This is my first Zelda fic! HUZZAH!

(Author's Rant can be found at the end. Feel free to ignore it if you wish.)

(Oh yeah, and the summary was lying.)

This is meant to be an introspective series.

Word count: 411.

Written in: less than fifteen minutes

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Me

Sheik really is not Zelda, you know. How could you think that? After all, Sheik is a man, and the fair Zelda would never cross-dress!

Zelda is soft, pink and tender. Feminine, you see. I've known it since I was eight. I fell down and skinned my knee playing with my cousins. I didn't fuss. I didn't cry. But Papa scooped me up and took me inside, to have it washed and bandaged, to coddle me.

I protested that I was fine - it was only a little dirt, besides – but he just told me solemnly that it was it was okay to cry, like I should've been at that moment.

Zelda is all sweetness and grace. Her dignity and beauty light all of Hyrule, the people say. I see it in the adoring eyes of my people, the shuttered lust in men's eyes. To them, Queen Zelda is the pinnacle of a woman. Men compare their women to me, and women compare themselves to the ideal I set.

Zelda is wise. She never need raise her voice in anger, relying on cool logic and royal power to shoot down all adversaries. She was not a young fool when she sent a young boy out on an impossible task, but merely a pawn of fate. There was no book she could have read that could have told her to make the boy wait for seven years before drawing the Master Sword. She is ineffable, wise in all things, effortlessly powerful, and she certainly never had to work for her catlike walk nor her easy way of speaking to the common people.

And though the Gossip Stones still tell of how young Princess Zelda is a tomboy who bloodies her hands in embroidery, truly that is all it can be. Gossip.

Sheik is freedom, a quick silvered shadow made of finely hammered steel. Every blow making him stronger. He is mystery, slipping through crowds like smoke, and some say he can walk through walls. He is adventure and a he is a hard, painful ride bareback on an unruly horse. He is a whirling dervish of deadly knives and chained sickle, master of the Sheikah ways. How could the lady be such danger? Impossible to think of.

Sheik is everything Zelda is not, similar only in his wisdom, his grace under fire.

Sheik is everything Zelda is not allowed to be, and truly, Zelda envies him for it.

And I... I have never been Zelda at all.

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A/N:Sorry if this seems bitter. It is. I am so very tired of everyone bashing Zelda and making a glorified Sheik instead of trying for serious character difficulty.

Zelda is Sheik. Get it through your head. The game said it. separate!Sheik is the most annoying non-canon thing about the Zelda fanon.

Zelda is not prissy/bratty/a nag/an idiot.

Zelda is a tomboy.

Zelda is capable of slicing and dicing. After all, didn't she GREATLY ASSIST Link in taking down Ganondorf? Yeah, yeah, with magic. But don'tcha think old Ganny might've just taken all her sharp things? Yeah.

And I don't think Ganondorf was stupid either. If he was, Zelda wouldn't have needed Link's help. And that's just insulting to the game. Unless you think Link is a moron too. In that case, why are you here anyways?

Sorry folks. Just needed to cool my heels over that. (sighs)

Forgive me if I offended you. I am just very protective of canon.

Next chapter hopefully sometime soon.