Burning. Searing. Scratching. Blistering.
Hunger.
Thirst.
I need blood.
A strangled cry bursts from my mouth as my head swings back and forth in anguish. One cold hand wraps around my neck in a vain attempt to control the heat that tears at my throat while the other claws for something to hold onto. My back is pressed firmly against the wall, as it has been so many times before...Volterra...the rock ledge with Edward and Seth and Victoria and the newborn, Riley...
Unfortunately, my fingernails had grown during the change, allowing them to gouge at the wall putting grooves all around the area I am sitting. My hair is a mess, falling around my face in an eerie sort of way and shaking back and forth whenever I shudder from the torture.
My eyes...my eyes search madly about me for some means of escape. Some way of release. The mirrors I had looked in before no longer reflected Bella Swan, but rather a deranged animal: wild, savage...hungry. I was hoping to find that I had been transformed into one of the beautiful beings that I had known for the past year and a half. I had dreamed about living a "normal" life with Edward and the rest of them; Alice and Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme...
But no.
No. No. No.
It isn't anything like that.
What it is, is a horrible, pain-filled, gut-wrenching, coarse, wretched fire that drips down my neck with every breath I take and every move I make. It comes in tidal waves that rip through my throat with a passion that I didn't think possible for something so vile as blood.
It isn't a need.
It is a desire.
All I can think about is the thick red liquid that courses through the insignificant humans just outside the boundaries of our home. All it will take to reach the intoxicating elixir is be a quick sprint into town and then I can swim in all the--
I scream with horror and frustration as I slam my head back into the wall, showering the air with bits of plaster and paint. I can't stop them. I can't stop the thoughts, however much I want to. Edward tries and tries, but my brain is trapped in Blood Lust Mode, and nothing, nothing seems to help.
I begin to wail in a desperate attempt to ease the pain and fury that I feel towards myself.
How can I be so weak?! How can I not resist?!
How did I become such a monster?
Finally it dawns on me.
"I am a monster."
The words crackle through my parched lips. They fly around my head; stinging and hurtful, but horribly true. It is a truth that I hadn't wanted to believe.
A truth that Edward had repeatedly associated with himself. A truth I had always denied. A truth that I had become.
Suddenly, two sturdy, strong arms wrap themselves around my body, stopping the gouging and the seizure-like struggling. They force me into a semi-stillness; easing the shudders and tremors that wrack my frame. My cries are muffled as a hand gently presses my head into the only source of comfort I have experienced in the last three months. A chest that is no longer cold, but one that is all too familiar.
Edward strokes my hair repetitively, soothingly. The deep, reassuring breaths he takes lulls me into a daze in which the blistering heat at the back of my throat finally recoils enough for coherent thought.
And his smell. His smell passes through my nose and down into my lungs with the qualities of a healing salve; Easing every sore spot away.
"You are no monster." The words are blunt and strong, not nearly a whisper. They rumble deep within his chest. " You are Isabella Marie Cullen, and you are the sweetest, kindness, most beautiful person in the world, and I know...I know that you will conquer this, Bella. Anything is possible for you and myself."
And suddenly, at this very moment, I realize, that everything is not lost.
I am not a monster. I won't let myself be a monster.
I will not allow myself to be overcome by the Wanting.
I will not be weak.
Everything will be alright, it has to be. And it will all be because of Edward.
Because he believes that anything is possible for us.
A whisper of a smile inches across my face for the first time in three months. And it is all because of him.
YES! I finally wrote another SOMETHING. lol, I've had this idea for a long time, but I could never get it out! I still don't think it's up to par, but it's good enough for now. Hopefully this will be an opening to a flood of ideas or something like that. lol, I've got a lot of ideas, I just don't have time to write them down!
Sorry for the wait guys!
There MIGHT be another chapter, but I'm not sure. Maybe something with Edward?? If you have any ideas, let me know!
And thanks to my special beta, Beauty-Before-Age (I hope I got that right! Lol)!
Speed-is-Everything
