-1There, I stood, effortlessly and calmly. I couldn't make out when was when, and where was where, but I knew that I was someplace I needed to be - someplace that I knew I have seen before in my dreams.
Am I dreaming? If I have seen such a place in my dreams, then surely, I must be dreaming. Where I was, wherever it was, was covered in white. It was like a white fog, encompassing the whole place where I stood. This 'fog' was so thick, that when I tried to look at my hands, I couldn't see exactly where they were - but I could feel them. By feeling the movements in my body and my muscles, I could tell that I was holding my hands in front of my face…not directly, but more like stretching them out where I could see the back of my hands; although, I couldn't see them, I could only feel that they were there.
I didn't feel like moving from where I was. I felt comfortable right where I was standing. I could only think of thoughts that were clouding my mind…but only in question. Only could I remember things in this, 'place', by only questioning them.
"Where was I before I came here?" Oh, yes, I remember now. I was taking a train. I wanted to take a trip, so I decided to take a train. I don't know why, exactly, I wanted to take a trip, but for some reason I really wanted to. See, generally, once I start to ask a question to myself, I begin to ask a series of questions, following that, but only related to it.
"Where was I planning on going, on said trip?" Someone told me something about this place. It was a small town, out on the countryside, but it was still inhabited, and lively, by residents who decided to live there. There's a school, a marketplace, a mall…but, that was all I could remember about it.
"What was the name of this place I decided to go to?" Inaba. A distinct name I could not forget. There was something really important I wanted to do there…the whole reason why I decided to take this trip out to this countryside village, that is called Inaba.
"What was my reason, to take a trip to Inaba?" It was to find somebody. No, I don't think it was anybody in particular, but to find someone, whom I could be with. Maybe not forever, but…just someone I could be with. To love.
I am a teenage male. I'm not sure what my age is. I am also not sure about my name.
So, I guess I figured it out now. I came on a trip, to a small town called "Inaba" so I could find a love. Someone, anyone to love. Not that I don't think that I can't be loved, or that I think that nobody loves me but…I just feel that, I can find someone here. The relationship that I am hoping to have doesn't have to last, I am just hoping that I can find someone to love me as much as I love them.
He's the victim. He's the one that's been taking everything away from me. He doesn't know that I'm out to get him. To get revenge for what he's done. He's so perfect. He makes me sick. Nobody like him should exist.
I am still standing here, in this empty cloud. Instead of asking myself questions, all I can do is think of her. I can here her calling my name from the back of my mind. She's so sweet, and shy. She has this boy-ish nature about her. I loved her first. I had hoped she would love me back, but, my hopes had soon faded away. I can't seem to remember why though. Maybe it's because it never made any sense to me - why she rejected me.
I can now hear footsteps coming closer to me. I could tell by the way the shoes would clack and stomp on the floor - echoing throughout this place I was in. Whoever it was that was coming closer to me, the sound had stopped.
I heard a voice. It sounded sweet. Sounded like a girl. All I could do was listen to her words:
"I met you. You came here so unexpectedly. I had no idea that I could be so special to you…" her voice quietly echoing on the silent whispers that were carried by a wind. A wind that I could somehow feel, coming from below my feet and rising up to my face. It was gentle and soothing.
The girl's voice paused as if she was thinking of something else to say. Then after I heard those echoing footsteps come closer to me again, the sound stopped, and the girl continued to speak.
"…I was surprised by your motives to love me…I had a hard time trying to figure out if your intentions were good and promising…" the voice once again stopped. The wind, rising from my feet, got a little stronger. It felt a bit colder now.
"….you looked and sounded as though you needed to be with me…I mean, why me? I'm just a stupid, controlling girl, who's more man than some guys I know…but…you convinced me enough to let me know that, what I am, what anyone is, doesn't matter to you, as long as you love them…" I could feel the wind getting stronger. It was quite cold. As cold as waking up early on a Spring morning and going outside for a walk.
"…you seemed like a really nice guy…but…you know we can only be friends…maybe even best friends…" Not only now could I feel the wind beneath my feet getting more intense, but I could feel an anger swelling up inside of me. As though I had put it in an empty pot, covered the lid and let this emotion heat up and boil.
The girl stepped closer to me. I could barely see her figure now. She looked slim, average height. She was wearing a jacket. Something that looked green. I couldn't tell what else she was wearing from the waist down though.
I continued to feel the anger swelling up inside of me. Why? I can't make it out but…why? Why am I getting so angry? Do I know this girl? She claims to know me. The more she talks to me the more angry I get.
At the same time that I was thinking of these questions in my head, I began to remember things.
"Do I know this girl?" Yes. Green jacket, skirt, with black shorts underneath, tube socks, and shoes. She had very short hair - brown hair. She went to this school…I can't remember the name of it. Her name is…Chie Satonaka. I fell in love with her. She rejected my love though.
"Why am I getting so angry?" It's because of him. He's the reason. He's the one. I…refuse to think about him. But the more this girl, Chie, keeps talking to me, the more I can't seem to forget about him.
What is this place? Why am I here? Is the only purpose of this place is to torture me? I can't help but feel that this place isn't real. It's too much a dream. It's too much a nightmare. It's almost like I'm reliving my past.
But somehow, this place does seem familiar. Why? How do I know this place? Even though with asking myself these questions, I can't seem to come up with any answers.
Chie, barely visible, steps closer to me. I can see her clearly now. She looks like she is smiling, but there are tears running down her face. Why? I don't understand the meaning of this. Am I supposed to learn something from this? As I was busy being frustrated, pondering about what exactly is going on, Chie opens her mouth to speak again.
"…you know I am already taken…you know I can't leave him…he was there for me first…" Chie steps closer to me. I can feel the wind from beneath my feet getting very strong. I can almost feel as though I'm being lifted off of the ground.
I don't know what else to do at this point. Even though I feel very built up with anger and frustration, I decide to speak out and express my words to Chie.
"Chie…" I speak slowly, trying not to let my emotions take control of me, "…why does it have to be like this? Why him?"
As I am being slowly lifted into the air by the gushing wind, Chie looks up at me and speaks.
"Because I love him…" Chie's face begins to turn red.
"Love him?" I exclaim, "But do you think he loves you back?"
"I…I'm pretty sure he does…" Chie stuttered.
"Pretty sure?" I say, releasing my inner anger, as I am being forced up into the air further by the wind, "I don't think you sound pretty sure about yourself…could it be because he does not only love you, but others too?" I reach my hand out and grab Chie's jacket to prevent me from further ascending into the air. Though, I still can't see my hand - they are still invisible to me…but why is it that I can see Chie?
"…well…that doesn't matter to me…as long as he loves me…" Chie turns her head and looks away from me.
"Well, why does it not matter? Why does it not bother you that he is seeing other girls?" I shout at her.
"Because we…because we have an unbreakable bond…he helped me grow stronger, he made me realize my true self…he was always there for me…" Chie turned her head back to look at me.
"But…this can't be…is there nothing I can do…to show you that I will only love you, and nobody else? I mean, I know that he's done all this stuff for you but…I just can't seem to figure out…" I was stuttering. I couldn't find the right words to express myself anymore. I was lost in a wave of confusion and apathy. I could care less about the guy who had wooed all these girls. It seemed that the only reason I hated him so much was the fact that he had all the girls to himself. Not a single one of them ever wanted to leave him. I don't care about all these nice things he has done for them. Don't they all realize what he's doing? He's cheating on all of them simultaneously! Just because of some "unbreakable bond" they refuse to leave him?
Chie looked at me with her pure eyes. She wiped away the tears on her face. She grabbed my hand…the one that was clinging to her jacket.
"W-what are you doing?" I stammered.
Chie took my hand off of her jacket and held it in her soft, porcelain hands.
She smiled one last smile before she let go of my hand.
The wind became so intense, that I was being thrusted up into the air, far, far away from Chie, until I couldn't see her anymore.
But…
One thing I could swear I had heard her say, before she let go of my hand was,
"I'm sorry"
My surroundings became blacker. I could feel myself losing consciousness. Everything was becoming a blur. I felt…somewhat relaxed, almost tired. My negative emotions had faded away before I even realized it.
I awoke.
I was laying on the hard concrete. I lifted my body off of the ground and surveyed my surroundings. I was at the shrine. Was I still in Inaba? Somehow I knew that I was. A peculiar fox that lives at the shrine is always there, at the offerings box. I looked at him and I stepped closer to pet him on his head. I knew he was friendly.
As I reached out my hand to pet the fox, I realized that I could see my hands again. Good. I'm awake now. I'm glad.
It's still night time though. I should probably find a more suitable place to stay for the night.
