Listen to: Green Eyes Don't Lie- Envy on the Coast

I'm shattered
A broken doll
A lifeless mannequin

I laid there silently, taking in the plush feel of the blanket, knowing it wouldn't last for long. The rich colors surrounding me swirled around in my mind until everything became a blur. Sighing, I began to drift away.

A hard slap brought me back to reality. My cheek stung, and grimaced as I remembered where I was. A dingy room with shadows lurking everywhere due to the lack of light. I never did like the dark. All the shadows hiding in crevices of blackness, they frighten me. Right next to me as I sleep, I get so paranoid that one of them will turn out to be real. My mind terrifies me sometimes. It's like a deep, dark abyss with no light. Even in the morning... dawn does not mean peacefulness.

But this was my home. And I was one of the lucky ones. A few others like me had their own rooms with a bed and a few tattered blankets. We were allowed to leave our rooms, with permission. The others were treated horribly. Several of them were crammed in a room with no door, expected to sleep on a few broken mattresses, and not freeze at night in the cold basement.

No one knew where, or if, they would wake up. I remember once, that almost all of us were killed for a reason I never found out. Only two other boys and I remained. We were privileged enough to not be killed. But I'm not sure that was a privilege, considering what we had to do to survive.

My strategy was to rise above the ranks by becoming the favorite. His favorite little boy. I knew what I was doing, and I tried to ignore every thought that crossed my mind. It wasn't my choice, it was only what I had to do. The more I faked enjoying this life, the better I was treated.

I stared at the simple gray walls, my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. Did I want something more than a life like this? It wasn't possible. This was the only thing I knew now.

You're never gonna see the dawning,
Of this beautiful day

Without a knock, the door to my room swung open. "He would like to see you." I knew those words would come soon. I dreaded the thought.

I stripped off my clothes, covered up with a red silk robe, and walked up to his room.

Entering the room, I stood before him with an expressionless face. With an expression of glee, he stared at me. That disgusting, creepy look he gave sent shivers up my spine. Why did he adore me so much out of all the others? I was the one who he called for the most. I just didn't understand why I was so wanted.

"Lay down." His gruff voice commanded. I was obedient and laid down on the bed. If I didn't obey, bad things were sure to happen. Punishment here could range from being slapped to being tortured. That's why some of the others died off. They challenged him too much. I had learned to obey every command.

For what seemed like eternity, he abused me. I just took the pain. It was what I was used to.

So did the thought cross your mind
That there is something more to life,
Than bed sheets and blankets, full of lies?

Afterward, I laid there naked on the bed. Used. Empty. The feeling always accompanied me when I did this. While I'm doing what he tells me, I feel wanted. But by the time it's over, I just realize he is using me. And sometimes, I don't feel a damn thing.