Have you ever looked through hte eyes of someone close to you when they have been hurt? Have you ever looked in their eyes when you were the one that hurt them? I have. So many times. For a hundred years I let my people down.

And they didn't know, that I had done it out of my own cowardice.

I was the avatar. I was twelve, and I couldn't handle the pressure. I didn't want that kind of responsibility. It was out of my hands. How was a young kid suppposed to take down an entire nation just by throwing a few rocks, and spitting fire? It didn't make sense.

But nothing makes sense anymore.

It's been almost ten years now since I defeated Ozai. And things are not how the should be. Things went wrong from the start. I was supposed to complete my objection, to follow my destiny by myself, with out risking other's lives.

But again it was out of my hands. It wasn't my fault that I was found. Sure the entire world would have collapsed from utter mayhem, but I wonder what would have happened had I not been found.

So many faces. So many people that changed my life and gave me the courage I needed. Sokka. Toph. Even the exiled prince of the fire nation. But most of all.. Katara.

She was an angel, sent by the great spirits to guide me through the toughest times of my life. But now is my darkest hour and she is no where to be found.

And it's my fault.

Even though I was only twelve, I loved her. She never knew how much and that I regret. But it was better that way. She meant so much to me. A friend, a sister, a mother. Everything that a young boy needed she was that. True she wasn't old enough to be my mother, but she was always there for me, she cared for me. She was like a sister as well, always there to give a soft socld when I did or said something that I maybe shouldn't have.

And most importantly a friend.

I supposed it was around the time that Toph joined up with us, that I realized that the love I had for Katara wasn't a kind of love that could be considered healthy. It was more of a desperation for affection from a female. Considering the fact that I lived in the Air Temple there weren't very many women there, and I hardly knew my mother.

But Toph was a different story. She taught me so much and changed my life. It is a real shame that I never got the chance to tell her so. She was my Earth Bending teacher. She may have been blind but that little girl sure could hit you in the head with a rock is she wanted to.

I didn't want to hurt her or Katara. So many times I thought that I oculd go on by myself and not indanger any of them, but I never tried. Except once.

I had gotten almost out of sight and Sokka caught me. He wasn't much of a role model but I did look up to him. He told me that we were in it together no matter how much I denied that. And it was true. You could see the determination in their eyes. It was unmistakeable.

Even though we traveled together for a little over a year, we were really close, all of us. And even though I was technically the youngest I could see the others growing and maturing.

Especially the day that Katara found a half dead Zuko out in the middle of a forest. I was very apparent that he had been robbed, but we would find out until later that he was already unconcious when that occured.

Had it been a few months earlier, Sokka and Katara both would have said to leave him. That he was the enemy.But he wasn't the enemy any more, since his own country turned it's back on him. Katara knew this. I though for sure I would have to plead with my collegues but I didn't.

She saved his life all on her own. It had to be the mothering insticts. Not only that but it started a chain reaction that lead to a very deep and passionate relationship between the two.

True he was closer to her age then I was, and I had already begun to love Toph. But I saw her first. I loved her first. I should have had her first. But those are all just should haves. The truth was Zuko loved Katara and I couldn't stop it, even when she started to love him back.

But there relationship was short lived, when it finally came time for me to face Ozai. I learned a great deal from Zuko about his father and in turn it helped me to win the battle.

As I sit here on this rock, looking out at the rippling blue waves of this small mountain lake I wonder; with everything I lost did I still win.

I can still see Katara's eyes wide in shock as she lay on the ground. That was the final trigger. I was down and Ozai wasn't. I couldn't find the strength to pick myself up. Then he turned on my Friends. It is still a little foggy, but the Fire Lord had first aimed for Katara, but in a valiant move I hadn't seen coming, Zuko pushed Katara out of the way, the ball of flames engulfing his body.

I still am curious to this day as to why he did just relfect the flames. Possibly it was because he had lived his life with a dishonorable cloud hanging over his head and a disfiguring scar on his face. Perhaps he just wanted all the pain to go away. Or maybe he just didn't think.

But even with that, the coward within me wouldn't let me to my feet. Katara sensed my struggle and attacked the fire lord. She danced. She was great. But she wasn't good enough. Ozai took her off guard and with a very strong fire lit punch straight to the chest blood spilled out of her mouth.

As I seen her blood fall to the ground, my strength came flooding back. But it was too late.

Sokka couldn't wake her up or stop the blood from pouring out of her mouth. We had lost her. Did she meet up with Zuko on the otherside? Or did they even go to the same place. If only I had been stronger. If only I hadn't been such a coward, I could have saved her.

It was in my hands and I let her down.

I can remember walking away from the battle victorious, but feeling as though I had lost everything. Knowing that I was responsible. Sokka did as he should have. He carried his sister's body out to a dense part of the forest and buried her by this lake. I, in turn, buried Zuko at her side.

I could so easily look over my shoulder now and see the four unmarked graves but that would make it worse.

That night Sokka sat by the mound of dirt that covered his sisters body, and wept. I had seen him shed a few tears when Yue died, but this wasn't like that at all. He was sobbing, and uncontrolably breaking to pieces right in from of me. I could help him, I couldn't comfort him. What could I say? I was the one that should have prevented it.

He had lost everything. Only a few weeks prior a notice had come that his grandmother back at the south pole had past. So he had nothing left.

I can still hear his sobs just as plain as day, until they stopped. They stopped when he stood up, bladed boomerang in hand and walked off into the forest. I remember my blood going cold as I listen to him. He stopped. Then came the most eerie of silences, followed by a loud rustle as something hit the ground.

I couldn't go find him. I knew what he had done. I just couldn't, not right then. Had Toph not been still with me I may have done the same thing. She comforted me. She made me feel half way human again. She helped my bury Sokka.

Three burials in one day. A twelve year old kid burying three of the four of his friends. Toph lasted longer though. She was a strong girl and we had started a life together.

As proper we married at sixteen. We were happy, but I could never shake the feeling guilt. Her powers and mine grew exponetially as we would spare.

But now I return her today to bury the last of my remaining friends. How is it that I seem to bring an end to every one who is close to me? I was the reason Zuko and Katara were killed, and the reason that Sokka took his own life. Now I am the reason that my beloved is joining them.

A few hours earlier, she was holding my hand, smiling at me. Telling me everything was going to be okay. She lied.

She died in my arms trying to deliver my child. The doctor couldn't save her or the baby.

Now I sit looking out over the water and I can see a reflection of Katara in the lake. If I look at the sky I see Sokka in the clouds and Zuko in the sun. I can't look at the earth around me, or I see Toph and my child.

So I have to close my eyes. I wish that I could run. Run away from it all. Get away from the pain. But isn't running what caused me this pain in the first place?