Here's my take on what Shirou's most awkward day ever was like. Keep in mind, I have no idea what life is like in the Clock Tower, so I just went with sort of a university/library vibe. I hope you enjoy!
Shirou's Very Awkward Day
"Oh, Shi~rou!"
I tried to not tremble in terror at the tone of Rin's voice. I knew from experience that a sing-song lilt rarely meant good news. How she managed to make a noise normally associated with cuteness and joy sound like a death sentence was a mystery to me. If I was lucky, she would turn out to be merely pissed off by something, possibly involving Saber or me. She'd yell at me for a while, boss me around for a bit, maybe even give me a punch or a kick, then she'd storm off indignantly with that oh-so-adorable pout of hers on her face.
If I was unlucky, well...let's just say getting kicked in the nuts would be preferable to the teasing that she would unleash upon me.
Taking deep breaths to calm myself, I refused to look up from my book. Looking up would just be playing into her hands. Plus, refusing to look at her while talking to her might increase the chances of her yelling at me, rather than teasing me.
"Yes, Master?" I inquired politely, keeping even the slightest hint of fear out of my voice. I almost never referred to Rin by name while on the Clock Tower campus, and even when I did, I made sure my voice showed only the highest respect toward her. Despite the fact that our relationship as lovers was more or less an open secret, I still strove to keep up appearances that the two of us were nothing more than master and apprentice. It was kind of an unspoken deal: As long as we acted professionally within the Clock Tower itself, the magi would pretend they didn't know about our…"extracurricular activities".
I tried not to shiver as my choice of phrasing brought certain memories of the three of us to the surface of my thoughts. Deep breaths, Shirou, deep breaths.
As my "Master", Rin had a bit more leeway in terms of how she could act toward me around other magi. She called me by name fairly often, though she would switch to "apprentice" in more formal situations. Regardless, I needed to pay attention, lest I accidentally agree to be her half-naked manservant for a week. Again.
"Shirou, why aren't you looking at me while I'm talking to you?" she asked in a falsely innocent voice. It was a tone that promised great suffering if I didn't do what she wanted immediately. Reluctantly, I slowly turned around.
"Well, I was looking up some more runes, seeing if there were any that would work better for my 'project'" — the code word for anything related to my wards, since part of their effectiveness was reliant on them being underestimated, or my Reality Marble — "and I didn't want to lose my place…" I trailed off as I noticed that Rin was hiding something behind her back. I kept myself focused on her face, however, as I knew that whatever she was hiding would be bad news for me. Maybe if I acted like I didn't see anything, she wouldn't bring it up.
"Well, I just wanted to let you know I got you a present!"
Damn it.
I forced a smile onto my face. "Oh really? Did you come all the way here just to tell me that?"
"No, stupid Shirou," she admonished, her patent-pending Rin Tohsaka Scary Smile gracing her features, "I came here to show you."
"Really, you don't have to do this," I said through clenched teeth.
"I know. That's what makes me so nice." That's when she pulled out her surprise from behind her back. "Here you go, what you've always wanted!"
I stared for several seconds. Then, I acted on pure instinct. I knocked the thing out of her hands. That wasn't enough, however. She could simply pick it up again. To get rid of it for sure, I needed to destroy it utterly.
I Traced an ordinary sword. I had no desire to sully the reputation of any of my named blades. I raised it above my head and swung.
"Die, abomination! Die, die, diediediediediediediedie!" Each word was punctuated with a slash of my sword.
"SHIROU!" Rin barked out.
"WHAT?" I snarled, a wild look in my eyes. That's when I realized where I was. I was in one of the Clock Tower's several libraries. I was in a reading area between the rows of books. There were at least 30 magi staring at me.
And I had just destroyed a strap-on with a materialized sword.
…
I was NEVER going to live this down.
