Summary: Moving on...is that really such a hard thing to do..? Renji had to learn that the hard way.

Pairings: ShuuRen, mentions of ByaRen since chapter one

Rating: NC-17 (for later)

General warnings: disturbing situations in a gore/grotesque way (you have been warned!), swearing, sex, abstractness/weirdness, "sudden" couples may appear.

Author's notes: I will say this right now: beware of chapter two when it comes! There is nothing much going on in chapter one, because it's a foundation on which chapter two is born. Chapter one is harmless, I can't even give it PG-13, but it's going downhill with chapter two. You have been warned! Turn back now if gore/guro is not your thing!

I don't have much to say about this fic...it was just a random idea before bed and I think it sounds better in my head, so I don't know if it's honestly very bad or not...

Anyway, I have three chapters planned for this one (four max, I think) and since I am currently on holidays, I may as well write all of them during this week...at least that's the plan, orz...

I guess this is set somewhere after Aizen's defeat and before the current arc (maybe during the Fullbringer arc... Maybe...). Just thought I would point it out.

Well, without further ado, here it is.

Disclaimer: Do not own Bleach.

Chapter One: Meeting

Sitting at the usual table with a few empty bottles of sake, Renji let out a deep sigh, drowning a third one already. He was feeling like shit and the night was still too young. But he knew why he came during this hour... He didn't want to run into his friends... Especially not one in particular.

But then, he was being honestly stupid, lying to himself, too. If he didn't want to run into anyone, he should have chosen a different table at least, right? Coming here earlier so as not to meet anyone was foolish, for they didn't really have an established hour of meeting... They simply came there at any time they wanted or could after work. Yeah, Renji was being an idiot...

But then, maybe he really wanted to see everyone again? It has been so long, after all... He even sat down in his usual seat... Well, he wasn't sure how they would react to him... Would they be surprised? Happy? ...Upset..? Renji didn't know and to be honest, he didn't give a crap. He just needed someone to talk to...

Two goddamn bottles and he was still sober, too? This needed to change and fast. He needed to forget his lousy problems.

As he raised his hand to signal the lovely looking waitress to bring him more booze, he felt someone slap his hand down.

"The fuck?" Renji let out dumbfoundedly, raising his eyes to meet a smiling, tattooed face, who was already putting down a bottle of sake before him, taking a seat opposite of him.

Great... The person he didn't want to face most.

Leaning an elbow on the table, Shuuhei rose his own bottle of sake, "Hey, Abarai. Haven't seen you for a while," a large toothy grin was plastered on his face as he took a gulp of his own sake, eyeing Renji who didn't seem to touch his drink, still seemingly recovering from meeting Hisagi again, to which the grin disappeared from Shuuhei's face, "What's up with you..?" he paused, staring intently, "It has been two months already...aren't you at all happy to see me?" a sad smile appeared on his features.

Renji blinked, Yeah, two months since we broke up... he thought to himself, but decided to brush that thought off as he grinned back, taking the sake Hisagi offered, "Sorry, sempai. I was lost in thoughts," he took a quick gulp, "It has been a while and," he took in Shuuhei's appearance, "You look well! Have been getting more sleep?"

Shuuhei let out a chuckle, seemingly have forgotten Renji's reaction from a few minutes ago, "The hell are you saying? I look like a wreck. I haven't been getting much sleep at all recently."

"Oh?" Renji blinked, only now noticing the dark orbs around Shuuhei's eyes, "Sorry, I didn't notice..." he paused for a bit, but continued on, even if what he truly wanted was to get the hell away from there and fast, before guilt would eat at him completely, "Been overworking like usual, eh?"

"You could say that..." Hisagi's laugh was a bit strained as he leaned against his hand, staring at Renji, "And you..? I haven't seen you here for a long time... Something happened?" he cut to the chase fast and easily.

Indeed, there was nothing Renji could keep a secret from this man. He could read him so easily, almost like a book in fact. The redhead wasn't comfortable with that at first, but he grew used to it over the years... Especially since he could read Hisagi just as easily. It was probably because they were rather similar…and the fact they used to trust each other with their lives...before Renji went ahead and screwed it up a few months ago...well, he couldn't exactly help it. He couldn't help his heart.

And now, their bond was ruined. Not that he didn't trust Shuuhei anymore, but this was something he knew the other wouldn't want to hear.

Feeling his heart sink even more than it already had, Renji took a huge gulp of sake, "Nah, it's nothin' important," he let out a sigh, closing his eyes.

Shuuhei leaned against his hand further, "Oh? Having problems with your lover?" Renji's eyes widened slightly at that as he looked at Hisagi who raised a questioning eyebrow, "Bull's eye?"

Abarai could hardly believe this, "It's just that...honestly, it's a small fucking matter and-"

"It's not your fuckin' business, right?" Hisagi finished for him, taking another gulp.

"For fuck's sake, no! That's not what I wanted to say... Goddammit, it's just that..." Renji shook his head, running a hand through his hair, "Dammit, why do you care?"

Hisagi made a face at that, "Tch, in case you have forgotten, Abarai, I am your friend..." he glared, "Isn't that what we have agreed on, dumbass?"

Renji grunted, staring at his bottle in hand, "And..? Stop fooling yourself. Things will never be the way they were anymore," he said that without hesitation, without raising his sad eyes at Shuuhei.

Truth be told, Renji was head over heels in love with Hisagi before and he knew the feeling was mutual. The redhead would never cheat on someone he loved so dearly unless his heart was honestly swept away. It was painful, he was torn for such a long while after he told Shuuhei how he cheated on him. The shock and pain in those eyes back then still hunted him to this very day. He hasn't yet healed at all...yet, looking at his smiling ex-lover made his heart cringe even more.

Sure, Renji was the one who cheated, broke up with him and fell for another, that another being his very own Taichou, but he always thought that Hisagi was the one with deeper feelings of them two, not that feelings could be measured, but he just... He always thought Hisagi loved him too deeply, without fail... Did he honestly heal so fast, faster than him..? Renji couldn't believe it...but it didn't matter anymore anyway...

And now, Shuuhei bore a hurt expression at his words, "...It's damn sad you feel that way..." he said a bit quietly, which Renji struggled to catch through all of the noise in the bar. Hisagi continued though, "Don't you think it's better to let things out? Even if we won't be the same again, try and remember how much you trusted me. Have I failed you once?"

Renji had to admit, as always, Hisagi had a point. It would be best to talk about things that have been eating at him...and the best person he could ever do that with was right before his eyes, because despite everything, even if he would never voice it anymore, he still trusted him with his life.

Raising his eyes to look into Shuuhei's honest, but unreadable ones, Renji gave in, "Fuck, well you see..." Abarai lowered his eyes, barely registering Hisagi moving closer to listen to him, "It's just that... Sometimes, I don't think we fucking work well at all, me and Kuchiki-taichou. We are too damn different, ya know? He is such a damn proud, stuck up asshole that it's both hard to get through to him and understand him sometimes... We fight often, well, it's more like I am the one fighting because I get easily pissed off and it doesn't even affect him... Sometimes I question his love for me, but I know he loves me anyway, so...fuck...damn, it's just that."

As soon as Renji finished his long monologue, Hisagi raised the bottle to his lips, only to set it down, in thought...and then, to Renji's surprise and slight displeasure, he smiled a bit, "Seriously, that's it? Lovers' quarrels have been eating at you?"

Renji grunted, "Well fuck, I told you it was a small matter," the nerve of this man. Abarai was surprised to think even he misunderstood him.

"I never said it was a small matter. All problems are still problems, you ass," Shuuhei glared, watching Renji take another gulp of sake, "But it's nothing to beat yourself over this much. Remember how...we used to fight all the time? And what did it always result in?"

Renji blinked at that, "...hot, steamy sex?" he couldn't help but smile a bit.

Hisagi grinned, "Exactly," he took two gulps of his sake, snickering, followed by Renji's chuckle too, "So really, don't worry about it so much. It just proves that you two care about each other."

Renji couldn't help a large smile. He sure as hell missed this, sharing everything with his sempai, the only person who could ever raise his mood and spirits to impossible levels... Gods, what he did was truly unforgivable. He hurt such a gentle soul so easily...damn, he was still beating himself over it. He would never be able to let go...

The smile disappearing from his face, Renji looked at the table, hurt visible in his eyes and heart, "I'm so sorry, sempai..."

Hisagi took only a small gulp of sake because of that, lowering the bottle on the table, confusion written all over his face, "Hm? For what?" and when Renji didn't answer, he thought about it for a bit, coming to the right conclusion, "Again..? Goddammit, none of that shit, you hear me?" he pointed his finger at Renji, one leg on top of his seat, "You should seriously learn to let go of the past and move on. What's done is done. You can't damn change that. And I got over it... You should too," Renji raised his eyes in time to see Hisagi clink his bottle against Renji's as if in a toast, drinking the rest of the alcohol in one go.

Deciding not to comment that, he went along and smiled. Shuuhei smiled in reply, "And I told you many times already: stop calling me sempai," Renji smiled broader. They both knew he couldn't get over that old habit, so it was left at that, as usual. Setting the empty bottle on the table, Hisagi looked to the side, "But there is one favor I want to ask you of..."

Blinking, not expecting to hear that, all Renji could manage was a small, "Yeah?"

Standing up, Hisagi all but stumbled towards him and only then did Abarai realize how drunk they both actually were. Still, he was stoned, glued to the seat as he looked up at his sempai, who simply stood before him, looking down at him, his eyes glinting with an indescribable emotion, one Renji tried to forget, yet they were also dull at the same time.

Hisagi slowly wrapped his arms around Renji's neck, leaning down to his lips, letting out a breath that tickled the redhead's face, the smell of alcohol hitting his nostrils as Shuuhei leaned to his ear and Renji could smell it, that exotic smell of Hisagi's he tried to forget. He was getting enchanted. He wouldn't be able to push him away now. Damn, he was so weak...

"Kiss me like you mean it..." was Hisagi's whisper as he leaned back, crushing his lips over Renji's in a forceful, full of passion, kiss. Renji replied it with his dazed eyes, mind a mush, loving the taste of sake rolling over his tongue, mixing with his own, playing with the experienced tongue, battling, rubbing against it with his own.

Somewhere along the way, Shuuhei found his way on his lap, legs on either side of his thighs, and Renji couldn't fight the urge to wrap his arms around the waist, pulling the man closer to himself. It was blissful... Until common sense hit his mind, the face of his beloved appearing before his eyes and he pulled away from Shuuhei, pushing him away after.

Hisagi momentary wore a lustful expression on his face, he managed to notice it, before it changed to a carefree one, a huge smile replacing that deadly emotion, "And with this, I can finally let go completely," he ruffled Renji's ponytail, getting off his lap, noticing concerned brown eyes staring at him, at which he chuckled, "I'm fine, alright?" and with a wave, Shuuhei left, leaving Renji with his thoughts that didn't last long as he heard Rangiku's voice calling out to him, followed by Kira, Ikkaku and Yumichika.

Staring after Shuuhei, before his friends got close to him, he whispered a quiet, "Liar," under his breath, before turning to greet everyone.

To Be Continued...