Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.
Everyone says that you will always remember your first love no matter what, and guess what? They're right. For five years, my life revolved around Edward Cullen. He was the most beaeutiful guy I've ever seen, but that's not what made me swoon over him. It was his gentleman-like gestures. While we were together, we were inseperable, but I guess our love for each other wasn't strong enough to keep us together for that long. I guess we just got tired of each other.
"Bella? Earth to Bella," my best friend said as she tried to get my attention by waving her hand in front of me.
"Sorry Alice," I said as I finally got ahold of myself. I feel angry at myself for ever letting our break up affect my friendship with Alice. It's like I'm punishing her for something she didn't do.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Alice asked. This is why I love her so much. She's always there when I need someone to talk to, and she would always listen to everything I have to say.
"I know Alice, I still love him, but I can't just say that to him. He has a girlfriend now. I can't just walk up to him and say, 'Hi Edward. Guess what? I still have feelings for you,'" I said, feeling like I was being stabbed in my heart numerous times. Yes, unfortunately, Edward had gotten over me that quickly because he now has a new girlfriend, Tanya. Compare to Tanya, I'm worth nothing. Tanya has this beauty that has every guy in the school drooling over her, and what do I have? A pale skin accompanied by my clumsiness.
"Bella, you're never going to get over him. Of course you won't. He was your first lover after all, but you have to try. You have to get your feelings out," Alice said.
"How am I supposed to do that?" I asked her.
"I don't know, but you'll figure it out," Alice said.
"Right," I said hopelessly as the bell for lunch finally rang.
-:-
The rest of the day was pretty much uneventful. I mean, I went straight to work as soon as the last bell rang. Mike Newton asked me out. Again, and I said no. Now, I'm just stuck at home doing homework, which is pretty hard to do, when the face of someone you love keeps popping up in your mind.
"What am I going to do?" I asked myself as I put my head down on my desk, and the weird thing is, is that I almost expected a reponse.
"Well, here's a thought, write a letter, and spill all your feelings out. It will lift the weight off of your shoulder." said a voice in my head, and it kinda makes a pretty good point, so I got my laptop out, and started an e-mail for Edward. Of course, I'm not going to send it, but I hope it works.
This is how it goes:
Dear Edward,
I know that we've broken up for good, and it's fine with me. I really loved you, you know, and I still do. I know that your feelings for me had disapeared, but that doesn't stop me from loving you. You know what they say, 'if you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.' I guess we weren't meant for each other. Anyway, I just want to let you know that it pains me to see you with Tanya everyday. The way you touch her and kiss her. Watching the two of you together is like having a wooden stake driven through my heart. I don't know if I'll be able to survive without you, but I'm going to try. You probably won't care, but I'm just saying. When the time comes, I'll be able to forget you, but our memories together will always be in my heart.
I guess that this is our last goodbye. I hope that you have a happy relationship, and I hope things work out for you and Tanya.
Love
Bella
"I finished the letter. Now what?" I asked myself, and I surprisingly felt much better.
"Delete it," said the voice in my head.
"Works for me." I said out loud. As I was just about to delete the message, my hand twitched, and I clicked on the wrong button. Instead of deleting the message, I accidently sent it.
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I cried out, and tears started to roll down my cheeks.
"I guess fate has something up its sleeves." said the voice in my head, and I wanted it to shut up.
I didn't know what else to do, but to call Alice. She can help. I mean Edward is her older brother after all. After dialing Alice's number, it rang twice, and then Alice answered.
"Hi Bells, what's up?" she asked.
"Alice, I need your help. You have to go to your brother's room, and retrieve an e-mail from his computer. It wasn't meant to be sent, and I don't want him to read it." I said as big fat tears roll down my cheeks.
"What exactly does the e-mail says?" Alice asked.
"It says that I still love him, and that it hurts me when I see him with Tanya everyday. Please Ali, I need your help." I said, and I can hear her walking out of her room.
"Uh-oh." That does not sound good.
"Uh-oh what?" I asked Alice.
"I think he already read it. He's in his room right now, and I think he just punched the wall." Alice said.
"What?! No!!!" I shouted through the phone, but it didn't do anything good. Edward had already read it; I'm not going to be able to show my face to him anymore.
Edward's POV
I was reading the newsletter from school when all of a sudden, I heard my computer make a noise, indicating that I got a new message from someone. I put the letter down, and looked at whom the letter was from. It's from Bella. I mean, I know we've broken up for good, but why would she e-mail me. Well, I'm about to find out. I clicked on the message. I didn't read it at first, but after about a minute of hesitation, I finally got the nerve.
Dear Edward,
I know that we've broken up for good, and it's fine with me. I really loved you, you know, and I still do. I know that your feelings for me had disapeared, but that doesn't stop me from loving you. You know what they say, 'if you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.' I guess we weren't meant for each other. Anyway, I just want to let you know that it pains me to see you with Tanya everyday. The way you touch her and kiss her. Watching the two of you together is like having a wooden stake driven through my heart. I don't know if I'll be able to survive without you, but I'm going to try. You probably won't care, but I'm just saying. When the time comes, I'll be able to forget you, but our memories together will always be in my heart.
I guess that this is our last goodbye. I hope that you have a happy relationship, and I hope things work out for you and Tanya.
Love,
Bella
After reading the message, I can feel tears welling up in my eyes. Bella and I were together for five years, and I guess as time went on, I kinda lost interest in our relationship, and I know she felt it too. Why though? Why would she send this message to me? I didn't know what else to do, but punch the wall. It hurts, but I didn't care.
"Alice!" I called to my sister, and then a second later, she came running throough my bedroom door.
"Did Bella ever tell you that she still has feelings for me?" I asked Alice aggresively.
"No. Why?" she asked, but I think she's lying.
"I just got a message from her. I didn't know. God, I wish-" I started to say, but Alice cut me off. She took a deep breath first before she started talking.
"Edward, that message is not meant for your eyes. Bella only wrote it to vent her feelings out. Yes, Bella still has feelings for you, I know that for sure, and she was willing to let you go because she knew that you didn't feel the same way anymore. When you both broke it off, she would call me every night. She would cry herself to sleep. Whenever she sees you with Tanya, she would start to crying, and you know what's worst? I caught her cutting herself in one of the bathroom stalls at school. Do you know what it's like? It's been hell for the both of us." Alice said as tears roll down her cheeks.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked her.
"Because you have Tanya now. Bella made me promise not to tell you because she doesn't want to ruin whatever you have with Tanya." Alice said, and then left. She left me in my room as tears roll down my cheeks as fast as they could. What do I do now?
Author's Note: Okay so I wrote this along time ago, and I never got the chance to post it. Anyway, I just want to y'all know that I am working the revision of 'Story of a Girl,' and I will probably have the second chapter up tomorrow. Now back to this story, I hope you guys like it, and if you want to know what happens next, you have to demand it. Please read and review.
