon as their commander's eyes met theirs.
Nanao Ise, the lieutenant of the seventh division, cleared her throat to draw all eyes her direction and spoke up, "May I answer on behalf of my captain, Sotaichou?"
He just stared at her for a moment before nodding.
"As you were saying, the Soul Society needs someone to be a model we can all look up to, preferably a male shinigami, who can also be the image of the Gotei thirteen. He should be superior in all aspects; smart, good-looking, skilful, and have a special talent. Aside from those, he should be good in dealing with people. He should also be hardworking and dedicated to his job.
"The chosen shinigami will promote peace, discipline, and tolerance throughout the Soul Society. It will be his duty to strengthen ties and relations with our allies while also willingly offer to open peace-talks with rebels and our enemies."
With the exception of Yamamoto, all of the captains' mouths fell open in astonishment, still trying to assimilate what they just heard. Heads eventually turned to Byakuya, their expectant looks drilling into him. Of all the male shinigamis, he's the one who stood out as possessing all of the qualities the Commander-Captain was looking for.
"I do not associate with people unnecessarily," he reminded the group sharply. Faces around the room fell; he was right, as was usual for him. The sixth division captain was known for his haughty and condescending behaviors. A man like him would have a hard time gaining the trust or support of the general public and likely even be killed (or at least someone would attempt to kill him) for his being aristocratic.
Byakuya nixed off the list of prospects, they all turned to the fifth division captain. "How about you, Aizen-taichou? Would you accept the position?" He was what people would call muy-simpatico with his gentle, fatherly aura; it made people who didn't know better trust him completely and unconditionally.
The man thought on the prospect for a while, weighing it against his own devices. If he took this job then he would have less time to spend on his research and delay his timetable. "Forgive me, sotaichou, but I have more work than I can handle right now." He would not waste time he didn't have to.
Their faces fell once more. Two captains had already declined the job. All of them tried to think hard of another perfect candidate. Ukitake was sickly, Kyoraku just loved to lay on his back drinking booze all day, and Komamura's inhuman nature could potentially scare citizens despite his kind and gentle manner.
Everyone glanced at Gin, who just stood silently, smiling so broadly that his eyes were almost shut in rainbow-like shapes (as usual). With his looks and skills, he could be a good candidate…if only he didn't smile so uncannily. There was something eerie about his smile which put people on edge around him. So considering that, he was already out of the question.
Soi Fon spoke up. "With all due respect, sotaichou, I suggest that we hold a contest for this, like a search for someone worthy of the position." Under her breath she added, "Since we couldn't think of anyone..."
Refreshed from her nap (which ended when Yamamoto had his cane-stomping fit), Unohana joined in cheerfully, "Yes, I agree. It could be a pageant wherein candidates would showcase their wit, talent, and good looks."
Murmurs rippled through those gathered, anticipation building as the idea of a contest saturated their minds.
"Since we're looking for someone who'll represent our ideal person, then it should be democratic. Anyone from the thirteen squads can nominate and vote for whoever they want." Tousen suggested when the Captain-Commander didn't immediately disregard the possibility of a contest.
Yamamoto thought for a while. "Hmmm….That sounds good. Perhaps, to encourage participation, we can afford to give out some sort of prize to the winner and his squad. He will be given the title…Mr. Congeniality.
"I shall assign the planning to all high-ranking female officers now present. Project proposals for this contest need to be on my desk tomorrow by noon."
"Hai!" The females chorused loudly, their eyes glinting mischievously. Ideas bounced frantically around in their heads as to what the contest was going to look like. This was their opportunity, as all silently acknowledged, to strike back at those male officers who too often looked down on them.
"As for the men…participation is mandatory for all nominated candidates, so prepare now. This will be by popular choice, and none of you can refuse the title if you are elected."
* * *
Shortly after the officers' meeting concluded, the women gathered in an empty room to discuss their new project. Several had already shared ideas about the contest and had quickly discovered just how much work they were in for.
"This is too troublesome," Rangiku Matsumoto complained loudly while adjusting her robes. "That damned snooty noble should have accepted the job and spared everyone the trouble."
"I'm sure he has his reasons…" Unohana tentatively reasoned.
"He's really handsome, talented, and already has a following. Good chance he'll win the competition hands down…" Nemu told everyone. Her expression took on a wistful touch, looking past the other girls.
"Ano…aren't you already dating that Quincy Boy?" Isane asked, mildly confused by the contradiction that was plainly evident.
"It's not right to pry, Isane," the fourth captain reprimanded.
"It's also not right to notice other men when you've already got one, Kurotsuchi-fukutaichou." Both girls just blushed.
"Why didn't sotaichou offer the spot to Ken-chan? He's as nice and twice as good as Byakun," Yachiru voiced her wonder aloud, apparently still mystified by the matter.
Before anybody could react or say something to rebut Yachiru's statement, Soi Fong called the meeting to order. "Look, I still have mountains of work to do today, so let's just start planning and get this over with quickly." She started scribbling on the white board and shaking the others for suggestions (of the feasible variety, as Yachiru's death-match suggestions were unanimously vetoed).
* * *
By the following week, the announcement for the contest was already out. There were advertisements in the latest issue of Seireitei Weekly and posters scattered everywhere which read:
Search for Mr. Congeniality
Open to All Male Shinigami
Register All Nominations Outside 1st Division Headquarters
Prizes:
1,000,000 yen (tax-free)
10-Day All Expense Paid Trip to Hawaii, Gigai Included (with 4 other friends)
One Month Unlimited Spa & Massage (for whole squad)
All-Night Party, including food, beverage, & entertainment (for whole squad)
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A/A/N (added author's notes):
whew! that concludes the first chapter... no lovey-dovey ginxran moments yet... allow the story to develop and you'll see....
now, kindly click the button below and tell me what you think. ^___^
