Here you go - re-formatted - now that i figured out how to do it. And it's spread out over 4 chapters so it looks like more... actually i have added to it quite a bit... but don't worry there's more coming.
Ta for all the awesome review - very encouraging!
Disclaimer (suppose this is the norm so there's nothing quite like conformity): go for it, sue me, good luck with that, cuz if you manage to find out who i am and where i live then you'll have spent more money than i have... being a student is great :)
"Hey, they got the right arm," Robert quipped as Lizzie entered his room in recovery.
She just smiled, "How you feeling?"
"What do you expect?"
"Honestly? Flying bed pan aimed here," she tapped the middle of her forehead.
"What would I throw it with?" he asked as she sat down on a chair beside his bed.
"Sorry."
"Na, you're not far off - I almost threw my pillow at the nurse but I figured I probably wouldn't get it back." He smiled at her - trying to keep up the brave face, and she could tell.
"I don't imagine you're the greatest patient she ever had either."
"Oh, you'd know" he said sarcastically, immediately sorry. He met her eyes dreading her response,
"I was there."
"You were?"
"Yeah, you'd just got to sleep when I arrived."
"I thought the ER would have you busy all day."
"They wanted to, but I was with you right through until you started waking up."
"I don't remember."
"Good."
"That bad, huh?" Then his tone changed, "Thank you." She just looked at him, "You're a good surgeon Lizzie."
"I know." She smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
"You sound almost as arrogant as me."
"No, if I were you I'd say I were the best."
"Was." He corrected her.
After a few moments of silence Lizzie continued, "After your operation I went down to the gift shop for a decent cup of coffee and I was flicking through this book and it said 'who you are is more important than what you do,'"
"What else have I got?"
"Only you can answer that Robert." Elizabeth broke his intense eye contact, looking at his exposed shoulder then at her knees.
"What if I can't?" he asked dejectedly.
Lizzie stood up and looked at him, "There's more to you than this." She sat on the side of his bed.
"I wish I had as much faith as you appear to."
"I wish you did too." She squeezed his hand and was going to pull away but he held on.
"Maybe it'll rub off." He paused, lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, "thank you."
Lizzie stood up as he let go of her hand, "I'll come and see you at the end of my shift," she promised as she turned to leave.
* * *
Robert had had his bed turned around and was looking out the window at the city lights and stars when Lizzie entered, "Hi." She said casually.
"Long shift?" He looked over to her, his breath catching in his throat. She nodded in reply and walked toward him. "I think busy is better than bored." He said, "Boredom makes you think too much."
Elizabeth sat on the side of his bed, "And what do you think about?" Lizzie asked.
"I was thinking that I've been a jerk to you as much as anyone else but you're still here - even though your shift ended hours ago and all you probably want to do is go home to your daughter."
"Ella will already be asleep, but other than that you're about right."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I was thinking the very same thing when I was walking here."
"And you didn't turn around?"
Elizabeth smiled and shook her head.
"Thank you."
"You've said that more in the last 2 days than in as long as I've known you." Elizabeth looked at him quizzically.
"Don't get too used to it - the meds will wear off in a day or two."
"I could slip more into your tea." Elizabeth teased
"I might get soft on you." Robert looked out at the city lights.
"Kerry wouldn't know how to react."
"None of them would."
"I would." She replied. After a few breaths of silence, she followed Robert's gaze out the window, "Million dollar view, huh?"
"I hate hospitals." Robert looked back to her.
"Robert, you've worked in them for years."
"Yeah, but being the patient is different."
Elizabeth sort of nodded, "I know."
"No you don't - you had Mark and now you have Ella" he paused and looked back out the window, "my house keeper visited me."
"You have been thinking too much."
"Yah, well the nurses weren't keeping up their end of the conversation." He quipped half-heartedly.
"I'm visiting you." She reached out and took his hand.
Robert lay back on the pillows, looking at the ceiling and blinking back tears. Elizabeth squeezed his hand.
"I don't think I'd still be here if it weren't for you." He choked out.
"The other surgeon wasn't that bad."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know," she squeezed his hand.
"You should go." He choked back the tears. Elizabeth just looked at him. He swallowed and she could see wet trails on his cheeks.
"Lizzie. Go." He demanded through tears.
"I'm not going anywhere." She pulled him to her and hugged him.
"What about Ella?" he resisted but not for long.
"I have a very understanding Nanny."
"Lizzie, you need to sleep." He let his head rest on her shoulder and put his arm around her waist.
"Hey, you're the patient."
"Ironic name, isn't it?" Robert smiled through the tears that he was still trying to blink back. She smiled and rubbed his back, trying to comfort him.
"You don't have to stay, I'll be fine." Robert said, still holding onto her. She kept rubbing his back ignoring what he'd said. "Or you could stay." She slowed down rubbing his back and just held him. "Thank you Lizzie." He whispered, tears choking his voice. He didn't want to cry in front of her but he knew that if she left he'd cry on his own and that would be worse. It didn't look like she was leaving and no matter how many times he swallowed, his throat was just getting sorer and the tears kept coming. He sobbed. The sound brought tears to Elizabeth's eyes. She held him tighter as he continued to cry, his head burrowed into her shoulder. Robert couldn't believe Elizabeth was still there - sitting with him - holding him - while he cried. It was completely beyond him whey she ever even gave him the time of day - the most he'd ever done for her was order her a pizza when she was pregnant. The rest of the time he bombarded her with sarcasm and critical innuendo. He didn't deserve her and yet here she was. Had it been anyone else he would have forced them to leave but he didn't want her to leave - ever. Meanwhile, Elizabeth couldn't believe he was crying - although she'd seen it coming - almost every time she'd spoken to him in the past few weeks she could tell he was close to the edge and every time she'd had to swallow back her own tears. Why was she so affected? What did he have to let her see his struggle and hide it from everyone else? She had a bad feeling she was the only one who cared and she desperately wanted to give him an easy solution but there wasn't one.
"I wish I could do something, Robert," she whispered as he calmed.
"You do Lizzie." He pulled away from her embrace and taking her hand, he looked at it. She put her other hand under his chin and forced him to look at her.
"You'll get past this." She whispered, searching his eyes for any glimmer of hope. None was forthcoming but he held her eyes intensely and swallowed. He looked at her lips, and then quickly looked anywhere else.
"Sorry, Lizzie, momentary weakness - I promised it wouldn't happen again."
"That was me." She pulled her eyes away from him.
"I don't want your pity Lizzie."
"Robert, I treat patients I pity every day, but I don't visit them in the middle of the night when I'm rostered off. I admire you, you won't give up, and you're an amazing doctor. You're more than a colleague, you're a friend - and I care that you're here - alone. And I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't, so I'm just going to be here - in case there is."
"I don't deserve that."
"What you don't deserve is this," she touched his bare shoulder. He flinched and she looked concerned, "does that hurt?"
"No, your hands just cold. It only aches like normal."
"How bad?"
"Eight. Sometimes Nine."
Lizzie looked at him, desperate to help him, "are you cold?"
"A little." He admitted, surprised at his own honesty - although the tough guy image had gone out the window long ago - admitting he needed her help was a big step. Elizabeth got up and went to get a blanket from the warmer. Robert lay there, looking at the city lights. He anticipated her return - half warning himself not to hope on her too much. What if she really didn't just pity him? Did he have a chance? Could she really look at this one-armed gargoyle like that? She had, just minutes before but he'd looked away. It was too much to risk too soon. It wasn't that long ago since Mark died, not even a year. They'd been fighting but he had a feeling that only made his passing more difficult for Lizzie. Was she ready yet for any kind of lasting relationship? He knew he didn't just want a fling with her. He'd loved her for years and he knew that he wouldn't get over her if she left him. But at the same time he so desperately wanted to be with her. He needed her - not only because of his not-so-recent collision with the wrong end of a helicopter but because she gave a damn - even before that. His reverie was broken by its subject. She wrapped the warm blanket around his neck and shoulder and its warmth relaxed his muscles.
"Better?"
He nodded, half smiling at her. She wanted so much to comfort him. She suddenly wanted to tell him she loved him. Was this just pity? He was so miserable and alone - he needed someone but did she really want to be that person - or was she just concerned, as a friend, and wanted him to have someone with him because she knew he shouldn't be alone.
"Lizzie," he intruded into her thoughts, "what time do you start tomorrow?"
"Um, nine," she tried to stifle a yawn
"Why don't you go up to my office and get some rest? You can sleep on the couch or watch TV or whatever."
"That might be a good idea." She smiled at him
"My keys are in that bag," he pointed to the floor beside his bed.
Elizabeth found them and stood up, keys in one hand, she took Robert's hand in the other and squeezed it - "See? You're still a good doctor."
"Well, they didn't amputate my brain - brain on a stick perhaps, but I still got a brain. Sounds like a line from the wizard of oz." He smiled wryly.
"Well, you've still got your mouth."
"Yeah, I can throw some of my famous biting sarcasm at the nurses - but I'll be ready to go home by lunch time tomorrow - sparring with you was always more fun."
"That's cause I know you won't fire me so I fight back." She squeezed his hand, "plus, I know that there's more to you than sarcasm."
"Yeah, a crying little boy."
"No Robert. I've seen you show compassion - to patients"
"That's my job, Lizzie." He interrupted.
"-And to me." She continued.
"Lizzie, you should go and get some sleep."
She nodded and stood up again. Slowly, she lifted his hand and pressed her lips to his knuckles.
"Goodnight Lizzie." He said, resisting the temptation to caress her face.
She nodded and walked out of the room leaving it colder and emptier. But less confusing. She had no idea how she affected him. He smiled thinking of how she'd touched him - dare he hope? No, he'd wait and see. Right now wasn't the best time - he needed her at the moment and he couldn't risk that - not until he was sure. If ever.
Ta for all the awesome review - very encouraging!
Disclaimer (suppose this is the norm so there's nothing quite like conformity): go for it, sue me, good luck with that, cuz if you manage to find out who i am and where i live then you'll have spent more money than i have... being a student is great :)
"Hey, they got the right arm," Robert quipped as Lizzie entered his room in recovery.
She just smiled, "How you feeling?"
"What do you expect?"
"Honestly? Flying bed pan aimed here," she tapped the middle of her forehead.
"What would I throw it with?" he asked as she sat down on a chair beside his bed.
"Sorry."
"Na, you're not far off - I almost threw my pillow at the nurse but I figured I probably wouldn't get it back." He smiled at her - trying to keep up the brave face, and she could tell.
"I don't imagine you're the greatest patient she ever had either."
"Oh, you'd know" he said sarcastically, immediately sorry. He met her eyes dreading her response,
"I was there."
"You were?"
"Yeah, you'd just got to sleep when I arrived."
"I thought the ER would have you busy all day."
"They wanted to, but I was with you right through until you started waking up."
"I don't remember."
"Good."
"That bad, huh?" Then his tone changed, "Thank you." She just looked at him, "You're a good surgeon Lizzie."
"I know." She smiled, trying to lighten the mood.
"You sound almost as arrogant as me."
"No, if I were you I'd say I were the best."
"Was." He corrected her.
After a few moments of silence Lizzie continued, "After your operation I went down to the gift shop for a decent cup of coffee and I was flicking through this book and it said 'who you are is more important than what you do,'"
"What else have I got?"
"Only you can answer that Robert." Elizabeth broke his intense eye contact, looking at his exposed shoulder then at her knees.
"What if I can't?" he asked dejectedly.
Lizzie stood up and looked at him, "There's more to you than this." She sat on the side of his bed.
"I wish I had as much faith as you appear to."
"I wish you did too." She squeezed his hand and was going to pull away but he held on.
"Maybe it'll rub off." He paused, lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it, "thank you."
Lizzie stood up as he let go of her hand, "I'll come and see you at the end of my shift," she promised as she turned to leave.
* * *
Robert had had his bed turned around and was looking out the window at the city lights and stars when Lizzie entered, "Hi." She said casually.
"Long shift?" He looked over to her, his breath catching in his throat. She nodded in reply and walked toward him. "I think busy is better than bored." He said, "Boredom makes you think too much."
Elizabeth sat on the side of his bed, "And what do you think about?" Lizzie asked.
"I was thinking that I've been a jerk to you as much as anyone else but you're still here - even though your shift ended hours ago and all you probably want to do is go home to your daughter."
"Ella will already be asleep, but other than that you're about right."
"Why?"
"I don't know. I was thinking the very same thing when I was walking here."
"And you didn't turn around?"
Elizabeth smiled and shook her head.
"Thank you."
"You've said that more in the last 2 days than in as long as I've known you." Elizabeth looked at him quizzically.
"Don't get too used to it - the meds will wear off in a day or two."
"I could slip more into your tea." Elizabeth teased
"I might get soft on you." Robert looked out at the city lights.
"Kerry wouldn't know how to react."
"None of them would."
"I would." She replied. After a few breaths of silence, she followed Robert's gaze out the window, "Million dollar view, huh?"
"I hate hospitals." Robert looked back to her.
"Robert, you've worked in them for years."
"Yeah, but being the patient is different."
Elizabeth sort of nodded, "I know."
"No you don't - you had Mark and now you have Ella" he paused and looked back out the window, "my house keeper visited me."
"You have been thinking too much."
"Yah, well the nurses weren't keeping up their end of the conversation." He quipped half-heartedly.
"I'm visiting you." She reached out and took his hand.
Robert lay back on the pillows, looking at the ceiling and blinking back tears. Elizabeth squeezed his hand.
"I don't think I'd still be here if it weren't for you." He choked out.
"The other surgeon wasn't that bad."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know," she squeezed his hand.
"You should go." He choked back the tears. Elizabeth just looked at him. He swallowed and she could see wet trails on his cheeks.
"Lizzie. Go." He demanded through tears.
"I'm not going anywhere." She pulled him to her and hugged him.
"What about Ella?" he resisted but not for long.
"I have a very understanding Nanny."
"Lizzie, you need to sleep." He let his head rest on her shoulder and put his arm around her waist.
"Hey, you're the patient."
"Ironic name, isn't it?" Robert smiled through the tears that he was still trying to blink back. She smiled and rubbed his back, trying to comfort him.
"You don't have to stay, I'll be fine." Robert said, still holding onto her. She kept rubbing his back ignoring what he'd said. "Or you could stay." She slowed down rubbing his back and just held him. "Thank you Lizzie." He whispered, tears choking his voice. He didn't want to cry in front of her but he knew that if she left he'd cry on his own and that would be worse. It didn't look like she was leaving and no matter how many times he swallowed, his throat was just getting sorer and the tears kept coming. He sobbed. The sound brought tears to Elizabeth's eyes. She held him tighter as he continued to cry, his head burrowed into her shoulder. Robert couldn't believe Elizabeth was still there - sitting with him - holding him - while he cried. It was completely beyond him whey she ever even gave him the time of day - the most he'd ever done for her was order her a pizza when she was pregnant. The rest of the time he bombarded her with sarcasm and critical innuendo. He didn't deserve her and yet here she was. Had it been anyone else he would have forced them to leave but he didn't want her to leave - ever. Meanwhile, Elizabeth couldn't believe he was crying - although she'd seen it coming - almost every time she'd spoken to him in the past few weeks she could tell he was close to the edge and every time she'd had to swallow back her own tears. Why was she so affected? What did he have to let her see his struggle and hide it from everyone else? She had a bad feeling she was the only one who cared and she desperately wanted to give him an easy solution but there wasn't one.
"I wish I could do something, Robert," she whispered as he calmed.
"You do Lizzie." He pulled away from her embrace and taking her hand, he looked at it. She put her other hand under his chin and forced him to look at her.
"You'll get past this." She whispered, searching his eyes for any glimmer of hope. None was forthcoming but he held her eyes intensely and swallowed. He looked at her lips, and then quickly looked anywhere else.
"Sorry, Lizzie, momentary weakness - I promised it wouldn't happen again."
"That was me." She pulled her eyes away from him.
"I don't want your pity Lizzie."
"Robert, I treat patients I pity every day, but I don't visit them in the middle of the night when I'm rostered off. I admire you, you won't give up, and you're an amazing doctor. You're more than a colleague, you're a friend - and I care that you're here - alone. And I wish there was something I could do, but there isn't, so I'm just going to be here - in case there is."
"I don't deserve that."
"What you don't deserve is this," she touched his bare shoulder. He flinched and she looked concerned, "does that hurt?"
"No, your hands just cold. It only aches like normal."
"How bad?"
"Eight. Sometimes Nine."
Lizzie looked at him, desperate to help him, "are you cold?"
"A little." He admitted, surprised at his own honesty - although the tough guy image had gone out the window long ago - admitting he needed her help was a big step. Elizabeth got up and went to get a blanket from the warmer. Robert lay there, looking at the city lights. He anticipated her return - half warning himself not to hope on her too much. What if she really didn't just pity him? Did he have a chance? Could she really look at this one-armed gargoyle like that? She had, just minutes before but he'd looked away. It was too much to risk too soon. It wasn't that long ago since Mark died, not even a year. They'd been fighting but he had a feeling that only made his passing more difficult for Lizzie. Was she ready yet for any kind of lasting relationship? He knew he didn't just want a fling with her. He'd loved her for years and he knew that he wouldn't get over her if she left him. But at the same time he so desperately wanted to be with her. He needed her - not only because of his not-so-recent collision with the wrong end of a helicopter but because she gave a damn - even before that. His reverie was broken by its subject. She wrapped the warm blanket around his neck and shoulder and its warmth relaxed his muscles.
"Better?"
He nodded, half smiling at her. She wanted so much to comfort him. She suddenly wanted to tell him she loved him. Was this just pity? He was so miserable and alone - he needed someone but did she really want to be that person - or was she just concerned, as a friend, and wanted him to have someone with him because she knew he shouldn't be alone.
"Lizzie," he intruded into her thoughts, "what time do you start tomorrow?"
"Um, nine," she tried to stifle a yawn
"Why don't you go up to my office and get some rest? You can sleep on the couch or watch TV or whatever."
"That might be a good idea." She smiled at him
"My keys are in that bag," he pointed to the floor beside his bed.
Elizabeth found them and stood up, keys in one hand, she took Robert's hand in the other and squeezed it - "See? You're still a good doctor."
"Well, they didn't amputate my brain - brain on a stick perhaps, but I still got a brain. Sounds like a line from the wizard of oz." He smiled wryly.
"Well, you've still got your mouth."
"Yeah, I can throw some of my famous biting sarcasm at the nurses - but I'll be ready to go home by lunch time tomorrow - sparring with you was always more fun."
"That's cause I know you won't fire me so I fight back." She squeezed his hand, "plus, I know that there's more to you than sarcasm."
"Yeah, a crying little boy."
"No Robert. I've seen you show compassion - to patients"
"That's my job, Lizzie." He interrupted.
"-And to me." She continued.
"Lizzie, you should go and get some sleep."
She nodded and stood up again. Slowly, she lifted his hand and pressed her lips to his knuckles.
"Goodnight Lizzie." He said, resisting the temptation to caress her face.
She nodded and walked out of the room leaving it colder and emptier. But less confusing. She had no idea how she affected him. He smiled thinking of how she'd touched him - dare he hope? No, he'd wait and see. Right now wasn't the best time - he needed her at the moment and he couldn't risk that - not until he was sure. If ever.
