An anon requested a one-shot based off the song Skinny Love. Can I just say how much I love this song now? Because I do, so thank you anon! The cover by Birdie is beautiful, but the original by Bon Iver, is so raw with feelings. I had so many ideas for this one-shot because the song spoke to me in so many ways, but this is what came to me. Fair warning not a happy read.
I'm a little nervous about this one.
Riley exhales deeply as she stands in front of an apartment building. She had been pacing by the stairs leading to the door for the past ten minutes. Trying to find the courage to climb the few stares and do what needs to be done. Her heart aches at the mere thought. She counts to ten, takes a deep breath and walks up the stairs.
She gets to his front door and lifts her hand once, but instantly drops it. She thinks about running away for a second. Just as she is about to take a step to leave, she hears laughter coming from inside; and it only solidify this is what needs to be done.
Her knuckles make contact with the door, and it feel like minutes have passed before someone appears from behind. His eyes immediately widen at the sight of a brown-eyed brunette. "R-riley? You're here. I-I thought that you weren't going to get here for a few more days."
The reaction she received from him, the person she has been with for almost six years, was not the reaction she wanted. She thought he'd be happy to see her, but instead, he seemed rather…disappointed. Riley looks pass him and sees a blonde beauty sitting on his couch. Riley shifts her gaze between the blonde and her boyfriend, and she wonders if this is Clarissa. The Clarissa that Riley has listened to her boyfriend talk almost endlessly about.
"I…I finished finals early. I thought I'd surprise you," Riley purses her lips together. "Surprise." She throws her hands out, forcing a small smile to form on her lips. Riley watches as the girl behind Lucas shuffles around the room grabbing her coat and purse, and Riley can't help but notice how beautiful the blonde is. Her long locks cascade down her back touching her waist. Her lips are full, and her eyes are a mesmerizing hazel. Her cheekbones on high, and her body is flawless.
The blonde moves to the door and clears her throat. "I'm going to get going. I'll talk to later," she smiles softly, and Riley watches her boyfriend return the same smile. Riley steps aside to let the blonde by, and the two girls smile at each other, but no words are exchanged.
When she leaves, Riley is a little hesitant at first to let herself in; however, when she does, she wants to turn around and run as far away as she can. Her boyfriend watches her every move as she slowly walks over to the couch. She slowly lowers herself and starts to fidget with her hands. She can feel her heart racing, and she know she's going to have to do the inevitable. Tears start to surface and a lump starts to form in her throat. Her whole body aches in pain just thinking about it what's about to transpire.
"Lucas, I can't do this anymore," she whispers loud enough for him to hear, and she hears his breath hitch. She's scared to look at him in fear she'll take it back.
"Riley," Lucas says sadly. He slowly walks over to her, dropping himself in front of her, and she looks up. She sees his once bright green eyes now clouded with sadness. Tears swell in Riley's eyes, and she can't bring herself to form words. She parts her lips, but her bottom lip trembles. "Don't do this," Lucas whispers, and all Riley can bring herself to do is shake her head.
She wants to take back her words, but she knows what she's doing is the right thing. He reaches for her face, and for a second Riley finds herself falling into his touch. She closes her eyes for a second trying to remember the way his fingers felt against her skin, the way it shot electricity through her body. The way everything once was between them.
She wanted to remember it all.
Riley cups his hands with hers prying them off her face, and her and Lucas both look down at their hands. Riley can feel her heart breaking, but she was tired of pretending that everything was okay between them. It hasn't been for a while now, and it was time to let go.
"It's for…" she stops herself. Riley can feel the sob in her throat, and she tries her best to hold it back. "Was…was that Clarissa?" Riley's voice is stoic, and Lucas nods his head softly. "Do you have feelings for her?" Riley can hear the cracks in her voice. She waits for Lucas to answer her, to deny it, but when he says nothing, that only confirms it. A small sob escapes her lips.
"I didn't mean for it to happen," Lucas' voice rises slightly. "I've missed you so much since you left, and she was around. Nothing has happened between her and I."
"Riley, you're the one I love," he cries out, and Riley can hear the tremble in his voice. Her eyes lock onto his, and she sees them glossed over. "I love you, I want to be with you," Lucas says through his tears, and it's only making everything harder for Riley.
She shakes her head because at the moment her voice isn't going to work in her favor. "Riley, please. Don't do this," Lucas begs. "I'll stop talking to her. I do whatever you want me to do, what you need me to do. I just can't lose you," Lucas sobs. "Please," he says so quietly Riley can barely hear him.
Again, Riley shakes her head. Tears fall from her eyes, and Lucas is quick to wipe them away. "You should have stopped when you realized your feelings. I can't do this. I can't…I can't be in California and wonder what you're doing here in Texas. I've turned a blind eye on everything. How close you were getting with her, how you spoke about her, how sometimes you blew me off for her. And If…if it's not her, it's going to be someone else."
Riley sniffles, "I can't do it anymore, Lucas. We've only been apart for a year and a half, and look where we are. We have two more years. I-I can't." By this time, she and Lucas were in tears. This was it, this was the end. Lucas holds Riley in his arms, and she nuzzles her face into his chest. She can feel her heart breaking with each breath she takes. She isn't ready to be without him, but she can't be in California worrying about him and continue to let her classes suffer as a result. This is what needed to be done.
When they finally pull away, both their eyes are puffy with tears. Their cheeks are stained with tears, and both their hearts are shattered. "Can-can be pretend tonight?" Riley asks quietly. She knows it isn't the best idea, and it's only going to make their parting in the morning harder than it needs to be, but she wasn't ready. Lucas grins softly. He stands up and holds out his hand.
He leads her to his bedroom, and they spend the night locked in each other's arms. Even though no words are exchanged, no kisses are shared, the love that is circling the room is once in a lifetime love. With the puffiness in Lucas' and Riley's eyes, it didn't take long for the two to fall asleep; still embraced with one another.
The next morning, Riley is the first to get up. She feels a strong arm still wrapped around her. She isn't ready to leave, but if she stays any longer, it's going to be nearly impossible to leave later.
Riley turns her head slightly and sees the man she is in love with, and just like that, her heart is breaking all over again. She can feel tears wanting to form in her eyes, but she blinks a few times to push them away. She uses her feel hand to run through his hair softly, and she can smell his ocean scented body wash. She's missed that smell, and she's going to continue to miss it.
Riley lets out a soft sigh before wiggling out of his grasp. She couldn't say goodbye to him. She stood up, sliding on her shoes. She thought for a second about waking him, but she couldn't bring herself to do so. If she did, she would take back last night. Take back her words.
She has loved him since she was 13, and she's almost certain she'll continue to love him. She saunters to his slide of the bed, tears in her eyes. She slowly bends down and presses her lips against his cheek. "I love you, Lucas," she whispers.
"Riley?" someone calls out, and Riley shakes herself out of the memory. She looks down at her phone, the text staring at her.
I didn't mean to freak you out by telling you. I just wanted you to know how I feel about you.
"Riley?" They call out again, and she turns her attention to the sound of the voice. Riley softly smiles at her best friend.
"Hey Maya," she says quietly. Maya slowly walks over to Riley and plops herself in the empty spot next to her. "What's wrong, honey?" Maya's voice is filled with earnest.
"Uh, Kyle…he told me he loved me." Riley looks down at her hands, placing her phone off to the side. Not wanting to think about it.
Maya sighs deeply, "So, when are you breaking up with him?" Riley snaps her head in Maya's direction. She couldn't understand why Maya would say that. She coaxes her head waiting for Maya to continue. "You dated Bradley for three months, and he drops the L bomb on you. A week later you end things." Riley parts her lips, but Maya holds up her finger. "I'm not done. There was also Jeff. You two dated, he told you he loved you, and you broke up with him. Now, Kyle. I'd understand if Bradley and Jeff were jerks, but Riles, they were nice guys. Kyle is too."
Riley feels her eyes start welling with tears when it dawns on her. With it being pointed out to her, she knows how right Maya is. She knows what she does. She knows she's trying to protect her still broken heart, but as a result she hurt two amazing guys, soon to be three.
"Am I horrible person?" The tears shred from her eyes, and Maya instantly takes Riley into her arms.
Maya runs her fingers through Riley's hair trying to calm her. "Riles, you are not a horrible person."
"Then why do I keep pushing away love?" Riley desperately seeks answers.
"Because…" Maya pauses not sure she should continue. Riley's eyes meet hers waiting for an explanation. Anything really. "Because of Lucas. You aren't pushing love away, you don't have any to give."
The sound of his name makes Riley heave. She holds her breath for a second, not wanting to release her cries. "It's been two years. Two years, Maya. Why can't I get over him? Why can't I forget him? He's moved on…with Clarissa," Riley's voice is high and full of pain. "I tried to be fine with everything. I tried to be patient with myself. I tried to happy for him, but Maya, I still love him."
"Who's going to love me, when I love someone else, when my heart belongs to someone else," Riley sobs. Maya tries to comfort her, but right now, she doesn't think anything can. Maya has never seen Riley so broken and fragile. Even after the break up, Riley tried her best to mask everything, but that mask is slowly starting to fall apart.
Riley holds onto Maya tight, thoughts running wild in her mind, but one thing was bluntly clear to her. Lucas Friar will forever hold a piece of her.
