You don't understand. No matter what I tell you, how much you see, how many people you know or talk to, you will never truly know what I am going through. That is, not until you experience it first-hand. It's always changing and there are no words for what it is I feel. I feel blank like my head is completely empty. At the same time there is this feeling trying to intrude into the emptiness. This feeling is frustration, sadness, paranoia, doubt, and something that could never be described. It makes me want to shoot something or hit something to get the frustration out. It makes me want to cut in order to feel that euphoria if only for a minute. It makes me want to do absolutely nothing in case I mess up and get into trouble. It makes me wary of my only friendship because what if they are only using me and when they drop me I know I won't be able to handle it. But the hardest part of all is that it makes me want to cry; yet I can't, in fear that I will truly break down and end it once and for all.
