The Next Great Adventure
Rating: Gen. (SS/HP, RW/HG, character deaths)
Death is nothing at all
I have only slipped away into the next room
I am I and you are you
Whatever we were to each other
That we are still…
Why should I be out of mind
Because I am out of sight?
I am waiting for you for an interval
Somewhere very near
Just around the corner
All is well.
Nothing is past; nothing is lost
One brief moment and all will be as it was before
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
From: Death is Nothing at All, by Canon Henry Scott-Holland, 1847-1918
Severus had taken ill. It was to be expected, given his age. Though, does one ever truly expect death once it comes for them? He had fought to hang on for months, but he was losing the battle.
"Do something!" Harry shouted at the healers in the bedchamber, his voice rough with tears and anguish.
"Stop it, Harry," Severus chided with as much intensity as he could muster.
"No! There must be something…something more…they have to do something," Harry choked out.
"I am so sorry, Mr. Potter," the lead Healer apologized, "but there is simply nothing left to do."
"Thank you, you can go," Severus dismissed them.
When they hesitated, Harry shouted, "You heard him, go!" And they left the room.
Harry sat down at the bedside, folding his hands on the side of the mattress. He stared at them. They looked almost frail. When had they gotten so wrinkled? So…old? He saw another hand, equally aged, move over and rest on top of his. He dared not look up – he knew he was only just keeping the tears at bay.
"Harry," Severus said gently. "Harry, look at me."
Harry shook his head a fraction of an inch.
"Please," Severus begged, but Harry heard the smirk in his voice. Harry slowly raised his eyes to meet Severus', his partner, his best friend, the love of his life for nearly a century.
"Please, Severus," Harry whispered, "please don't leave me. I can't…I can't live without you."
"Well, I know that," again, Severus smiled softly, in the gentle way that he only ever did for Harry. His Harry.
"That's not precisely what I meant," Harry replied, the sorrow leaving his voice for a moment. He knew that their bond would claim him soon after Severus was gone. He had seen it happen to so many other couples he knew. It usually took a few weeks – sometimes more, sometimes less. The way magic intertwined through marriage bonds made it impossible for partners to survive much beyond a spouse's death. With as long as Harry and Severus had been bonded and as deep as their connection was, Harry was fairly sure his journey would end on the 'sometimes less' side of things.
"I just…" Harry began, the despair creeping back into his voice, "I just don't think I can handle the pain of losing you. What if I never see you again?"
"Oh, Harry," Severus pressed his hand tightly on his lover's, "You know that's not true."
"Do I? Do any of us? No one really knows. And I can't…the pain…it hurts too much to think about. I can't imagine what it will be like when it really happens. I don't want to imagine."
"Then don't. Spend this time with me the way we would spend any other time. Just loving each other," Severus suggested, knowing it was futile.
Harry shook his head again, choking on a sob. "I just want more time…I want…I want forever."
"There's never enough time, love. There never is," Severus reached up and stroked the backs of his fingers down Harry's deeply lined face. The gesture held a thousand words, words of love and understanding that had been forged over decades. It was enough, and yet it never would be.
"Time waits for no man, my love," Severus whispered, holding Harry's eyes in a gaze. Eventually, he blinked, but his lids stayed closed.
"Are you tired? Do you want to sleep? The Healers were here quite a while," Harry asked, hoping his lover would say he had the energy to talk, so they could spend every remaining second together, but knowing the answer.
Severus reopened his eyes. "I am. Wake me in time for dinner, love," he requested, though he knew he wouldn't really eat. It was just his way of getting Harry to eat something.
Harry nodded. He didn't move from Severus' side as he watched the eyes close, heavy lids over obsidian, now milky with age and cataracts. He heard Severus' breathing slow as he drifted off into slumber. Satisfied that he was truly asleep, Harry stood, slipping his hands out from under Severus'. He paused at the door to turn around and look at the man he loved. He was terrified those eyes may not ever open again. Forcing that aching thought back down his throat, he willed himself to turn away and do something productive rather than sit at his sleeping lover's side.
Harry sat at his desk staring at the parchment. He wasn't sure how to put this in a letter. After twenty fruitless minutes, he decided to fire-call instead.
"Ron? Hermione? Are you two home?" Harry called into the Weasley home, trying to be quiet enough not to wake Severus in the next room.
"Harry!" Ron's voice carried out before Harry saw his body. Cane in hand, he ambled over to the fireplace and called over his shoulder, "Hermione! Come out here!" Within a few seconds, she had arrived at his side – how she managed to be so graceful in her old age still confounded Harry.
"How are you, Harry? How is he?" Hermione asked with deep concern.
Harry tried to choke out an answer, but couldn't manage. All he could do was shake his head in anguish.
"Oh, Harry, Harry I'm so sorry," Hermione reached out as if to touch him in comfort, halting when she realized she could not really do so.
"I'm sorry, mate, I really am," Ron said softly.
"Then, there wasn't anything more they could do for him?" Hermione clarified.
Harry shook his head again.
"How much longer?" Hermione asked, knowing Harry would understand the question.
"They said…" he managed in a strangled voice, "they said he may not last the night."
"Oh Harry," Hermione's cheeks were wet with tears. He saw Ron wipe his eyes as well.
"I…I was hoping you could come here. Be with me. I…I can't do this alone," Harry finished weakly.
"Of course," Ron said immediately. "We'll be right over."
Harry tried to get out a 'thanks', but all he succeeded in doing was nodding with a jerk.
After a short while, his two closest friends were in his living room. Harry knew it would be a bit longer until he woke Severus from his nap, so he made a brave effort to distract himself, forcing conversation about grandchildren and other trivial information. Hermione and Ron could see what he was trying to do, so they played along, doing what they could to help the man who had been their friend from day one on the Hogwarts' Express. Eventually, Harry rose to make himself some dinner and Severus some tea – he knew that was all his partner would be able to handle. He motioned for them to come into the bedroom with him, and they conjured chairs next to Harry's along the side of the bed and waited as he gently shook Severus awake.
"Hey, sleepyhead," Harry tried not to mangle the smile he forced onto his face. "I brought dinner and some guests."
"Ah, thank you," Severus said. He made eye contact with Hermione and Ron as he offered the thanks, and he saw in their return gazes that they understood that the thanks was not directed at Harry, but at them and their willingness to be there for Harry in his time of need.
Harry helped Severus sip his tea while in between drinks he made small talk with Ron and Hermione. Ron actually managed to sound halfway cheerful, but Hermione soon reduced her responses to one word or sounds that got stuck in her throat, the threat of emotional breakdown evident in her eyes. When the tea was gone, Harry took the empty cup back to the kitchen, allowing himself a break to try and maintain his composure. When he came back in, Severus' eyes were closed. Harry's heart stopped beating, falling like a cement block to his feet, but he saw the rise and fall of his husband's chest and Harry released the breath he held.
"Severus, are you asleep?" Harry asked softly as he sat down.
Severus opened his eyes, "Merely resting," he said, trying to smile for Harry's sake.
"You can rest," Harry assured him.
Severus nodded slightly and closed his eyes again. The four of them sat in silence for an eternity: Harry's hands holding Severus' and Ron's hand holding Hermione's.
"Promise me you'll stay with him," Severus said suddenly, his eyes opening. Harry jumped at the unexpected sound. He noticed Severus was looking at Ron and Hermione. "He'll need you. Promise me you'll take care of him when I'm gone."
Hermione leaned forward to put her free hand on top of Harry's and Severus'. "Of course," she whispered, the tears spilling over, "Of course we will. He will never be alone."
At that, Harry could take no more and lowered his head to the bed, crying audibly.
"Shh, love," Severus tried to comfort him. "It's all right." But Severus' labored breathing belied his words. "Look at me, Harry," Severus pleaded in earnest, not wanting to miss one moment of Harry's eyes, his face.
With great effort, Harry raised his head, not bothering to wipe the tears away. Severus drew a long breath with closed eyes.
"It's soon, isn't it," Harry breathed out, hoping against hope the answer would be 'no'.
Severus managed a weak nod. Harry stood from his chair and went around to the other side of the bed, climbing in beside the man who held his heart. He grasped the hand nearest to him and entwined its fingers in his, and then he draped his other arm over Severus' chest and leaned over to place a soft kiss on the older man's cheek. He tasted the salt from tears – his own or his partner's, he couldn't be sure.
"Stay with me," Severus sighed.
"Always," Harry whispered. "Stay with me."
"I love you," Harry said simply, after a silence.
"And I, you," Severus replied, their exchange of devotion practiced and perfected.
Severus' breathing slowed. Harry wanted to squeeze him, but resisted. Instead, he clenched his eyes shut against the pain and tears. "Please don't leave me, Severus, please stay with me a little longer. Please," Harry begged and begged.
"Harry, look at me," Severus commanded – although with no intensity.
Harry raised his head off of Severus' shoulder to make eye contact.
"I will never leave you. I will always be with you. Nothing will change. I will still love you. You will still love me," Severus dragged a breath. "And I will be waiting for you when you come to me."
The effort of his words took nearly everything out of the former Professor.
"Promise me," Harry pleaded.
"I promise," Severus said, his eyes closing. "I will be there."
A moment later, Severus Snape breathed out his last breath, and was gone.
Harry didn't feel Hermione and Ron come around and sit next to him on the bed. He wasn't even aware that he was clutching Severus' body tightly, rocking it in his arms, protesting loudly through his tears.
"Harry," Hermione said gently, touching his back as he sobbed into Severus' now lifeless form, "Harry let him go."
"No," Harry sputtered out, "I won't leave him, I can't…I can't leave him…please, please come back to me." Harry cried out again and again. Inside his heart, he felt something break – their bond. It was still there, but it had – changed. And it hurt, not just an emotional pain, but a physical one that made Harry double into himself, clutching at his chest.
"Please, Harry, come with us, let him go," Hermione gently tugged until Harry rolled away from Severus' body. His friends helped him off the bed, supporting him into the living room and onto the couch. He felt Ron thrust something into his hand.
"Drink it," Ron commanded. Harry obeyed without question. His head hitting the couch cushions was the last thing he remembered.
It was good that Harry and Severus had planned out their final arrangements decades earlier and made sure their closest friends knew of them. Ron and Hermione were able to take care of everything – which was needed because Harry alternated between episodes of hysterical crying and a catatonic state.
He took the Calming Draught before the funeral, knowing he wouldn't be able to handle it otherwise. As it was, it didn't stop the relentless tears pouring down his cheeks – only the body-heaving sobs and wails that normally went along with them. He saw everything as if he were in some sort of haze. Time seemed to move differently. He looked one last time at Severus' face, pale in death as it was in life, before the flames consumed the body, a black marble tomb appearing in their place. One never knew what color their tomb would be. Harry wondered if his would be green, to match his eyes? Or perhaps red, to claim him for Gryffindor. He let out mangled laugh as he thought of the eye roll he would have received from Severus and the sarcasm about sentimentality. The black marble fit him perfectly.
Days later, Harry found himself walking around the lake in their village. His village, he mentally corrected, there was no 'their' anymore. It was a beautiful day, to be sure, but it went unnoticed. Nothing in this world held any beauty for him anymore. Harry was feeling incredibly old. This sensation was quite new – not because Harry didn't feel old until now, his soul had always been old, burdened the way it was – but now he acutely felt his body catching up. Suddenly, Harry felt someone watching him. He turned, looking for the person, but he could see no one.
'Harry,' he heard his name in the breeze. He twisted around in a full circle, trying to locate the source of the whisper. Without warning, the bond in his heart gave a strong tug – it drew him to his knees, knocking the wind out of him. When he finally got back up, he felt different somehow, more hollow.
It happened gradually, the same scenario repeating itself many times over the next two weeks. Each time, Harry would feel more and more tired, weaker. He had just enough energy to finish setting all his affairs in order – luckily, most of the work had been done a few years prior.
Finally, when he could no longer muster up the energy to leave the house, he penned the note.
It's time
He sent the Owl to Ron and Hermione.
He had been in bed for a while when he heard them Floo in. It sounded like more than just the two of them. He realized his prediction was right as a procession of people started to file into his bedroom where he was laying in the exact spot his husband had occupied just two weeks ago.
Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Neville, Seamus, George, Teddy, all the children, the grandchildren – he managed a chuckle at how crowded his bedroom was getting. People who would live much longer than he would, but that was the price you paid for marrying an older man.
"We promised him you wouldn't be alone," Hermione smiled as she sat down on the mattress next to him, cradling him in her arms.
"We should have brought more people for him, to be here when he…" Harry said guiltily. He felt so awful that Severus had not had this family around him during his last hours.
"Shh," Hermione soothed, stroking Harry's long-since white hair. "You know he liked it better the way it was."
Harry nodded.
"I'm afraid," he admitted into her shoulder.
"That's all right," she said. It comforted him that she had not told him there was no need to be, but had instead acknowledged his fear.
"Stay with me," he begged, now understanding why Severus had pleaded that before he had gone.
"We're right here, mate," Ron reassured him, resting his hand on the covers over Harry's lower leg.
Harry's breathing slowed, and it became harder and harder for him to draw breath. He felt the tug from the bond inside him, more insistent now, nearly constant, as if it meant to pull his heart right out of his chest.
'Harry', he heard the whisper again. Only this time, he pinpointed where it had come from. He looked up into the doorway.
"Severus?" Harry's heart leapt with joy at the sight of his lover, looking not a day over twenty – his form not quite solid, but not a ghost either, waiting for him at the door.
"I promised I would be waiting for you," Severus smiled. "But you're not ready yet, wait just a while longer."
"What'd he say?" Teddy asked from the other side of the bed.
"He thinks he sees Severus," Hermione whispered.
Harry's found it impossible to keep his eyes open. He had to let them shut. Rapidly, his breathing began to falter.
"Oh Harry, Harry don't go yet, don't go," Hermione pulled his head against her cheek, tears wetting his hair.
Harry kept his eyes closed as he uttered, "I'll be waiting for you, I promise," with his final breath.
Suddenly, he was able to open his eyes with ease. In fact, his entire being felt lighter than air. He fixed his gaze longingly on Severus, still at the door.
"Now," Severus said with open arms, "now you can come."
Feeling as though he had lost the burden of a hundred years, Harry flew across the room into Severus' arms, holding him tightly – which shocked him because Severus didn't look solid – planting kisses everywhere his lips could find purchase. He looked back at the bed behind him, seeing his body rocked back and forth by Hermione, the others around him crying, some wiping their tears away with the backs of their hands, some just letting them fall. It was an odd sensation – not…sad, exactly, but it was difficult to watch their pain.
"I know," Severus said, squeezing Harry's shoulder, "I know it's hard."
Harry nodded.
"Would you like to say goodbye?"
"Can I do that? They won't be able to hear me, will they?"
"No, but they will know. Trust me."
Harry broke into an ear-splitting grin, "I do."
"Go," Severus said, "I'm not going anywhere."
Harry nodded and smiled, then made his way back to the bed where Hermione was laying his body back down onto the pillows, smoothing his hair away from his forehead. He placed his hand on her shoulder – a small part of him noted that his skin was free of wrinkles and any other signs of aging – and leaned down to whisper in her ear.
"Thank you. For everything. I couldn't have asked for a better friend. Take care of Ron. Thank you for the lifetime of love you gave me. I love you." He gave her shoulder a final squeeze, and then backed away. He watched her face and saw a quizzical look dawn. She looked to her shoulder, where his hand had just been, and he realized what Severus had meant. He turned to Ron, placing his hand on Ron's shoulder as well.
"You were always my best mate," he said into Ron's ear, "You made everything more fun, gave me more life. Take care of Hermione – of the kids – of everyone. I love you, love you so much." A final squeeze and then Harry dropped his hand. He saw the same look appear on Ron's face as Ron looked at his own shoulder. Then Ron caught Hermione's eyes and a look passed between them. They smiled at each other and looked back to Harry's body, and Harry knew they would be all right.
"Are you ready?" Severus asked, not to hurry Harry along, but to see if he needed more time.
Harry scanned the rest of the room. He knew they all knew what he would have said to them. And he was ready to go. "I am." He turned back to Severus and joined their hands. They left the bedroom and didn't look back. Harry suddenly pulled up short and turned to Severus.
"It was you! You were calling me – calling my name all those times! The tugs, the bond – it was you, wasn't it?"
Severus smiled and gave Harry's hand a squeeze. "It was difficult for me, too…being without you."
Startled, Harry suddenly saw a beautiful, ornate mahogany door materialize in the middle of his living room. He looked questioningly at Severus.
"Yes, this is where we go," Severus answered the unspoken question.
"Can we come back? For them? When it's their time?"
"Yes. I did, for you. And we're not really leaving them, you'll see."
"Who came for you?" Harry asked, but he suspected he knew the answer.
"Albus," Severus smiled and shook his head.
Harry chortled. He'd been right.
"Are they," Harry hesitated, not sure how to ask his question, "Will they all be there?"
Severus understood and leaned down to place a chaste kiss on Harry's cheek. "Yes, and they are so happy – they've waited for you a long time." Severus brought them both within arm's length of the door. "Ready?"
"I'm ready for anything, as long as it's with you," he answered simply.
"Together, then." Severus put his hand onto the doorknob and turned it, opening the door into a pool of white light.
