Never let me go
"How many times does it take...
How many times does it take for me...
To get it right?"
Santana listened to the sweet, rich sound of the tiny brunette's voice. She was an incredible singer; by far the best in the whole Glee club. And she wanted her so badly.
She felt everything around her materialize. The only thing she could see was Rachel- her adorable pink dress, her dark hair formed around her face so perfectly, her beckoning brown eyes luring her in. She could even smell the sweet scent of her fruity perfume. But it was only days away from graduation, and she was dreading saying the words 'goodbye' to the girl she had developed a strong love for over the past 3 years. Rachel was going off to NYADA, a crazy-hard performance arts school to get into, and there was no way her own grades were good enough for that. Her plan was a community college in Kentucky. Her life already sounded like it was doomed.
No. She was not going to Kentucky and suffering through boring cheer practices and torturous academic classes. Although she had thought being a cheerleader was what she wanted to be, she realized this was a stupid high school fantasy. Besides, she was over being a cheerleader. She didn't want to go to Kentucky. She wanted to be in New York. She couldn't think of a better place to be- all of the city life, the people, the opportunity, and everyone was much more accepting about sexuality then they were here in Lima, Ohio, or how they would be in Kentucky.
And best of all, she'd be so much closer to Rachel. She could probably even convince Rachel for them to get an apartment together and be roommates. And Santana could take a year off from school and get a job as a cashier or a waitress or something.
She knew what she wanted now. She wanted New York. She wanted the excitement. Above all, she wanted Rachel Berry wrapped in her arms.
And Santana Lopez wasn't going to stop until she got it.
Santana's big, dark eyes blinked open sleepily as she woke up. Taking in a deep breath, she stirred, feeling the warm blankets surrounding her. It was the middle of winter, and New York always had its snowy, cold winters. Stretching her limbs, her eyes fluttered open, and even though the day was miserably cold outside because of the blizzard they were experiencing, she didn't mind one bit. Usually, she would get cold in her bed during a snow storm.
But because someone else was in bed with her, that's all she needed to feel warm for an eternity.
Smiling, Santana moved herself closer to Rachel, the tiny brunette who's back was turned away from her, peacefully sleeping just in front of her. She wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her in closer, feeling her warmth under her skin. Brushing Rachel's silky hair out of the way, she kissed her neck softly, feeling Rachel's heartbeat and warm, smooth skin under her lips. Rachel stirred, moaning softly as she woke up.
"...Santana?" she whispered groggily.
Santana laughed softly, nuzzling her neck gently. "Yes?"
Rachel turned herself onto her back and then onto her other side, her face now inches away from Santana's. Her eyes opened slowly, revealing her big, light brown eyes that reflected the dim, snowy light that came through the bit of the window that wasn't covered with shades.
"What time is it?" she muttered, blinking heavily. She lifted her head up, reading the digital bedside clock. The red numbers read 10:45. Rachel smiled- they had slept in. She didn't care either- it was a Saturday.
Suddenly, Santana felt shivers race down Rachel's spine, and she felt her muscles tighten and her body quiver. "It's f-freezing," she stuttered. "Did Kurt turn off the heater to save money again?"
Santana pulled the covers over them farther, then wrapped her arms around Rachel tighter as she pressed her body closer. Their forehead's were touching one another's.
"Better?" Santana whispered right into her ear, tickling it with her breath. Rachel couldn't help but let a giggle escape her mouth. She flashed a flirty smile.
"Much," she breathed, then kissed Santana on the nose.
"Come on," replied Santana. "I know I can get a better kiss then that. Preferably on the lips..."
"Hmm, I don't know, Santana," she said in a teasing tone wrapping her arms around her neck and running her fingers through Santana's soft, ebony hair. "I think you're going to have to remind me how..."
Santana's heart was fluttering in her chest. Brushing her hand against Rachel's waist, she moved in and sealed the distance between their mouths. Sparks of bliss and energy exploded inside of her. She felt Rachel's hand caressing her cheek, and Rachel's soft lips under hers.
Rachel pulled away just an inch. "I need coffee," she said, rubbing her left eye with a balled fist. "I can't think straight when I first wake up."
Santana moaned. "Please don't get up and leave me..." She brushed a hair out of her face.
Rachel giggled. "I'm only going to the kitchen!"
Santana sighed. "Why don't you ask Kurt to get you coffee?" Santana interlocked her fingers with Rachel's. "I want you to keep kissing me..."
Rachel rolled her eyes, laughing. "I'll be right back, crazy," she laughed. "Besides, I'm pretty sure Kurt has to be at the Vogue office today. I think he told me he wasn't going to be back until 4 or 5 today." Quickly kissing her, Rachel rolled out of bed and threw the covers off, standing up. She was wearing a light pink camisole and dark pink pajama shorts, and the minute she stepped out of the bed she began to hold her arms and shiver.
"God damn it's cold," she muttered. Grabbing a sweater as she made her way to the kitchen, she called back to Santana, saying, "Do you want me to make you anything?"
"Hell yeah," replied Santana. "Mama needs her caffeine!"
Rachel laughed. Santana slowly got up out of bed, feeling sleepy. Last night, she and Rachel had just laid in bed and talked for hours. Of course, this included the occasional make-out sessions in between the crazy gossip they shared, Rachel's about drama at NYADA and Santana's coming from her waitress acquaintance at the diner. They had decided to watch a scary movie together, so they stayed up late, cuddled under the blanket. Rachel was more scared than Santana; at one point, Rachel was practically sitting in Santana's lap, Santana's arms wrapped around her.
When the movie had finished, Rachel grabbed the remote and pressed the big red 'Off' button.
"That was terrifying," she had said, a wide-eyed look spread across her face.
Santana chuckled with a deep, sexy laugh. She pressed her face into the side of Rachel's cheek. "Don't worry," she said, wrapping her arms tighter. "I'll protect you." Rachel turned her face, leaning her forehead into hers and hovering her lips just centimeters away from Santana's. Santana felt her eyes fill with lust as she softly pressed her lips against Rachel's.
Just then, Kurt walked into the TV room. "Are you guys done watching that horrible movie?" he asked, noticing but not seeming to care that they were in the middle of kissing each other. He sat down next to them, grabbing a handful of the uneaten popcorn next to them.
Santana pulled away. "Ehem, Kurt..." she muttered. "Didn't I tell you this was mine and Rachel's time to be alone?"
"Aw, Santana, it's okay if he wants to join," she said sweetly. She always had to big of a heart to exclude anyone. It was one of the things Santana absolutely loved about her.
Santana sighed. "Well, I guess it is sort of unfair to you... I mean, it's not like you can leave this apartment at this hour, because this weather is insane..."
Kurt nodded. "This is the worst blizzard I've ever experienced!" he said through a mouthful of popcorn.
The three continued to talk for a while. It had been an incredible night, and she had been just so happy to be there with the two people she cared most about in the entire world. Santana smiled at the thought of the previous night, then continued the process of getting out of bed.
As she walked into the kitchen, Rachel called back to her loudly, still believing she was in the bedroom. "Do you want any cream in your coffee?" She poured the dark liquid into a cute, baby blue mug with an owl on it, one of Rachel's mugs she had brought to NYC from Lima.
"Of course," she responded, sitting down. Rachel turned around. "Oh! I didn't even noticed you had gotten out of bed," she said. "Why did you get up?"
"I dunno," she said shrugging. A flirtatious glimmer appeared in Santana's eyes as Rachel brought over their coffee and sat down next to her. "...Did you want me to stay in bed for some reason?"
Rachel, about to take a sip, almost dropped her coffee. She giggled. "Santana," she exclaimed. "You're being especially naughty today!" Rachel couldn't help herself and laughed playfully as she said this.
Santana smirked, winking one chocolate-colored eye and crossing her legs. She took a sip of her coffee, feeling her eyes drooping sleepily, but she didn't mind. Last night was worth the tiredness she was experiencing.
Santana couldn't help but just look at Rachel for a few moments. She couldn't believe how much Rachel had changed; she had known her since sophomore year, when they both started being in Glee Club at their old high school, and there were so many differences. Her hair was no longer straight, pulled back with a headband, and all the same dark shade of brown. It was now lightly bleached at the ends, giving it an ombre look, and it was always down in perfect, soft waves. Her wardrobe had changed for the better as well- she had said goodbye to reindeer sweaters and knee-high socks, and said hello to tank tops, cute hats, and other things that actually looked good on her. Santana loved the new Rachel Berry; it was an incredible improvement. Even her personality had changed. She wasn't nearly as attention hogging, needy, or complained nearly as much as she used to.
Rachel's voice brought her back from her thoughts. "What do you want to do today? There isn't much because of the blizzard."
Santana looked up, thinking for a moment. An idea popped into her mind. "I know," she said. "We bought all of those ingredients to bake a cake a few days ago, and we never actually did it. Let's do that."
Rachel smiled, and from this Santana felt as if the dim kitchen light suddenly brightened. "I like it."
They began by gathering all of the ingredients. As Santana carried out the sugar, she could hear Rachel behind her. As she turned around, she saw as Rachel struggled to pick up the giant sack of flour and carry it over to the counter. Laughing, Santana helped her grab it and hoist it onto the counter.
Rachel had a puzzled look on her face. "Damn, that's a lot of flour!" she breathed. "Why did we buy such a huge sack?"
Santana rolled her eyes. "Because Lady Hummel insisted that we got this brand when we went shopping for the ingredients, and this was the only size they had."
"Of course," said Rachel giggling. "That definitely sounds like something Kurt would do."
After they had gotten everything out, Rachel began reading off the steps to making the cake. "We need the beater," Rachel said, beginning to rummage through drawers. "So we can beat the wet ingredients together."
Santana smiled. Rachel brought out the electric beater, put the ingredients in, plugged it in and turned it on. The second it turned on, some of the ingredients in the bowl began to splatter out.
"Whoa!" exclaimed Santana, rushing over. "Hold it steady!" She got behind Rachel, looking over her shoulder, and used her arms and hands to help her hold it the right way. "Here, like this," she said quietly into her ear.
Rachel bit her lip. "Thanks," she muttered. Santana couldn't help but laugh a little. "I think you've got it now," she said. Santana slowly began to let go.
Just as she did this, Rachel couldn't hold it much longer. Her hand slipped and the beater began splattering all of the ingredients everywhere- including all over Rachel. She quickly turned the beater off, set it down in the sink next to them, and turned around, looking down at her pajamas.
"...I don't think I was ever made to be a chef," she said, looking up. Santana tried to hold in her laughter, but it was escaping quickly. She couldn't hold it in any longer, and she began to laugh hysterically.
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," said Santana through laughter. Rachel began laughing, too. A sudden twinkle of mischief shone in Rachel's eyes, and while Santana wasn't looking, she dipped her hands lightly into the ingredients and flicked it onto her body. As she did this, Santana's jaw dropped and she stopped laughing.
"You little..." Santana dunked her hands into the bowl and began to rub it onto her stomach, an evil smile on her face. Rachel squealed and backed up, then cautiously went around Santana, cupped her hands, gathered a pool of the concoction in her hands and splashed it straight onto Santana.
"Ahh!" she exclaimed as the milky mixture splatted onto her, laughing at the same time. "You are so going to pay for that, Berry!" It had become an all out war as they took turns splashing and smearing the goopy substance onto each other. Finally, Santana, her hands wet with the unfinished batter, began to smear it onto Rachel's face. As Rachel, her stomach hurting from laughter, tried to back away, her back ran straight into the wall. She was trapped. Santana rubbed it all across her left cheek, Rachel squinting her eyes and her jaw wide open. She tried to stop Santana by pressing her hands into her stomach. Butterflies fluttered inside of her, and she lingered her fingers on Rachel's cheek. As Rachel calmed down and opened her eyes, Santana moved closer, Rachel's hands still on her stomach.
"You've got a little something on your mouth," she said. "...and the rest of your face."
She laughed. Rachel moved her hand towards her own face, trying to wipe it off, but Santana grabbed her wrist, stopping her.
"It's okay," Santana whispered, her hands still on Rachel's face. "Ill get it." She moved in, closing the distance between their lips. She could feel her heart racing in her chest as Rachel kissed her back. She could feel sparks igniting inside of her, flying and bouncing around in her stomach.
In between a kiss, Santana breathed, "I love you."
Rachel pulled away, looking slightly shocked. She opened her eyes, looking straight into Santana's.
"You've never told me that before," she whispered.
Santana frowned. Rachel seemed a little too shocked for it to be a good thing. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it too early or something, I just thought..."
Rachel laughed. "San, I meant that in a good way! We've been dating for months now, and we've known each other way longer. It's okay," she said softly. "I love you, too."
Relief washed over her like salty waves on a sandy beach. "I was... too afraid to say it until now. Love isn't exactly my strong suit..."
Rachel moved her hands onto Santana's face. She pulled it in, kissing her lips softly. "I know," she whispered. "That's okay. Love is hard. But we found it, Santana. So you don't have to worry. A lot of people struggle to find what we have."
Santana nodded. She kissed her one last time, the backed up a little, allowing Rachel to step away from the wall she was pressed against.
"I'm going to go take a shower," she said, looking down at the concoction splattered everywhere on her. She looked at Rachel, once again the flirty sparkle returning to her eyes. "Feel free to join me."
"Rachel, can you turn up the volume? I can barely hear a thing."
Rachel sighed. "Kurt, this is the third time you've asked! It's plenty loud enough.
Santana couldn't help but giggle. It was 6:30, Kurt had just got home, and they were already arguing.
"Rachel, we're watching Moulin Rouge, probably one of the best movies ever created! We need to have the best movie experience!"
Santana looked at Kurt. "This is like the fifth time we've watched this movie. Can't we watch another one? How about something funny, like Date Night or something else with Tina Fey in it?"
Kurt sighed. "Although Tina Fey is a comedy goddess, we are watching Moulin Rouge!"
Santana sighed. "Fine," she muttered. As she looked back at the screen, she watched as Satine began to cough blood into the handkerchief.
"Ugh, gross," said Santana. "This whole part just ruins the fact that Satine is incredibly sexy, because every time I watch this part I feel like I'm going to throw up."
"Oh come on, Santana, it's not gross, it's sad!" Kurt exclaimed.
Santana had to admit that this movie every once in a while brought a few tears to her eyes. It was a great movie, but Kurt had made them watch it so many times... and the coughing blood thing just creeped her out. Although this irritated her sometimes, Kurt was her best friend, and she loved him to death. She knew Rachel did, too. It was just part of their friendship that they all argued over ridiculous things.
Santana kept watching until the end, surprised she didn't fall asleep halfway though. As the credits began, Kurt turned off the movie, yawning. "I'm going to bed," he said. "Goodnight guys." He got up and began walking towards his room.
Santana sighed and put her hand on Rachel's head, which was on her shoulder, and began stroking her hair. "I can't believe I didn't fall asleep," she said to Rachel. She got no response back. "Rachel?" she said, looking down. To her surprise, she realized that in fact Rachel was asleep. She smiled, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and kissing the side of her head. Rachel let out a soft moan, waking from her light sleep. Santana laughed. "You fell asleep."
Just as she was about to respond, Rachel's phone lit up and buzzed next to her. Slightly confused, she picked it up and read the text she had just received.
Text from: Broudy
(Received 12:26 pm) Please forgive me. I miss you.
Rachel closed her eyes. "Its Broudy. Again."
Anger boiled inside of her. Rachel had gone out with a guy named Broudy some time ago, and the minute Santana had moved into Kurt and Rachel's apartment, after leaving dreadful Kentucky and moving here, she had suspicions about him not being such a good guy. Turns out she was right; he turned out to be a male prostitute.
"Give me your phone. I'll text him and tell him I'm your girlfriend now and I'll kick his ass if he ever comes near you again." She reached out, trying to take Rachel's phone, but she moved her hand away.
"No, Santana. I don't want to start some all-out war between you," she said softly.
There was a look in Rachel's eye that Santana was trying hard to read. It was a look of sadness, nostalgia, and hurt. Santana sighed. She understood.
"You miss him too, don't you?" Santana murmured. These words stung her like a scorpion.
Rachel hesitated, then nodded slightly. Santana felt tears rushing down her cheeks. She wasn't sure why she was so upset about this; it wasn't like they were ever getting back together after his secret was out. But it just made Santana realize how much she wanted to have Rachel all to herself, and it was going to be hard to keep it like that. She was going to have double the competition-both boys and girls-and Santana knew that she still had a place in Broudy's-and, for that matter, Finn's- heart.
Rachel, seeing Santana's tears, put her warm hands on Santana's neck, tilting Santana's head closer towards her and forcing her to look into her eyes. "Santana! Please don't cry. Even though I miss him I would never even think of leaving you and go back to him."
"No no, I'm not worried about that," she stammered. "It's just... It's hard to think that I'm not the only person you're in love with."
Rachel sighed. "I know. And I'm really sorry," she apologized. She moved one of her hands to under Santana's chin and tilted her head up, making Santana look into her eyes. "But I love you, and nothing is ever going to change that." Rachel leaned in, kissing her softly on the lips, holding them there so the kiss would last. Santana moved her hands to Rachel's waist, and felt her girlfriend's warm body breathing in an out. Santana kissed her back with much more intensity. She felt Rachel's heartbeat speed up under her hands and Santana moved in closer. Rachel got on her knees and put one knee on the other side of Santana, now kneeling over her. Rachel sat down in her lap, and her sweet-smelling, chestnut hair brushed against her cheek. She felt Rachel's body heating up under her hands, and Santana couldn't help but smile in between a kiss. As it continued to blizzard outside, Santana couldn't think of any other place or any other person she'd rather be.
