Hello everyone, and welcome to my first ever fan fiction on this website, be prepared for the sadness you are about to witness. Don't say I didn't warn you. There are trigger warnings in this chapter, I'll post a warning before if I write any, promise. And like I said, this is my first fix, so expect errors and bad writing. And if you could read and review, that'd be great!

-Vanae

I don't own Supernatural or any of its characters.

Dean is a demon.

Cas's grace is fading.

And Sam is slowly losing his mind around the two of them

He had been running around getting them both out of trouble and it was taking up a lot of his time. Like today, they were on a case, Cas was nearly turned(they were fighting vamps and he still is new at the whole hunting thing) and when he found Dean he was beating some poor bitch to a pulp.

Now the three were sitting around a table in the bunker eating leftover takeout.
"So, Cas," Sam started. "You're getting better with that gun." Cas only grunted in response and they fell into an uneasy silence again.

When dinner was over it was nearly midnight. Cas went to the library, Sam to his room, and Dean sat at the table still, a beer in one hand.

Castiel sat in a fluffy chair, busy reading To Kill A Mockingbird in his pajamas. They had little bees all over them and were quite comfortable. He looked up when Dean walked in the room.

"Hiya Cas." Dean said, sitting down in a seat near Cas's.

"Hello Dean." Cas looked back down at his book, although he could feel Dean's green eyes watching him. He glanced up. "Do you need something, Dean?"

"Hm? Oh, no. Just looking for something to read." At that Dean stood and wandered the bookshelves.

"Dean, are you alright?" Cas asked, placing his book on a table next to him. He sat up straigter when Dean turned to him.

"I should be asking you that." Dean replied, his face now serious.

"Excuse me?" Cas said, tilting his head slightly.

I found this," Dean reached for something in his pocket. "in your bathroom on the sink." Dean dropped a small razor blade onto the ground. "You have some explaining to do, Cas."

When he realized what Dean had thrown onto the ground, his right hand instinctively went to his left wrist, and his eyes grew wide.

Dean noticed his action and reached forward and grabbed his wrist and yanked up the sleeve of his pajama shirt to reveal white scars covering his wrist, some of them fading and some still pink as if they had happened recently.

"What the hell, Cas!" Dean shouted, making Castiel flinch.

"I-i'm sorry, Dean, I-" Cas started, but was stopped when Dean pulled Cas towards himself into a hug.

After Dean pulled back, Cas had tears on his eyes and seemed on the verge of crying.

"Why?" Dean said, his voice barely above a whisper.

Cas glanced away at this. "You wouldn't understand-"

"Don't give me that crap, Cas. Just tell me. Please."

Castiel sighed and looked at the ground. "After my grace began to fade, I knew I was going to die, so it didn't really change anything. It will happen eventually. And I do know the burden I am to you and Sam. You are both busy with the mark; I'm just wasting space." When Cas looked back up, Dean looked hurt.

"Dean, I apologize. I shouldn't have left the blade in the open. Someone could cut themselves." When he reached down, Dean grabbed his wrist again.

"No." He said sternly, making Cas look up cautiously.

"Don't you realize what you are doing when you do that?" Dean said, wildly gesturing to the angel's wrist. "Cas, this isn't good. Please stop."

Cas looked up again at Dean before turning away again. "It isn't that easy, Dean."

"Its as easy as you make it, Cas." Dean was looking at the ground now. Cas tilted his head.

"Dean-" Dean stopped him from continuing.

"I'm not forcing you to do anything, but if you choose this, you choose it over your life. You choose it over me." With that, Dean walked away, headed to his room. Cas watched him leave. He knew he should have stopped him, or went after him. He knew this wouldn't blow over like the other small fights the two have had, this would stick with them forever. That night, Castiel slept uneasily, nightmares making his way into his subconscious. It was horrible. Dean dying, Sam dying, not finding the cure for the mark, Dean hating him. That one was one of his least favorite.

The next morning, Cas got out of bed to find Sam and Dean eating breakfast, talking about something, but when Cas stepped in, Dean stopped talking and turned to look at Cas, who looked down at the ground.

"Morning." Cas said quietly.

"Mornin', Cas." Sam started after glancing between the two. "I found us a job in north Georgia. If we leave in the next hour or so we should get there before too late." Cas nodded. He sat down with a plate covered in bacon and eggs next to Sam and across from Dean.

Castiel didn't eat much that morning. When he got up to get ready, he instead turned and went towards Dean's room instead.

When Cas arrived, the door was open and Dean was tossing clothes into a duffel bag, not noticing Cas until he knocked quietly.

"Cas, I don't want to do talk right now-"

I'll stop." Cas said, cutting him off. He stepped into the room and watched Dean turn towards him.

"You serious? Are you lying?" Dean said, and when Cas shook his head, he smiled for the first time since the night before.

Cas stepped closer to Dean. "I am sorry. I didn't know you would get so angry."

"I'm not angry, Cas. I was a bit disappointed, though." Dean said and Cas looked at the ground again in shame.

Dean reached up and used his fingers to gently turn his face towards him.

"Cas, its fine now." He said quietly. Cas nodded and Dean takes one small step, nearly closing the space between the two, but stops there, his green eyes on Cas's blue ones. After a moment, Dean brushed their lips together lightly, bringing one hand up to hold the back of Cas's head and deepened the kiss. After a moment, Cas responded, moving his own lips to copy Dean's movements, giving a small sigh when Dean's tongue made its way into Cas's mouth.

Cas put his hands on Dean's chest, one hand gripping at his shirt. Dean pulled Cas closer again by putting his other hand on the small of his back.

As they finally broke the kiss, Dean smiled lightly and turned back to his duffel. "You may wanna get ready for the ride, Cas." He said when Cas didn't move from where he stood, still stunned by what had happened. After a moment's hesitation, Cas nodded and went back to his room, the whole way not being able to forget the feeling of their lips pressed together and the sweet smell of burnt wood and a rainy day, the smell of Dean.

Well I hope you liked this first chapter! It was sorta short and to the point, but I guess it was okay. And don't expect certain update days.