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Kasuka sat upon a deep mauve couch with a plop, sighing as the miniscule action was performed. Exhausted from his lengthy day, he couldn't help but feel his eyelids weighing down, the heavy objects unable to remain open. Falling asleep, he dreamt something mad, but he was reluctant to wake up- ever. He was visualizing a certain blond haired male he knew. Shizuo Heiwajima was more than his brother, for he was also the other one's best friend. Kasuka had always held an irrational and unacceptable love for his elder brother. In fact, he'd probably be willing to do anything for his dear Shizuo-nii. Of course Kasuka loved his family, but it seemed his obsession with his brother went far deeper than familial adoration. He seemed caught up in caring for him much greater than he should have. Still, the raven wouldn't ever admit to that. Besides, it was a so called 'sin'. Kasuka didn't notice an immense issue, but he'd always been open minded about things of that nature. His boundary, however, was odd when he was the one expressing the certain feelings. Kasuka wouldn't have assumed he'd be the hopeless lover.
(In the dream)
"Shizuo, I… I wish that we could go back… I don't want it to be so hard." Kasuka whispered.
Shizuo turned over to face his younger kin. "But are you sure you'd really want to go back to what it was like?"
Kasuka just lied there for a while, pondering the proposed inquiry. After some time, he finally managed to speak. "I don't really know, Shizu-nii. I don't. I just know that I'm tired of this being so wrong. It was easier when we…"
Shizuo cut him off, continuing the sentence as if it were spoken by a single being. "Were kids, when life was simpler and we were cleaner and more innocent."
"You took the words out of my mouth, brother." Kasuka replied, almost on cue.
Shizuo leaned in and whispered one more thing. "It doesn't even matter. We're already going to hell." He closed the meager distance between the two, allowing the chaste kiss to fade just as it'd sparked to life.
(End dream)
Kasuka jerked awake, sighing at the eruption of invoked thoughts and emotions the dream surfaced. He begged for a differing dream each time his orbs were covered. He didn't want to see the peck over and over again… It was terrible enough that he loved Shizuo so much. He didn't ask to have to trance about it every time he slept.
"I love you…" He sighed out.
Shizuo walked in with a usual scowl on his face, breathing out something about a "Damn flea…" , asking himself "Why?" continually.
"Shizuo, are you alright?" Kasuka asked quietly, internally begging for a calm answer.
Shizuo sighed loudly, taking a spot next to Kasuka on the small but puffy couch. "It's just that damn flea, Izaya. Every day… Every single day."
"Wha…?"
"I… I hate him, but I love him. I really just, I don't know…"
Kasuka's eyes lost their gleam almost instantly. He looked down, swallowed his hope, and quietly asked, "…Does he love you?"
"I wish, Kasu-chan."
Kasuka ceased once more, remaining silent for quite a while. After a few moments of noiseless sitting, he finally found the correct words to say under such… odd circumstances.
"Maybe we could make an agreement." He paused. "My body for your love…"
Shizuo gaped at the direct and utter strangeness of the sugguestion. "What do you mean?"
Kasuka began to smile, knowing Shizuo would only attempt to make his brother happy. "I'll let you do whatever you want to me. You don't even have to watch. You can pretend I'm Izaya, even. Just come to me… Say 'I love you' to me. I don't even care if you don't mean it at all as long as I can hear your voice. Please…"
Shizuo remained silent, unable to muster a reply. He was almost puzzled to an extent, not knowing what to think of the entire matter. A small and eager voice screeched in the back of his head, yelling at Shizuo to reply. He really did love Izaya, and Kasuka was willing to be his crazed raven. That was more than almost anyone had ever done for him. Shizuo didn't know how to say yes or no; his lips quivered to form around a coherent answer. It was a great bargain on his side, but he didn't plan to play with Kasuka's emotional tremors. Still, Shizuo nodded his head in an up and downward motion, signifying that he accepted the offer.
Their first evening together as more than brothers seemed so awkward, different. Both remained under the impressive knowledge that they were performing a wrongful act, but they still curiously continued.
Kasuka, always being more prepared than his counterpart, tied an ivory blindfold over the other boy's caramel eyes. He clumsily grappled Shizuo's freshly ironed jacket, latching his lips with the other set.
"Ngh…" Shizuo let the quiet sound escape the back of his throat as he gripped Kasuka as if his life depended upon it. Shizuo felt his way around Kasuka's body, not being capable of visualizing any of it due to the fabric knotted tightly over his brilliant orbs.
"Iza… ya." The blond whispered.
Kasuka continued kissing the other, but he felt the salt stinging his own eyes. He knew he was never going to be Izaya. Kasuka wasn't uneducated, and he was well aware that he couldn't be the other. Still, he could attempt. He would try.
Parting for breath lasted only moments, for Shizuo only took a moment before delving back to find Kasuka's plump and blushing lips. When he found them, he was far from gentle, the male violently attacking the pinks.
"I'm going to take the blindfold off, now, Shizuo." Kasuka spoke very quietly, his voice almost matching a whispering tone and volume. Shizuo nodded, slightly leaning his head forward. As Kasuka untied it, Shizuo began tensing. He didn't want to see Kasuka's face when he opened his eyes. He wished to see Izaya's, but that was impossible. "Shizu-nii, you can open your eyes, now."
Finally, Shizuo's eyes began to slowly flutter open to be greeted with his brother's blood-shot ones.
"Kasuka, were you… crying?" Shizuo whimpered, trying not to sound too upset about it. He was only concerned about them because he never intended to discomfort his brother.
