Title: My wish
Disclaimer: Any of the characters in this fan fiction do not belong to me. They belong to all-might CLAMP, *worship worship*.
Rating: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.
Summary/spoilers: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'
Warning: Shounen-ai- YukixTouya
Other notes: Redraft of this story, finally got hold of my beta *hugs Yasmin* Thanks girl. ^^ Anyhow enjoy and please read and review! ^^ Author works faster with comments. *bows*
Chapter 1
Let me dream of youTouya…
What happened to our friendship?
Our understanding?
I see in your eyes a stranger only.
Where did I make a mistake?
Touya…
Your majesty…
Let me dream of you.
~*~
Chapter 1
Let me dream of youTouya…
What happened to our friendship?
Our understanding?
I see in your eyes a stranger only.
Where did I make a mistake?
Touya…
Your majesty…
Let me dream of you.
~*~
Yukito, the strongest mage in the country and advisor to King Touya, was bored, if indolence could be blamed on boredom. He felt too lethargic to move; thinking was making his head ache. The feeling was as if one is thinking too hard- so hard that it feels as if your brain being consumed.
Why couldn't he stop feeling this guilt? This guilt was beyond his understanding, he'd thought everything through logically and even now opposing feelings clashed with one another. Yuki could not have helped Sakura by himself- so he sent her to someone who could. What happened beyond that was out of his hands.
Right? Right. His mind said that there was no use in blaming himself for how things had turned out. Not that events had turned so badly in the end. Or was it really the end? Sakura was alive, a little disoriented but she appeared as cheerful as ever. Syaoran was away on an expedition of some sort; the poor boy needed some time to cope with the loss of the Princess.
The mage understood perfectly why Syaoran had chosen to go away for a little while. If Yuki could he would've gone away for a while he would have gone as well. Glancing outside the window of his room, a sigh escaped his pale lips. The story was over, wasn't it? They'd won. The mission had been completed, everyone was happy… weren't they?
That was a rhetorical question that had a bad answer. No one seemed happy lately. Especially not the king; when Sakura returned Yuki saw life return to those haunted eyes. But when those he had turned to look at his advisor, at his best friend, there was something in those haunted eyes that said- You should've been able to help her.
Flinching and looking away, Yukito had bowed to the king and joined the festivities in town. Despite the dancing, the intoxicating music, the advisor found that he could not get lost in the music. But he wasn't the only who appeared miserable on that night of celebration.
Slinking around the corners was Syaoran, with a shadowy smile on his face as his eyes came into contact with Yukito's. Something passed between them and the mage rose to join the boy. With him were the two other men from the dimensions who had helped return Sakura's memories- a wizard from the Celes country, Fye D. Flowright, and a ninja from Japan, Kurogane.
Although their manner was relaxed, sorrow also showed in their eyes. The three of them had been through so many things together… Yuki couldn't even begin to understand how deep their bond was. Well… it seemed to be… like the bond he had once shared with Touya. Before the attack. Before Sakura lost her 'wings'.
"Syaoran…" Yukito said stopping in front of the trio. He tried to smile but failed to do so and instead inclined his head politely, "How are you?" Not the most suitable question, but Yuki didn't know what else he could ask.
Syaoran looked away, shifting uncomfortably, "I'm alright, tired from the trip." That was lie, they all knew that but no one dared say anything. After an awkward pause the boy looked up at Yukito and for one moment a true smile lit his face, "Seeing her… like this… is enough for me."
"Hai…I understand." Yukito looked back at the festivities. Princess Sakura was the star of the spectacle as she danced about, her eyes shimmering under the candlelight. Her clothes flitting one way or the other as she twirled on the dance floor under the watchful eye of her brother.
Casting one quick glance at the king, Yukito seemed to be relived to see Touya's smile. However when he felt the advisor's questioning eyes on him Touya looked up and the smile froze in place. The king was trying to keep it in place, to keep his real thoughts from showing clearly in his face, and if it had been anyone but Yukito they wouldn't have noticed the difference.
But Yuki did. The mage forced himself to return the stiff smile before they both looked away. It was painful. Yukito had not understood how painful it actually felt until now. Perhaps it was Syaoran's sorrow seeping into him, maybe it was just Yuki's paranoia, but for whatever reason the pent-up misery he felt inside threatened to spill out.
'No.' He told himself firmly and cast another awkward look at the group. Fye smiled sympathetically at Yuki as if he knew what was passing through his mind. The four figures stood there for another while in silence, while the music floated in the room and the joyful cries of others hummed about them. But they all seemed so far away. He seemed so far away.
When Syaoran spoke again, it jerked them all back to reality and away from their thoughts. "I was thinking of going away for awhile Yukito, Kuro-chan says he would like to explore more ruins." The boy smiled, but his eyes were empty. Yukito felt sorry for the boy. "There are some here, in the east, so we will be going away for a little while…"
Yuki opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again nodding numbly, "I see…" he said carefully. "But you'll come back right?" Syaoran smiled again- it was that same empty smile.
"Yes-" his lips said. But his eyes said no. "Fye isn't going though," Syaoran continued as if it was nothing, "He thinks he could be of some use here, and besides, he could aid you. Yukito, you need some help here."
The mage was about to reply that he could handle affairs on his own well enough, but stopped nodding. He'd heard that Fye had no wish of returning to his dimension while Kuro-chan wanted nothing more than to go back home. Total opposites. Black and white.
"I was sorta hoping," Syaoran continued, but his eyes seemed so distant. So far away, his heart was so far away. "I was sorta hoping," he repeated, "That you'd teach him things about this place. I'm sure there are a number of spells you guys can trade and stuff."
The surprised expression on Yukito's face vanished in an instant. Syaoran knew. Didn't he? It seemed that he somehow understood the loneliness that haunted Yuki. Sayoran knew, although he wouldn't say it out loud. It was clear because he was prey to the same emptiness. No one should be lonely; no one should have to go through what I went through.
And so here Yuki was- a couple of weeks had passed since Syaoran and Kurogane departed from town and headed towards the ruins in the east- staring out into the night sky. No moon, no stars and a vague feeling of hopelessness.
Fye had settled well enough in the castle; he'd been given a room next to Yukito's and spent his time reading in the library. There were so many things he didn't know. It was like teaching a gifted child. Every task was approached with enthusiasm and curiosity.
In return Fye had taught Yuki about the world which he came from. About his creation called Chi, and his king Ashura- the sleeping king. The wizard was as fascinated about this world as the mage was of his.
The question of why Fye did not wish to return to his dimension went unasked- and unanswered. But Yukito had gotten enough hints to understand that it had something to do with the King- Ashura and the delicate tattoo that decorated Fye's back.
Still, everyday he saw less and less of Touya. Yes, the king would call on him for his advice, but he would summon Fye at the same time. It was as if he was avoiding meeting Yukito on his own and that was beginning to irritate the mage. Had 18 years of friendship meant nothing?
Yukito had no one- no family, nothing. He'd never asked for anything in his life. Touya had been the one who became interested in gaining the mage's friendship… and now… Yukito pursed his lips in deep thought: Never asked for anything in my life… but now I need to ask him, beg him…I don't want him to leave me.
The mage's pride wouldn't allow him to do such a thing. Yuki sighed; I didn't give him my friendship to have it thrown away like this. Especially because of something I don't even know I did… something that is not my fault.
"Who am I kidding…" Yukito finally spoke up, but his only listeners were the walls of his room. He is royalty, and *I* am the servant. Just because he didn't make the distinction before doesn't mean he shouldn't do it now.
Undressing and changing to his nightclothes, Yukito opened the covers to his bed and settled between the rich silk pillows. He had to try and get some sleep; otherwise tomorrow the headache would be worse.
His eyes flickered closed as he shoved his glasses somewhere to the side and snuggled into the blankets. The smell reminded Yukito of Touya- the same perfume the maids used on his clothing. Another sigh and he felt his weariness cave in.
"Touya…" Yukito whispered to the shadows of the room.
Let me dream of you.
End of Chapter 1
Next chapter: Who are you?
