Memories of a Crimson Shinobi - Sakura thinks about recent events and her relationship with Itachi.
Written in 10 - 10 – 2006
The world truly is a strange place. Who would have thought that I, Haruno Sakura, would end up like this? Uchiha Sasuke's No 1 fangirl ended up falling for the one that the object of her affection hated the most, the one responsible for the Uchiha massacre, the cold-hearted killer, the one and only Uchiha Itachi.
It seems so long ago now, the way everything started, but it truly has only been 7 months. I remember it clear as day. I was the medic-nin assigned to the ANBU team sent to eliminate the one I once held so dear, my Sasuke-kun. It was the biggest team ever sent, composed of most of the famous Rookie 9 and Gai's team. We were around 21/22 years old. So young and yet so old. We all have been trough so much… so much more than we should have. We achieved great accomplishments, at the cost of so much grief, pain, sorrow… So proud we all were… and yet none of us was too keen on the idea of facing one who used to be one of us.
When we arrived at the assigned place we found the last two survivors of the Uchiha clan fighting one another. And right then and there Itachi finished what he had started many years ago. Uchiha Sasuke was no more. The shock was so great for me that I only regained the little composure I could the second I felt cold hands squeezing my neck, ready to snap it at any second. Then all went dark.
It turns out Itachi kidnapped me to use me as a hostage and get away from my team. He was severely wounded and we were far too many and far too powerful. Last thing I know I woke up in Akatsuki's HQ. When he took me there instead of killing me right after I lost my usefulness his only reason was to use me as bait for the Kyuubi. My relationship with Naruto was never a secret; he is like a brother to me. Later he tried to persuade me to join Akatsuki. Apparently, my medical skills were useful. I refused. That is until they threatened me with the destruction of Konohagakure. Although I knew that that would be very difficult (dare I say almost impossible) I knew many innocent people and friends of mine would lose their lives in the process. In the end, I acceded.
During the entire time, I spent there the man I thought I hated, the man I so badly wanted to hate, was always there by my side. Always there with me… in a way always there FOR me… unlike his brother, who abandoned me without as much as a second thought. And with that I fell for him, I fell hard. I knew it was wrong. God was it wrong! But it was beyond my abilities to resist it.
I tried to hide my feelings of course. Who would want to admit such a thing? Not only was it a great sin, so forbidden, so wrong even though it felt so right… but also I could never expose myself so much to him. He was still the enemy. So cold, so heartless… I knew he wouldn't hesitate to use it against me if needed. I would never give him that weapon to use against me. I tried so hard to hide it! But of course, the key word: tried. He wasn't called a prodigy, a genius for nothing. Those beautiful red eyes of his always seemed to see everything, to know everything. He teased me, played with me as if I were his favorite toy. The sexual tension became unbearable and so I gave myself to him, knowing that he felt only lust. He would never love me. The Ice Prince that has no heart could never love.
I was fine with that really. I had him with me and he didn't seem to take advantage of my feelings in any other was as I may have thought.
Everything was fine until I got pregnant. I didn't know how to tell him. Once again I tried to hide information from him even tough I knew it to be useless. Only this time he really had no idea of what was wrong, only that something was. I remember so clearly that day that it hurts. He made me tell him (funny how he can do that and seem nonchalant at the same time) and then I saw it. The most beautiful thing in the whole world: his smile. It was the first, last and only time I saw his true smile. He never said the words but at that moment his eyes betrayed him and showed what no word could ever truly grasp nor explain, he loved me. Oh God, how I loved him even more after that.
That happened last week. Now I lay in what used to be our bed, but he isn't here anymore. He left me for good. Uchiha Itachi was killed last night by my former teammates. They didn't know that I joined Akatsuki nor did they know about my relationship with Itachi so they fought him to try to get me back. But an Uchiha isn't a man to be captured and interrogated so he died in the fight.
I wasn't with him at the time, I received the news from Deidara, who had become like a brother (hell he reminds me of Naruto!). In an attempt to save me my friends have no idea of the pain they have caused me. I cried so hard! Now, all that's left is this… feeling. Emptiness…
I don't know if I should return to Konohagakure. Now that HE is not here no one will make me stay (more like no one is crazy enough to stand against me and my former teammates when they find me). Still, even if I wanted to return I think it wouldn't be possible. They probably won't accept me anymore. But… I really just don't care. I'm dead and there's only one thing left for me to live for. Itachi lives inside of me and that is the only thing I can think about right now. For him or her, I have to choose what I think it's best, even if I don't really know what the best is at the moment. Stay or return? I'm too tired of everything and I've cried so much that sleep is finally coming to claim me. I will have to decide, but for tonight I'll just relive my memories of him.
Uchiha Itachi, I truly do love you.
