I paced slowly down the street. District 12 had changed so much the past five years. All houses were rebuilt, though only to of them had owners. I stopped by the mailbox. Who knew how long it had been since I received a letter? I checked it despite that. To my surprise there was a letter there. Not one of those my mother used to send me, handmade and decorated. No, this one was computer made, and looked slightly Capitol-ish. I held my breath and ran inside. Peeta was on his feet, before I could tell him what was wrong. I pressed my face against his chest, but held out the letter at the same time. Peeta loosened my hold and went to sit down. I cradled my self against him in the sofa. I am Katniss Mellark. I survived the games twice. I am married to Peeta Mellark. I saved Panem.

Peeta opened the letter deliberately. I was already so sure of what the words would say. Plutarch mentioned something like this once. Maybe I was overreacting, but a get-together like he called it would only be a painful reminder. Peeta read the letter out loud. It was probably a good thing, considering the tears streaming down my face.

" Katniss Mellark and Peeta Mellark are cordially invited to the reunion of all remaining tributes of the Hunger Games. It will be a reminder of what we all fought for once.

It will be a thrilling event, filled with glamour, food, and exiting games! And may the odds ever be in your favour!"

Peeta read with a mechanic voice. He glared emptily at the letter. Panem was slowly becoming as Capitol used to be. This was serious. It wouldn't be just a reunion. Something was behind this. Something bad was going on. And they needed the winning tributes on their side. Peeta took my hand and pressed his lips against mine passionately. " I have to talk with Haymitch", he whispered and looked deep into my eyes. "I love you".

I closed my eyes as Peeta left. The tears had stopped running, but I could still feel the pain. I felt sick in the strangest way. I saw the room revolting and the walls seemed to move rapidly against me. I felt the taste of blood in my mouth, and the tears were flowing again. The acid in my stomach overflowed, and I vomited a fountain of blood. I watched the beige velvet couch staining red. I watched it's pattern until my sight and self faded away. I guess the games never ended.

Something shook me hard. I jerked upwards. An odd wave of vertigo hit, and I almost fell out the bed. The bed? How had I ended here? I opened my eyes, only to find Haymitch hovering over me. "Exactly what I need now", I muttered. " Well, welcome back, sweetie" he answered in his usual tone. " If you need anything, I'll be in the kitchen. I need a drink" he added bitterly. "Wait, where's Peeta?" I asked, and Haymich just shrugged his shoulders. As if he didn't know.

I didn't think I'd ever get used to seeing Haymich in a wheelchair. I guess I always knew he would end there, but not this early. It was weird to see him have a drink, considering it was the alcohol that paralysed him at the first place. He probably could have had his legs fixed, but he's stubborn. Bought his way out of a couple of new legs or something. Nothing surprised me about Haymitch.

I sat in the couch for hours. I felt alone. Even though Haymitch was laughing at his own punch-lines I couldn't find my self smiling. I didn't even insult him. I couldn't think about anything but Peeta. Where was he? He had only been gone for this long once, and the thought of it reminded me of things I tried to hide.

* It was winter. I was wearing the fury outfit from our first footage from our tour right after the games. I didn't like wearing it, but it was the only thing that possibly could keep me warm. Peeta looked at me. It wasn't one of his, "I'm going to take advantage of your lack of balance and tackle you"-looks. It was more of a "I'm going to kill you"-look. Out of nowhere he grabbed my shoulders and shook me hard. He looked into my eyes, trying to find every single flaw. "You killed them. You killed my family" he said, as cold as the snow underneath us. "Peeta, please don't. You are Peeta Mellark. You survived the games twice, with me! Capitol kidnapped you, but everything is all right now. I am you wife, Katniss Mellark. I love you and you love me" I whispered, a lump in my throaty rising. "False", he shouted, pushed me to the ground, and ran away. I was lying in the snow, until he got home, six hours later. I was shivering, my lips blue. Peeta spent the evening apologizing and keeping me warm. *

What if Peeta was convinced that I was a killer again? What if he never came back. I rose to my feet to run away, but I quickly remembered. He didn't want me any more. I crumbled to the floor and into a fetal position. I may have shouted once or twice, since Haymitch told me to calm down several times. "Easy for you to say, you mongrel" I growled at him, and he was silent for a while.

"He is coming back, sweetie" Haymitch said, and I gave him a look of denial. "Katniss, listen, you know he will come back. You're his whole life, don't you know? He would never leave you. Peeta just needs some time to rethink some things. You'll see what I mean soon, cutie" I still didn't believe him, but I tried my best to smile. When Haymitch laughed his dog-ish laughter I knew I had failed. Well, I didn't care.

The hours passed. I was wondering if he really had left me. Went back to district 13, or something. I hadn't eaten since he left. Food was simply the last thing on my mind. Greasy Sae had made some soup, but I couldn't find myself to eat it. I moved from the couch to our bed. His pillow still smelled Peeta. A perfect balance between the most delicious pastry, and the scent of an orchid. I found my mockingjaylocket. Prim, how I missed her. I still had nightmares of the little parachute with a bomb. I always would. I wanted to see her skipping around arranging flowers, or healing. She was such a great person. Sometimes I wish I had died instead of her. Prim could have given so much more than I can. I had to shake off the bad thoughts before they really hit me.

Gale. Gale. I missed him. The emptiness I felt when he left drowns the anger. He deserved better than me. He was settled down, and happy. I owed him that. It was nice to think that at least somebody got their happy ending. I wondered if he ever thought of me. Maybe. Gale was probably busy with his fancy job, and model wife. It's weird that he fell for a Capitol chick. But well, appearances aren't everything. She's probably very sweet. That was it for my happy moment.

Where was Peeta? Would a good husband leave his wife for hours without even calling? Probably not, but then again, Peeta has been through a lot. I couldn't really blame him, could I? I could feel a lump in my throaty rising. I didn't try to stop it. I simply let it flow, and cried my self to sleep.

The hours Peeta was gone became days, and days became weeks. My days went the same. I would wake up, then cry myself to sleep again. I would take a trip to the bathroom once in a while, but the lack of food and drink soon stopped the need. I felt empty but not from the hunger. I needed something to fill me up again. The fifth day I went over to Haymitch' house. I didn't even bother to knock, I knew he would be awake. I walked straight over to his liquor cabinet. I took out a bottle with clear liquid, and poured the booze down my throat. It was a burning sensation, painful. " Well sweetie, remember how this went the last time? Let's go back to your house, sweetie. I'll bring a bottle or two. Then I won't need to have you here" Haymitch said and rolled his way out for the door. He made a gesture, to make me leave before him. I was already dizzy from the booze. I stumbled my way back home, and Haymitch left me with the liquor. I drank all of it at once, and crawled my way into bed. The pounding in my head, and the sore throat felt good. It told me that I would be carefree for a little while. Only seconds later I drifted to sleep.

Haymitch woke me up sometime in between noon and midnight. I had been asleep for 17 hours apparently. He held a bucket under my chin, just in time for me to throw up in it. It felt like razors ripping from the inside, the acid burning. Haymitch gazed into my eyes as I vomited. "We're meeting Peeta today" he said calmly as if he was a family member you hadn't seen in a while. Wait. Wasn't the tribute reunion today? That meant we weren't going. Well, that a relief. "Drink this, and get dressed. Wear something nice, won't you?" he said and left my bedroom. I plugged my nose and drank the liquid in big amounts. It tasted disgustingly sweet, but it stopped the urge to vomit.

I showered quickly and wore one of the dresses Cinna had designed for me when Peeta and I were going on our tour. It was yellow, and beautiful. Why hadn't I worn this before? Oh, right. Cinna always designed many dresses, and chose three or four out of hundreds. I stroke the laces on my shoulders. They were mesmerizing, and I found my self stroking and staring at them for fifteen minutes. That left me about five minutes to do my hair and makeup. I braided my hair in my long, signature do. I didn't even bother to put any makeup on. I would probably cry my heart out later anyway. A car stopped outside.

"Peeta" I whispered and went to look outside. No. It wasn't Peeta. It was a fancy limousine, Capitol style. So we were going to the reunion after all? " Haymitch, were are we going?" I asked sceptically. "We're heading for the reunion. I told you last night. Sort of" he answered carefree. I was drunk last night. That's why he told me I guess. So that I wouldn't throttle him or something. I vaguely remember being mad last night. I really was that drunk, wasn't I?

I quickly fell asleep in the car. I slept, hard, clinging to the remaining good dreams of Peeta. Haymitch woke me up, with more of the sweet liquid. I should probably be wondering what he was giving to me, but I really didn't care. I was going to see Peeta. Soon. Or maybe Haymitch was tricking me again? I hoped for the best but I was prepared for the worst. Maybe Peeta had left me? He had his reasons, and I knew them. I understood them. But I would never cope with them. I didn't realize I was crying until Haymitch started stroking my hair. It was an unusual gesture, and he seemed rather uncomfortable. I fell asleep.

I woke up by Haymitch trying to block my mouth. I was shrieking, the nightmares had felt so real. Peeta staring at me like I was his worst enemy. The white, manipulated rose in his hands. The blood oozing out of the corners of his mouths. "Katniss, shh, it was just a dream" a familiar voice said. A voice I would have loved to hear, if it wasn't for my nightmare. I screamed once more, until I saw him properly. Peeta. Alive. Normal. I didn't say anything. Neither did he. He removed the hair from my eyes. "I missed you", he whispered, and pressed his warm lips against mine. I sat up in a rush, and Peeta caught me before I could fall out of the couch I was lying in. I guess we were in Capitol.

"Katniss. I'm so sorry. Haymitch told me what happened. I want you to see a doctor, and" he said softly before I interrupted him. "No. I'm fine. It was the last time, I swear. I'll never drink again" Peeta looked at me, his gorgeous eyes gazing deeply into mine. "I'm not talking about your drinking. You past out in your own blood. The nightmares. I'm worried" he whispering, his voice cracking. I didn't know what to say. "No" I mouthed and buried my face in his chest. We spent four hours in the couch, curled around each other. When Haymitch told us it was time for the reunion, he almost had to call the guards to get us along. Who could blame us? I spent a week thinking he didn't love me.

The first one I met at the party was Finnick Odair. He was there with his Annie looking happier than ever. They both greeted us with a hug. It was hard to believe that I had seen strong Finnick as broken down as he once was. But he had his Annie. And I had Peeta. I had to laugh when I saw Johanna. Great Johanna Mason, naked, running around in a rose garden. Oh, I hadn't noticed. The party was in the president palace. I felt betrayed. Plutarch, should know how all of us feel about this place. I was danced with, and swirled around the whole evening, but I couldn't let this place go. Not until I saw a brown hairdo that caught my attention. I ploughed my way through the crowd and hugged my designer. "Oh, Cinna, I'm so sorry! I've missed you so much. I thought you were dead! They told me you died! How?" I nothing but shouted as I hugged him. I was so happy to see him, that only after I hugged him I noticed the changes.

The changes were enormous. Cinna's once perfectly clear skin, was filled with jagged scars, dominating his face. He had been tortured. He wasn't dead like I had been told. A lump started rising in my throat. I was the reason why he had been treated like some sort of animal. Cinna was smiling. Why didn't he say something? I didn't realize until he grinned. Instead of a tongue there was only a lump of meat. Cinna was an Avox