My Dearest LuAnna,
I hope this letter finds you well. It has been months since I have last seen you. While I may not have left on good terms, my feelings for you have never changed. My love for you is everlasting and continues to grow with each second that goes by. The words that I shared with you the night before my departure were not a true representation of my character. I will be the first to admit that I should have told you about the Gulf War farther in advance. If I had, would that have stopped the argument?
I do not want you to think that I choose the service over you. "Ben, will it be me or the service?" I can still hear the genuine disappointment and heartbreak in your voice. It replays in my head every night before I pray that I will be able to return home, alive. Deep down you know that I never wanted to leave you back on Smith Island as I ventured off on a quest thousands of miles away.
I had to take this chance LuAnna. I needed to patch the hole in my heart left by my father. I needed to experience the same conditions that he endured. Did they make him crazy? Did they turn him into a blood thirsty monster who would abandon the life he once had? I would never have received the answers to these questions without seeing it first-hand.
I believe that my father was not the monster that I viewed him as. The war. It can change a person very fast. You have to be a special kind of person to serve time and come out the same way you came in. I have seen things that I could never imagine. Heard noises that should not occur. Smelt the potent aroma of decaying flesh and horrible body odor. Felt the fear and anger that should not exist amongst the human species.
I am doing this for you. For us. When I leave here and I promise you I will be a changed man. I will finally have repaired my heart. I believe I will know exactly why my father acted the way he did. Once my heart is whole once more, I will be able to give it to you. I will have closed a chapter in my life allowing us to begin ours. There will be no more secrets. I will resume my position amongst the folks of Smith Island. Every morning the engine of Miss Dotsy will roar. Ellis and I will have the best oyster season to date.
Best of all, you and I will be together. I long to be home with you and feel your warm embrace. To console you in your times of need. To hold you and love you with every fiber of my being.
I have to go now. Duty calls. I ask that you please find the strength to write me back. I need to hear from you and know that you are doing well. I cannot live without you LuAnna.
Forever yours,
Ben
