Yullen Soundtrack

Summary: Songfics with a Yullen theme. Track one: Savin' Me by Nickelback. Allen reflects on how things don't work out.

Warnings: Slightly OOC on Allen's part; sorry. Emo-ish (or one could say "facing reality") Allen.

Well, uhh. I like writing songfics. The one you see below is a songfic that I haven't thrown in the trash yet :D Yay. But, uhh, this was a result of listening to Nickelback and Daughtry for hours on end and never getting tired of them BD I would recommend listening to the song while you read. It might make a difference.

Enjoy :D

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I don't own D. Gray-man or any of the songs that I use in this series of songfics.

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Track 1 – Savin' Me by Nickelback

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Prison gates won't open up for me

Damn. Damn it all.

I am an Exorcist; true, but yet false.

I am a Noah, but I cannot be banished to Hell. But why ever not?

On these hands and knees I'm crawlin'
Oh, I reach for you…

He's always there, but he never notices. He knows I see him, but yet he doesn't spare a glance at those who grovel for passage to Hell. He only delivers them; he cannot interact with them, much less fall for them.

Well I'm terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can't hold my soul in
All I need is you…

The people in headquarters are kind enough, but they suffocate me. They oppress me; they expect too much of me. What am I to do if I cannot fulfill their expectations? Like iron bars, they restrict me; prevent me from being free.

But yet, at the same time, all I need is for him to be there.

Come, please; I'm callin'…
And, oh, I scream for you
Hurry I'm fallin', I'm fallin'…

I scream into my pillow; the soft material dampens the shriek. The fact that he cannot be mine; can never be mine is always on my mind.

Because I'm a saint, they call. I am God's favored child, and therefore cannot go against His teachings. I cannot love a man.

And yet, I have fallen irrevocably for him.

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing.

He's always the last one to stand; the last one to admit defeat. Hmm. I guess you could call him stubborn, but… Heh. I can't talk; I'm hardly the last one on the battlefield who is willingly there. I'm only there for the sake of those around me; to fulfill the expectations that have been set before me.

And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be.

I want him to show me. How to be strong; how to carve my will into iron, enough to be able to say "no" and exceed the expectations—not just meet them.

Show me, and I'll be more than anything he's ever seen.

Say it for me,
Say it to me,
And I'll leave this life behind me.
Say it if it's worth saving me…

But I doubt that he'll show me; I doubt that he'll even think of saying the words that I so desperately want him to say, even if they'll save me. No; he's not that kind of person, nor will he think to save me.

After all, he hates me.

Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm fallin'
And all I see is you…

But I know it's impossible for me to go to heaven. I… am in love with a man, and, being a male myself, that is against His teachings. Even if I am God's Apostle, that cannot atone for the sins I have made.

And yet… I cannot retrieve myself from his grasp.

So where the hell am I going to go?

These city walls ain't got no love for me;
I'm on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And, oh, I scream for you…

And even now, I can see the trust fading from the eyes of those who once did; the love from the headquarters are quickly disappearing. But I will not fail them; I promised. Should the Fourteenth overcome me, I will personally stop him…

… Even if it costs me my life.

Come, please, I'm callin'…
And all I need from you
Hurry; I'm fallin', I'm fallin'…

But I know he won't care. He does not give a damn about what I do. If I die, he won't care. If I go to heaven, he won't care. Even if I go to hell, I'm sure that he won't even notice my disappearance.

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing.
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be.

Oh, but God, show me what it was like to not be under his spell; to not be a sinner the way I have been. Show me that I can still atone. Give me another chance, and I'll show you that I can hold onto to my purist ways.

Say it for me,
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me.
Say it if it's worth saving me…

… I guess I'm a hypocrite. I say I can hold onto my purist ways, but I doubt that I will be able to. If he says those words—and again, I thoroughly doubt that he will—I'll die happy, sinner or not.

Hurry; I'm fallin'…

But… I can't help but hold onto that small chance that he will. And if he does… Oh, God, please let it be soon.

All I need is you…
Come please I'm callin'.

And, oh, I scream for you…
Hurry; I'm fallin', I'm fallin', I'm fallin'…

If I can have just him… I think I'd trade my Innocence for him; that is the extent to which I have fallen for him…

Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing.
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be…

Please, show me how to be strong again; to be pure again. I want to be able to reach the standards set before me with a clear conscience. I do not want to be weighed down by the fear of going to Hell because I have fallen in love with someone I should not have.

Say it for me,
Say it to me
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me…

But that does not stop me from noticing it. The way he glares at me, the way he gives only me—and Lavi, but that's aside from the point—a nickname… I fear I am giving myself false hope. Even still, I can only dream that he'll say it… that he'll deem it worthy of his time to save me.

Hurry I'm fallin'…

Hurry, BaKanda. I'm falling.

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So how many of you listened to the song while you read this? … Yeah, I thought so. Not many, huh.

Anyway, my (unprofessional) editor thought that this would be a good poem. I guess I can see why she thought that, but honestly, I wasn't going for a poetic voice. I delved into my inner Allen and pulled out this odd, rhythmic thing. But hey, we all knew that Allen was pretty girly; no surprise there, right? xD

… I feel awkward now.

Okay, well… Update with the aforementioned editor. She's starting a new story that I would definitely read. (Actually, I have to, but that's beside the point.) I was reading what she had of her prologue and I was ready to tear up. Yeah. You heard me. On the freakin' prologue. So be ready. :D Here comes Chainsaw Mafia.

The next track is a personal favorite of mine; Crashed, by Daughtry. Savin' Me and Crashed are the two reasons why I started this songfic series. As a result, they get first dibs and the most attention :D Hope you all enjoyed this one; and enjoy the next one, too.

Next Track – Crashed by Daughtry