Authers note: This is a fun project that I've had fun mapping out. In fact, the entire story is a complete game to me. Thus, I take nothing too seriously about how the story is handeled. Sure, there might be plot holes, but plot holes are fun to run by at high-speed and wreck cars with. I'm rambeling, so I'll continue with the story.

Episode One: The Sensible Twins' Lament or The Melancholy of Ichiro Suoh

"This place has bad vibes"

"Those bad vibes, brother, is the swelling excitement of love. Can you feel the hearts of our relatives beating as one? We'll be remaking history!"

"We're breaking and entering. Isn't school supposed to be over? Why did you drag me out to the third music room?"

"Ichiro! I thought you agreed with me…"

"Agreed with what?"

"Didn't you agree with me that we'd start a new Host Club this year?"

"I agreed to no such thing!"

"Oh…I must have imagined it. Anyway…we're starting a Host Club this year! Isn't it exciting?"

"…."

Ichiro Suoh was always different from his twin brother Jiro. He was smarter, saner, and more levelheaded.

He also had blonde hair and his brother had brown hair, not that it meant anything to him. He just looked more like his father and Jiro looked like his mother. Not all twins looked alike.

And not all twins had a deep bond.

Ichiro was just getting used to Jiros' antics. Mind you he's been getting used to the boy since birth. Jiro, to Ichiro, was a rare and annoying person because he changed very easily and without warning. Often he went through phases. For two years he wore nothing but pink and green. Before now, Jiro was really into anime. He was known in middle school as " King Otaku Jiro". But ever since high school, Jiro was suddenly interested in the wild stories their father had to say. Ichiro and Jiro used to agree on one thing: hosting was a waste of time. Apparently, the small list of thing they agreed on changed just like Jiro. Jiro began to take more pride in his appearances…some would say he took too much pride in it. He got piano and etiquette lessons from their father and tested his lessons on the maids. Genetics did not lie…Jiro was quite handsome when he put his mind to it. Somehow, Ichiro suspected that Jiro wanted to be a host when he enrolled in Ouran High School.

Ichiro was not so keen such matters. He preferred to hear what was going on in the present, and didn't care much about his parents' past. He asked his mother how her latest case was going. He asked his father how his day at the office was. Ichiro liked cooking and reading sci-fi stories. He had normal interests and always stayed the same through the years.

"I'm going," said Ichiro, turning tail and walking towards the door. He suddenly found himself falling on top of someone. He moved his glasses to see what he had bumped into.

It was a girl.

She had short, wavy brown hair. Her eyes were blue like his and Jiros', but a darker shade. She did not wear the school uniform, but a buttoned-down shirt and black pants that seemed a bit baggy for her small frame. Ichiro thought he was imagining things, but he thought he saw white flowers bloom around her.

"I'm sorry…I didn't notice you there" stuttered Ichiro, a slight flush on his face.

"It's about time you noticed me!" said the girl with a harsh voice Ichiro was surprised to come out of a cute girl like her.

"I'm sorry for my brothers' carelessness. My name is Suoh Jiro, second year. Who might you be?" said Jiro, reaching his hand out with flourish.

"My name is Marion Beaumont, first year" said the girl haughtily.

"I've never heard of that name…and us Suohs usually know everything about which family is which. Are you a first-generation heiress, perhaps?" mused Jiro as he pulled Marion upwards.

"I…I'm not an heiress or anything like that…I'm here-"

"On a scholarship?" asked ichiro hopefully. He's always hoped to meet scholarship students…they weren't spoiled like the rest of his schoolmates, and Ichiro admired that.

"No" Marion said rudely, "I'm here because I'm one of the top chefs in France"

"But your so young" said Jiro, placing one of the fancy tables between himself and Marion.

"Yeah…well I was really young when my mother found out my gift. I've been serving tables since I was old enough to hold a skillet" said Marion, taking a sip of the tea that came out of nowhere.

"Your into cooking?" asked Ichiro excitedly.

"So…which one of you two are my hosts? It said on the flyer that I get to chose from six types of men," Marion asked.

"What? Why would there be six types of men?" asked Ichiro. He looked to Jiro, who looked embarrassed for once.

"Well…we don't really have six types…but you can choose from two" Jiro said shyly, twiddling his thumbs.

"Fine…I'll choose the blonde one," said Marion.

"But we were getting along so well" whined Jiro.

"I have my reasons," said Marion slyly.

"Humph…you're shot, Ichiro" grumbled Jiro, putting Ichiro in the chair he previously possessed.

"Err…gosh. I wasn't expecting to be doing this so soon," said Ichiro shyly. "I'm not that much of a host…but I suppose if you'll have me" the boy said once more. He flashed a grin similar to his mothers' when she was a host.

Marion glared.

"What kind of Imbecile' do you take me for?" said the girl. "That's not how a princely-type acts," ranted the girl.

"Err…we only have the Natural-type and Little Devil-Type We don't have a Princely-type yet" commented Jiro.

"What? Princely-type? Natural-type?' added Ichiro.

"This is horrible!" said Marion dramatically. She got up from her chair and scooped a surprised Ichiro low. "A princely type is supposed to woo his lady outright knowing they are wanted. They have confidence and a special quality that is above others," said Marion, causing Ichiro to blush a bit redder.

"Stop right there!" said Jiro, pushing his glasses up. Out of nowhere, a television set appeared, and Jiro replayed the scene, stopping at Marion scooping Ichiro low.

'Where the hell did a television set come from/" asked Ichiro to Marion. The girl just shrugged

"You!" said Jiro dramatically, pointing at Marion.

"Me?" asked Marion lamely.

"You…you're the Princely-type we've been looking for," announced Jiro. Ichiro sweatdropped.

"She's a girl, Jiro," said Ichiro.

"So? Mother was a girl, and she became almost as popular a host as Father!" said Jiro. He pointed at Marion once more " are you, Marion Beaumont, willing to be part of the most enriching experience of your life?"

"I don't think a sweet and innocent girl like Marion would be happy entering a world of deception and cross-dressing," said Ichiro, hugging Marion protectively.

"I don't mind at all," stated Marion.

"Really?" asked Jiro hopefully.

"Yeah..." said Marion bashfully. "I err…enjoy dressing up as a boy. I'm actually surprised you could tell"

"But…but" whimpered Ichiro.

"Wow! You're a cross dresser? How was that like?" asked jiro

"Was? I enrolled into Ouran as a boy," said Marion triumphantly. It seemed Marion was becoming less ashamed by her cross-dressing ways.

"That's wonderful!" said Jiro, jumping up and down.

"That's weird," said Ichiro, retreating to a corner to sulk.

"So…would you like to try on a real uniform?" chirped Jiro.

"More than anything! I'm trying to make enough to afford the top part, but this is wonderful," said Marion. The two went off to the changing room.

"Welcome…to the club" said Ichiro in the corner. A mushroom sprouted from his head.

He had fallen for a cross dresser

Said cross dresser exited the changing room with the complete uniform on. She looked, as expected, like an effeminate man.

"You look great, Marion!" cheered Jiro

"I make a lovely man, oui?" Marion said with flourish, holding a red rose in the air. Ichiro dissolved. Jiro got a dustpan and swept up his brother.

"Well, since there seems to be nobody else coming here, I think we'll just have private meetings until we get everyone together" said Jiro. "However, Ichiro here has had enough …we can talk about things like your pay tomorrow" added the boy with an unexpected serious tone.

"Okay" said Marion cheerfully. "I'll see you two tomorrow!" exclaimed Marion, winking and blowing a kiss.

Ichiro was silent the entire walk home.

They did not live too far from Ouran High School. Despite Jiros' protests, they were not allowed to call for a chauffer unless the weather was really bad. Ichiro liked his mother because of that…she made sure the two of them didn't act like every other rich kid that went to Ouran. Being grounded, Ichiro believed, made you richer than any amount of money in the bank. When they got home, they noticed their mothers' car in the driveway.

"Oh great! Mothers' home! Now I can tell her about the club!" said Jiro, rushing for the door. Ichiro grabbed onto Jiro

"Wait! Don't tell her!" said Ichiro, looking to the ground.

"Why not?" asked Jiro.

"I…made a promise last summer at the beach" said Ichiro

Flashback:

"And this is the cliff where I saved your mother from a couple of horrible thugs" announced Tamaki, gesturing to the cliff.

"Don't make such a big deal about it" muttered Haruhi, embarrassed.

"You told us that story before, father," said Ichiro.

"But it's more romantic every time he says it" added Jiro sagely.

"That's because your father likes to flourish the truth," cautioned Haruhi. Tamaki whimpered and slumped over.

" Haru-hi! Don't tell your children that Daddy is a liar" whined the supposedly grown man.

"I never said you were a liar…" Haruhi said defensively. "I'm just saying that your making a big deal about something that happened in high school" finished the woman.

"It was the droplet of water that fed our seed of love…it will always be on the highest pedestal," rebutted Tamaki, suddenly embracing his wife. Haruhi was getting rusty over the years because she got a bit flustered before she could compose herself.

"Not in front of the children" muttered Haruhi, pushing Tamaki off her.

"Come on! How am I ever going to learn?" complained Jiro.

"We should get to the beach before the noon-day sun gets out" said Ichiro. He, like his father, burned badly.

"Ah yes! Let's begin our wonderful day at the beach!" cheered Tamaki, turning around with his family in tow.

Later

"Ichiro…where did you get that T-shirt?" asked Haruhi as she observed her son sitting under the beach umbrella.

"Oh…I found it in your room…I thought you wouldn't mind since you don't dress as a boy anymore" answered Ichiro, flashing a grin that made Haruhi nervous.

"Where did he learn to smile like me?" thought the woman. She sighed to calm her nerves. "Ichiro…I know your growing up, and soon you and your brother will be going to Ouran like your father and I…" she said seriously.

"I know," said Ichiro, turning a page of his book.

"Well…I really need to warn you about something" said Haruhi, taking a seat next to him. She grabbed a towel and dried her hair a bit. It wasn't cut short like in her Host Club days, but it was anything but long. Though her husband protested, Haruhi found that shorter hair suited her.

"Father already told Jiro and I about the birds and the bees if you're about to tell me about it" said Ichiro, blushing at the thought of it.

"No! No!" said Haruhi quickly. "It's…about the women at Ouran High School. I want you to promise that you'll be careful around women. Don't break any girls' heart or something like that" explained Haruhi awkwardly. She reached for a bottle of water from the cooler and began to chug it down. With a satisfying sigh, she emptied the bottle.

"Don't worry…I'd never break somebodys' heart" said Ichiro, looking exactly like Haruhi did in high school…only blonde, without contacts, and well…genuinely male. This scared Haruhi a bit. She thought she saw pink roses bloom around his profile.

"Well…anyway…don't get involved with a Host Club" Haruhi said bluntly. "Your brother might want to start one, but they are more trouble hen they are worth" she finished sagely.

"Don't worry, mother…Jiro might want to be part of this mess, but I'm not like that," explained Ichiro.

"Haruhi! Why won't you come back in the water!" yelled Tamaki

"Yeah! I want to beat dad in this swimming race" followed the voice of Jiro

"Oi! I'll be there in a moment!" yelled Haruhi. She got up from the large blanket they brought with them. She was wearing a dark-blue one-piece bathing suit that was a birthday presents from The Hitachen Twins. It was from their latest collection, and had the detail of a rose, their signature, cut out of the material.

"You look nice in your bathing suit by the way…you should wear Uncle Koaru and Hikarus' gifts more often" commented Ichiro. Haruhi sweatdropped.

"He's inherited all of my moves…this does not bode well for High School," thought the woman as she walked back to the sea. She let that thought go and focused on her husband and sons' contest instead. "Alright…first person to swim up past the docks and back to me wins" yelled the woman.

End flashback.

"What does hosting have to do with breaking girls' hearts?" ranted Jiro.

" Everything! How can I keep my promise while flirting with all the girls at the same time" explained Ichiro.

"If they make them like they did in Fathers' day, they wouldn't mind" Jiro rebutted.

"Just promise that you won't tell her" said Ichiro, opening the door.

"Why do I have to make a promise?"

"What's this about promises?" asked Haruhi, standing at the door.

"Mother…your home early" said Ichiro nervously.

"I know! Somebody else confessed to attacking Donna Chun, so my client is in the clear. Sure it's horrible that the woman got beaten so badly, but I'm so glad to get home early for once," said Haruhi, embracing her sons in a gentle hug.

"Yeah…it's good to see you home early too" said Jiro happily.

"Anyway, to make up for getting home late all month, we're going to have a big family dinner at home. No take out, no leftovers…real food" said Haruhi enthusiastically.

"Can I help you cook?" asked Ichiro. He was very interested in cooking since he watched the chefs for "Auntie Renge" whip up an omelet while visiting her in France.

"Sure…but we're making chicken teriyaki, and I know you like to make western food a lot more" cautioned Haruhi.

"I don't mind at all! I'll just follow the recipe book," said Ichiro happily. The only things he's learned to cook have been from a French cookbook he got for his 15th birthday. He's tried to cook from different ethnicities, but it often ends up "very French" as his mother would say.

"Hey…is Father home?" asked Jiro. He rarely, if ever, cooked or had an interest.

"Not yet…but he called to say he'll be back in time for dinner. If we hurry, we can surprise him" said Haruhi as Ichiro and she walked in the general direction of the kitchen.

"Enjoy yourself," said Jiro. He rolled his eyed and walked off to occupy himself with some sort of activity. The blonde twin and his mother retreated to the kitchen. It was larger than kitchen Haruhi has ever had before, but the mansion was so large that a big kitchen was inevitable. Haruhi was very thankful that she had a son interested in the culinary arts, for that made the kitchen well used.

"I don't see why your wearing that silly hat" commented Haruhi as Ichiro put his apron on.

" All the great chefs wear these kind of hats, right?" stated Ichiro. Haruhi laughed, something she found she did a lot more lately.

"I wouldn't know," said Haruhi ruefully, shaking her head.

Later…

"This is…an interesting version of chicken teriyaki, son" said Tamaki, inspecting the Japanese dish with the surprisingly French preparation.

"It's the white wine…I should have cooked the chicken in Sake," sighed Ichiro. He had shed his dirtied apron and hat, wearing a simple sweater and jeans.

"Usually the chicken is cooked in sesame oil" commented Haruhi, sweatdropping.

"It's food, isn't it? Lets eat," whined Jiro.

" Right. I'm sure my son has prepared a divine meal. Itadakimasu!" cheered Tamaki.

"Itadakimasu!" cheered everyone else. They ate dinner, which in true Ichiro fashion, turned out very French for chicken teriyaki.

Later, in Ichiros' room.

Ichiro was having trouble with his homework. His thoughts often lead to Marion. How could such a pretty girl dress as a boy? Her lips were fuller than most, and her hips weren't nonexistent under the clothes. She couldn't be a host for long…the girls would find out at any moment. For Marion's' sake, he'd keep her true gender a secret until she was discovered.

"This won't last for too long," declared Ichiro to some unseen observer. His attention went back to homework.