The Adventures of Captain Paperwork

Garrus walked into the Mess to get his breakfast – or rather, the unappetising nutrient mush that was currently masquerading as breakfast – to find Shepard sitting at one of the tables with her head on the desk.

'Ah, Shepard?' He poked her with one talon, but she didn't move. 'Shepard?' She growled, a noise that was probably threatening to a human but was just endearing to a turian.

'Garrus. Shut up. The paperwork will hear you.' Shepard didn't move her head from the table.

'… wait, Shepard. What?'

'It's following me, Garrus. All the paperwork in the galaxy is chasing me. Fuck the Reapers, did I declare war on datapads? I think they're trying to drown me.' One hand shot out dramatically and pointed to a large pile of datapads on the table.

'Um, Shepard, I'm pretty sure Operative Lawson is just trying to keep you abreast of the situation…' Shepard snorted.

'Hah. Abreast. She's "abreast" of everything, Miss I'm So Genetically Perfect My Boobs Poke You In The Eye.'

Garrus sighed. 'Spirits, Shepard, have you had any sleep recently? Like, in the last few days, say?'

'Maybe.'

'Is that a yes or a no?'

'…no'.

'Shepard. Go and sleep. We don't reach Illium for another day.' When the petite woman didn't move, Garrus prodded her in the shoulder with his talon again, slightly harder this time. 'Shepard…'

A groan. 'Sheesh, Garrus, I'm going.' The human lifted her bleary-eyed face, one cheek marked with a cross-hatch pattern from the table and red fluffy hair sticking up on one side. Holding out one hand, Garrus allowed her to pull herself up until she was standing. She spun round to face the datapads again, gesturing from eye to datapads back to her eye again.

'I'm watching you, Captain Paperwork', she growled, before wandering off in the direction of the elevator. Garrus sighed.

'Humans.'